THE MORNING AFTER

Here it is, Wednesday morning, I still don't entirely believe what happened last night but I'm so glad it did.

After work I headed home, tried to eat and completely failed. I then headed over to a friend’s house to watch the returns. By the time she put snacks out things were starting to look fairly secure so I was able to get something to eat. I talked to my cousin who I haven’t spoken to in quite a while. He was pretty amazed that I wasn’t down at Grant Park. I was a little amazed myself but I had plenty of reasons why I wasn’t there.

At my friend's apartment, we sat and talked and watched and before we even knew what was happening the election was called. I knew it I left then I could make it home in time to see the speech with Tony, who was getting off work at 10:30. As I walked got to the bus stop a young brother (probably too young to vote) was standing there holding the front page of the Red Eye paper that said Election Day and grinning as big as he possibly could. He turned to me and asked how my night was going. I replied that it was absolutely amazing and I was in disbelief. He smiled at me with this serene, otherworldly look and said, "It couldn't be more beautiful. What a great night". There was hope in his face and I knew it was no dream. This was our new reality.

Like Obama said, he has a hard road to walk. He is inheriting one of the biggest clusterfucks in recent American history. He pulled no punches. He admitted it was a long and hard road. He wasn’t claiming that he could change the world in the blink of an eye. That would be a lie. He said that the American people can’t let go of the passion that got him elected in the coming years. That we have to stay vigilant and continue to fight for what we believe in. He couldn’t be more right. It’s going to be touch, but we are all in it together.

OLYMPIC FEVER

I have caught major Olympic fever. I’ve been watching the trials like crazy and just can’t wait to see more. I have four main sports for the summer games; gymnastics, swimming, diving, and track and field. It is interesting because even though Figure Skating is my ultimate sport of choice I thin I look forward to the Summer Olympics a little bit more. I suppose it is because I follow Figure Skating year round every year and I get just as excited about a world championship every year as I do about an Olympics every four years. The summer Olympics are new, exciting, things I only watch when Olympic fever hits.

Even though I love the sports mentioned above I know very little about those who compete in them. Sure I know the gymnast twins Paul and Morgan Haam, they competed a few times in Ninja Warrior, and Michael Phelps, the God of Swimming but that is really it. Watching the trials I get to pick out favorites for no reason other than I like their name, the cut of their jib, or something particularly cool that they do. I have already seen one favorite, Raj Bhavsar, not get selected for the Olympic Gymnastics team even though he was the closest one to automatically qualify. He came very close four years ago so I was really pulling for him to get to go this time but it just didn’t happen. Some others have caught my attention.

I’ve saw a perfect dive off the platform from 30 year old Laura Wilkinson. Is there anything more awesome then someone ripping through the water without a splash? It doesn’t even seem possible. I saw world records broken by both Michael Phelps and Katie Hoff in the 400 meter medley. I saw a 400m hurdler fall and knock into Sheena Tosta who somehow still managed to come in third and secure a spot on the Olympic team and in the Men’s 400m hurdles, Bershaun Jackson beat men with legs as long as he is tall (not really) to win the race. I fumed as NBCs HD feed kept shorting out over and over causing me to miss some races.

However, the thing that is possibly the most exciting about the Olympics is to see all the people from the rest of the world who are amazing at what they do and I have no idea who they are. With the games in China, their team should be on fire. I’ll look for strong contenders in diving, swimming, and gymnastics. I don’t know so much about their track skills? It is still great to see everyone come out and perform at the top of their game.

Come 8.8.08 we will bear witness to thrills of victory and agonies of defeat. We will cheer as people we never heard of before awe our senses and win our hearts. If you ask me, it can’t come soon enough.

1. Well its hard enough to get there/ On your own/ And it’s always time to pay the rent/ When you’re home

2. Are you afraid to go outside/ Are you afraid of what you might find/ baby girl, I understand it/ I seen it too and I don’t recommend it

3.Well it’s all in your mind/ It’s all in your mind/ Well it’s all in your mind/ It’s all in your mind/ and I want it to be

4. Around the world/ Around the world/ Around the world/ Around the world

5. And she was lying in the grass/ And she could hear the highway breathing/ And she could see a nearby factory/ She's making sure she isn't dreaming

MY SUBCONSCIOUS THINKS I'M CHILDISH

I went to the optometrist this morning. My prescription has changed a tiny bit but my eyes are not the source of my lightheadedness. I’m calling my Dr. back tomorrow. Today my pupils are dilated and it has enhanced my feeling funny. What fun. I did get really nifty glasses though. they have sparkles on them that you can kind of see in the side view.

So the other night I had this dream that Monica, Patrick (who is Monica’s friend and I have never met but have seen pictures of), and I were playing on this playground after winning some crazy boat race or something. That part of the dream is a little fuzzy. Patrick in the dream didn’t look like Patrick in real life; he looked more like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, which is very funny because it is almost the exact opposite of real Patrick. Anyway we had this tent thing that we draped over a round climby thing on the playground and were playing fort. Fort rules.

So we are in our fort having an awesome time when this little kid comes in. The kid’s dad is standing on the sidelines of the playground watching. The kid looks up at us and asks how old we are. I say 28, Monica says 29, and Patrick says 30 (I have no idea how old he really is). The kid looks at us and says, “Oh, that’s old. I’m 4. What are you doing in this fort?” We just looked at the kid and then at each other and packed up in shame. Then some other strange dream type stuff happened that I don’t remember. I think that the remembered part was the important part though.

The thing was my dream kind of hurt my feelings. I mean sure, I like to play around but I think my friends and I are fine examples of people in their late 20s. We have jobs, we pay rent, we function as adults, and we are generally accepted to be grown type folks. So what if we like forts? Who doesn’t? Just cause we don’t have kids of our own to play fort with doesn’t mean we should be shut out from playing. Play is important. Anyway, I’m mad at my dream.

1. Identity/ Identity is the crisis you can’t see/ Identity/ Identity

2. Did I/ See a moment/ With you/ In a half-lit world

3. Ghost, ghost I know you live within me/ Feel as you fly/ In thunderclouds above the city/ Into one that I

4. I’m tired of wasting gas living above the planet/ Mister show me the way to earth/ The boys from quadrant 44 with their vicious metal hounds don’t come round here no more.

5. Downtown/ We’ll drown/ We’re in our never splendor/ Flowers/ Showers/ Who’s got the new boy gender

RANDOM UNCONNECTED THOUGHTS

Yesterday was a very strange day. I actually forgot that Top Model and Project Runway were on. Luckily I turned on the TV at 9:03 so I didn’t miss much Project Runway but Top Model is a mystery. No worries. That show blows anyway. I must say I am a little bummed that Rami “made it” to Bryant Park. Really, are there avid watchers of the show that don’t know that the top five actually showed at Fashion Week? Did I think Rami’s collection was better than Chris’s? Sure, because it was but that doesn’t mean I wanted him to win. Since Christian “overwhelmingly won the fan favorite,” I think Jillian is a shoe in for winning the show. They won’t let Christian win everything and Jillian’s collection is awesome. Still, the show has surprised me before and anything could happen next week.

I think this Huey Lewis thing is actually working. I keep seeing him pop up everywhere. It could be because I’m looking but I don’t think so. I think that something is actually happening with it. This morning there was a casual mention of Huey in the Red Eye. As half of the world has seen, Huey was featured in Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” video. This can’t be all about coincidences. It’s like that thing The Secret that some people believe in. Maybe it’s real.

I have had urges to sing more Talking Heads at karaoke. Since I failed so miserably last time I attempted one of their songs I have no idea where this urge came from. Regardless, I was listening to Stop Making Sense and couldn’t help but picture myself taking on “Once In A Lifetime” with the chorus sung by my little sister while we were both doing David Byrne moves from the video. Man would it ever be a disaster. Same as it ever was.

1. So messed up I want you here/ In my room I want you here/ Now we’re gonna be face to face/ And I’ll lay right down in my favorite place. I Wanna To Be Your Dog, Iggy Pop. Identified by Chatty Knitter

2. I’m coming up man-sized/ Skinned alive/ I want to fit/ I’ve got to get/ Man-sized

3. Close my eyes/ feel me now/ I don’t know how you could not love me now

4. Now Peter Piper picked peppers/ But Run rapped rhymes/ Humpty Dumpty fell down/ That’s his hard time. Peter Piper, Run DMC, Identified by Monica

5. Come down off your throne/ And leave your body lone/ Somebody must change/ You are the reason I’ve been waiting oh so long/ Somebody holds the key. Can't Find My Way Home, Blind Faith. Identified by Dad

YOU WANTED AN ESSAY, I'LL GIVE YOU AN ESSAY

Although I have been subtly plugging Huey Lewis here and there for some time on this blog I have been hesitant to pull out all the stops and explain fully why Huey is so important. Until now there has only been a facebook page but I don’t spend enough time there to truly attempt to fuel the fire from that site. No, this blog is where much of my online efforts go. The website existed before but consisted of nothing more than a picture, although a good picture it was. Sure, the site isn’t brimming with information yet. I don’t even see a post about the essay contest…maybe it’s over. Needless to say, Lewisnews08 is now a reality. You can all be a part of the movement.

Why Huey? Why not. Do I like Huey? Not particularly. Do I know any Huey songs? Only from my in-depth knowledge of the mind of Patrick Bateman (wasn’t American Psycho great?). So why do I care? Why is it that every time I pick up my cell phone I feel a sticker, smile, and think of Huey? It’s because this may be my chance to make a difference to the world. This movement, the bringing back of Huey Lewis and the News for 2008, is a chance for us all to unite and see if mere word of mouth and suggestion can change the course of musical history.

You might say that there is a much more important movement afoot in 2008 what with the elections and all. You would be right. However, the country will never unite behind one candidate. There are too many differences for that. At the same time, it is possible for everyone in the country to get behind Huey. They don’t have to like his music, they don’t have to know any of his songs, they only have to believe in the dream. Join us. You know you want to.

How do you join? It’s easy. Just let Huey into your life. Bring him up to people in passing. It doesn’t take much. Simply ask them if they know that 2008 is the year for the resurgence of Huey Lewis and the News. They will probably say they didn’t. So tell them that it is. That there is an underground movement set on this happening and all they have to do to help is tell a friend. We get enough people doing this and soon when you randomly ask someone if they know that 2008 is the year of the Huey that random person will say, “Yes, I did”. We will have achieved greatness.

Take the first step, join the movement. Get on facebook and check out the Huey Lewis is a Golden God group. You can request marketing materials; we’ll get them to you. People see enough stickers that they don’t understand with a website listed they’ll check it out. Think about it, Democrats, Republicans, and Independents all working together to bring about change. This could be the thing that brings understanding across this great nation of ours. If you’re in a Super Tuesday state don’t forget to vote today but, while you’re at it, don’t forget to mention Huey. We can do it.

Yes, We Can.

1. I love you/ Completely/ Please I don't want you to go/ Though you are not content here with me and you feel you must go

2. Coming out the slums/ It's the hoodlums/ I'm pulling my gat out on all you bums. We Ain't Goin Out Like That, Cypress Hill. Identified by Ern

3. You've got a bad reputation/ That's the word out on the town/ It gives a certain fascination/ But it can only bring you down

4. They got a committee to get me off the block. Cause I say my rhymes loud and I say them non stop

5. On the corner/ We talk away/ Everybody’s older these days

A BALD ASSHOLE IN MY BRAIN

Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes. I am incredibly excited. I have now started to get very nervous as well. It’s a good nervous, an exciting motivating nervous, but nervous all the same. The main reason I was looking for a new job was to do something new. I was no longer being challenged. However, it is nice to be someone who can answer questions about virtually every aspect of what goes on at work. It is nice to have someone come to you with a question and you not have to look anything up before you can quote numbers and statistics. It is nice to know you are really good at your job.

I have no doubt that I will become really good at my new job. I also know that it would be insane not to expect a lengthy period of adjustment. One of the nice things about when I am starting is that the students won’t be at school. I’ll have time until mid Jan before they return to get used to how everything works. I amso happy about that. It helps a lot. It certainly doesn’t erase the nerves though.

Last night I dreamt I was Larry David. If you know who that is, you will get a sense of how incredibly nervous I actually am. That man makes Woody Allen look relaxed and sane. Not only was I Larry David but I was Larry David lost in an enormous hotel that seemed to resemble parts of a temple in Ninja Gaiden Sigma. I haven’t even played that game in weeks since I bested the horrible Queen Fiend. Talk about a stressful battle. She was one of the most difficult bosses that I have ever faced in the history of gaming.

Once I became myself again in dreamland, I found myself taking train after train after train and getting delayed and lost in order to get someplace that I really could have walked to. Why I didn’t walk I have no idea because I usually prefer to walk short distances unless it is incredibly cold outside but it was not cold in my dream. It was a little cold after I woke up though so maybe it does make sense.

I know that everything will work out just fine. In a way I am actually glad to get out of my comfort zone. I know it is only natural to feel this way when starting something new. I just hope that my dreams will start to calm down because if they stay at this level of anxiety I will be a sick sick person in a number of weeks. I need to find something to keep me nice and relaxed for until I get started. Any suggestions?

1. I know/ I can’t find you/ I go/ sit beside you. I Know, The Best Band

2. We love to boogie/ we love to boogie/ Jitterbug boogie/ High school boogie/ we love to boogie/ On a Saturday night. We Love To Boogie, T-Rex (not I Love the nightlife (Disco Round) by Alicia Bridges although it could easily be mistaken for it)

4. Seven am so it begins again/ One zip favoring familiar silhouettes/ Left whips and chains/ Behind I’m boycotting trends it’s my new look this season. Girl Disappearing, Tori Amos

5. You see this kind if chick in every town/ whenever there’s a scene she’ always hanging around/ she’s so naive and innocent/ stares at you with awe/ she’s only 14 but she knows how to draw. Superlungs my Supergirl, Donovan.

I'M OVER IT

It is official. At about 4:30pm yesterday I put in my two weeks notice at work. As those who have been reading for a while know there is a lot that I really love about my job. However, I have reached a kind of stalemate. There isn’t much left for me to learn and there isn’t anywhere left to go. I’ve had my eyes open for a while, looking for the right opportunities and putting applications in here and there. Something perfect clicked and I am so excited about this new chapter.

I’m going to be working for DePaul University in the Career Development department. I’ll be working primarily with student employees and ensuring that they have actual work to do and are both learning themselves and growing the program. I’ll be in a relatively new part of the department so I’ll be able to not only grow myself but help grow the university and the services they offer. It is a wonderful opportunity. Not only that, but they have tuition reimbursement that starts on day one of employment. I have no idea what I’ll be studying but I do know that I will be getting my masters in something. The great thing is that I have all the time in the world to figure it out and I don’t have to worry about the financial burden of changing directions.

Continuing my education is something that I have wanted to do since leaving college, I simply haven’t known how or had the resources to do it. What a day, what a day. I’m going to miss a lot about this crazy place that I work but I guess that is a good thing. Having just hired an assistant for the contract I work on I can leave knowing the work I started is in good hands. I’m so glad for that because I put a lot into my Customer Service class and I wouldn’t feel good laving it with someone I didn’t trust. Come Nov 26th I am on to a whole new adventure. I can’t wait to get started.

1. I know/ I can’t find you/ I go/ sit beside you

2. We love to boogie/ we love to boogie/ Jitterbug boogie/ High school boogie/ we love to boogie/ On a Saturday night

3. Daddy’s flown across the ocean/ leaving just a memory/ a snapshot in the family album/ daddy what else did you leave for me. Another Brick In The Wall Pt. 1, Pink Floyd. Identified by Katrina

4. Seven am so it begins again/ One zip favoring familiar silhouettes/ Left whips and chains/ Behind I’m boycotting trends it’s my new look this season

5. You see this kind if chick in every town/ whenever there’s a scene she’ always hanging around/ she’s so naive and innocent/ stares at you with awe/ she’s only 14 but she knows how to draw

SOMEDAY...

Most mornings as I leave for work Tony sleepily opens his eyes and says something nice to me like, “I’ll miss you,” or “I love you,” something like that and I’ll say something nice back to him. This morning was no different except, after all the normal things he said something else, “Someday…” I asked him, “Someday what” and he sleepily replied, “Someday we can all be greasers.”

Someday we can all be greasers. As I left the room I wondered what kind of strange dream he was having and laughed to myself at the implications of that statement. What if it were true? What kind of world would greaser world be? Would it be somewhere I would want to live? Would I even know if I wanted to live there or not because it would just be the norm? Questions abounded so I just decided to go with it. What steps would we have to take to make this happen and would society be better as a result of the shift?

Step 1. Fashion
Leather will make a serious comeback. Not that I’m saying leather has ever truly gone out of style, it has always been around in some shape or form but the waist length leather jacket is generally only seen as acceptable in certain circles. It will become the “it” item. The leather pant will become acceptable everyday wear for all people, not just rock stars and prostitutes. The shiner the leather the more prestige it will have. Every male will rock a white-t. They won’t be hip-hop anymore. The size of the t-shirts will be regulated and no XXLs will be sold to people who are normal sized. Greasers don’t do baggy. Women are welcome to leather but will be encouraged to wear brightly colored Capri pants or knee-length pencil skirts. Sweaters, both long and short sleeved, will be the rage but are not to hit lower than the top of the hip, it will be acceptable to tuck them in. The bullet bra will be back in full force. The pointier the boobs are the hotter the woman will be. As far as hair goes, it is obvious we are talking grease and combs handy at all times. Neither men nor women will be exempt from this rule although the ladies will no be required to appear as if they have just com from the shower.

Step 2. Vehicles
The SUV will become completely obsolete and the muscle car will return with a vengeance. Motorcycle sales will skyrocket and every young lady who is anyone at all will ride a Vespa that matches their sweater or scarf. The sedan will be seen as the lamest of all lame vehicles. Trucks of the pick-up variety will be acceptable.

Step 3. Attitude
Smoking will no longer be banned in public places. In fact, it will be encouraged as will general loitering. Slang will be the norm because you can’t be cool and talk like a square. Rumbles will be acceptable as a last resort for settling arguments but not with heavy weaponry because only a chicken pulls a gun in a rumble. Real men fight with knives, chains, bats, and tire irons. People will be respected for their level of cool not their level of success in the traditional sense. Greasers will still want the global economy to run smoothly. Not to say that people won’t have the same jobs we do today but the pay scales for some professions will shift dramatically. The expert mechanic will be one of the highest paid professionals in the world.

So, would I enjoy life as a greaser? Is this the way that the world should head in order to solve our problems of war, greed, hate, and inequity? I admit that parts of it sound ok. Nukes would be out of the question, there is nothing greaser about killing people from hundreds of miles away. But rampant leather and smoking only promises more anger and general grossness among the population at large. I’ve always wanted a Vespa and there is something about those bullet bras that make sweaters look great. Even so, I like a variety of people. I know there are many styles of greasers and I haven’t even touched on so many aspects of greaser culture here but I think I might prefer more widespread tastes. I suppose that I’ll have to disagree with Tony. Someday, we can’t all be greasers. It just wouldn’t work.

1. My dick costs a late night fee/ Your dick got the HIV/ My dick plays on the double feature screen/ Your dick went straight to DVD.

2. Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Trippin’ over rails and fences/ Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Made of the mist in the abyss.

3. I feel unhappy/ I feel so sad/ I’ve lost the best friend/ That I ever had.

4. I really know how it feels to be/ Stressed out stressed out/ when you’re face to face with your adversity

5. Sucking on my titties like you wanted me calling me/ all the time like Blondie/ Check out my chrissy behind it's fine

A SPOOKY MEME

I found this meme over at Katrina's blog and just had to take it. I am like totally trying to get in the spirit.

1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
Hands down it was the original Amityville Horror. That was easily the scariest thing ever created. It was based on a true story which made it even more terrifying. The new one was horrible, I fell asleep in the theater.

2. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a child?
Voltron, I was wicked awesome. I had a mask and a Blazing Sword that talked. I had big old shoulders made of cardboard.

3. Given enough money what would be your fantasy Halloween costume?
I really want Tony and I to go as Ernie and Bert because he is tall and I am short, I have a roundhead and he has a long one. It shouldn’t be that hard to do but since we love Ernie and Bert so much we would want it to be perfect and since I don’t have time to shop for the perfect striped sweaters or make a very very long paperclip chain I would want to hire someone to do this for us.

4. When was the last time you went trick-or-treating?
I want to say I was 14 or 15. I was far too old for it.

5. What is your favorite Halloween candy?
As far as traditional Halloween candy goes I would say candy corn. It is incredibly disgusting and tastes as if chalk were made of marshmallows but I still like it.

6. Tell us about a scary nightmare you once had.
Well the scariest are the nightmares about the Blue Meanies. If you want true horror click on the link. My first nightmare was of a HUGE monarch butterfly wearing high top turquoise Chuck Taylor’s stomping around my bed and looking at me. It sucked.

7. What is your supernatural fear?
The guy outside the window. He has a long long beard and fucked up teeth. He has wispy long falling off hair and he cackles. He looks like he spent way too long out at sea. I swear I have seen him outside my bedroom window many many times. The thing is that my bedroom is almost never on the first floor. He also doesn’t generally have a body.

8. What is your "creepy-crawly" fear?
Pede-like creatures are the worst of all creatures. You know em, those really fast centipede type creatures that can swim so you can't drown them in the toilet. Ugh.

9. Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost or heard something go bump in the night.
Other than the headless old man at the window I would have to say in the Marshall Field Music Building at SLC. It has always been said that the building is haunted. People would get trapped in practice rooms or other strange things would happen. The stories of where the ghost originated are vast and unconnected. One day I was in there with my sister and her friend Corey and I went into this dark back stairway for some reason. The door slammed shut on me (no one was around because they were on a different floor) and it wouldn’t open. It was pitch black and utterly terrifying. I pulled and pulled and pushed and twisted the knob but all in vain. Then it just swung open. Very strange.

10. Would you stay overnight in a real haunted house?
I might say that I would but if something real fucked happened I would be out the door.

11. Are you a traditionalist or a creative carver of your Jack-O'Lantern?
I haven’t carved a pumpkin in a really long time but I like to think that I would do something creative. Then again, I would probably try but not be happy with it and then just cut some triangles for eyes and a crooked mouth to cover up my errors.

12. How much do you decorate your house at Halloween?
None. That is for people with kids.

13. What do you want on your tombstone?
I don’t really expect to have one because I am going to live forever.

1. My dick costs a late night fee/ Your dick got the HIV/ My dick plays on the double feature screen/ Your dick went straight to DVD.

2. Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Trippin’ over rails and fences/ Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Made of the mist in the abyss.

3. I feel unhappy/ I feel so sad/ I’ve lost the best friend/ That I ever had.

4. I really know how it feels to be/ Stressed out stressed out/ when you’re face to face with your adversity

5. Sucking on my titties like you wanted me calling me/ all the time like Blondie/ Check out my chrissy behind it's fine

MANIC MONDAY- DROP

The Manic Monday word for today is Drop. Visit Mo to see other Manic Monday participants.

One of my old students was officially dropped from her new program today. It was a great opportunity, a paid training program in landscaping with internships with the city parks. She loved it. She came into what can only be called a series of unfortunate events which ultimately culminated in her termination. However, as she had been doing so well, her program director called a meeting of people in her network so we could see what her next steps would be. I went to the meeting, her counselor was there, we were supposed to conference in her case manager, but no student. She had officially dropped out. The meeting was short. Her chance to get back into the program was over.

When I was working with Wards of the State, I was constantly confronted with students who had been dropped from one thing or another. The biggest drop they experienced was that from their families. In some cases, families really tried to hold on to the students that ultimately ended up in front of me. In others, their families simply didn’t care. Either way, it set up a mentality in many of them that there was very little in life that they could control. They then were dropped from various educational institutions. Even though some of those drops were self-selected I think, in many cases, they could have been prevented by the use of better support networks. By the time I met them, they were jaded and distrustful of authority.

When we would schedule meetings to discuss their futures, goals, problems, etc., they would often fail to show up. Sometimes, when we would see changes in behavior the student would drop off the face of the earth before we could even schedule an intervention. While frustrating, I have come to see two things that I think contribute to the students dropping their obligations. The first is that if a student has a problem and a meeting is scheduled to fix that problem the student perceives that the adults will be making a decision as to their future for them. They don’t believe that they will have a true voice in the discussion. Therefore, they see the meeting as a waste of time and drop it. Secondly, dropping out of activities becomes a sort of self-assertion. They are finally in control of something that impacts their future and they want their decision to be heard. The sad thing is, not too many people are going to listen to a dropout, with obvious exceptions of course.

When I think of all the young men and women who are out there, who are not in school nor are they working I wonder what they are doing. What are their reasons and what is their motivation? Are they asserting their independence, albeit in a misguided and detrimental way or are they merely under the impression that their actions are inconsequential and therefore action itself is worthless? What can we do to fix this problem? How do we get them to drop back in?

The unguessed songs from last week are below.

2. And I tell you everything/ And hope that you won’t tell on me/ Not give you anything/ And know that you won’t tell on me. Softer, Softest. Hole

3. So here it is/ Fuck it/ Friends or no friends/ I’ve had enough bullshit to last me clear to the end. On The Down Low, Pharcyde

FOODIE FRIDAY- PORTOBELLO STEAK

I think my readers must think I live only for the mushroom. This is not true. I have merely cooked some rather delicious mushrooms lately. Without further ado, I give you Portobello Steak.

Marinade:
-¾ cups olive oil
-1/8 cup soy sauce
-1 tbsp red wine vinegar
-Juice of one lemon
-3 cloves garlic thickly chopped
-Many sprigs of rosemary
-Enough water to cover the mushrooms

However many large Portobello caps you need (1 per person)

-Soak mushrooms in marinade overnight
-Grill or cook in a sauté pan over med-high head
-Serve with steak sauce on the side.
Enjoy

I served this with the Spaghetti Squash Pomodoro from last week to have a very filling meal that, according to sparkpeople.com consisted of about 167 calories, 26g carbs, 6g fat, and 5g protein (1 mushroom, 1tbsp steak sauce, and 1.5 cups squash).

Funny text message of the day:
“You say funny things when you sleep. Like you had your eyes open and talked nonsense for like thirty seconds”

1. You snake/ You crawled/ Between my legs/ Said want it all/ It’s yours you bet. Snake, PJ Harvey. Identified by Brooke.

2. And I tell you everything/ And hope that you won’t tell on me/ Not give you anything/ And know that you won’t tell on me

3. So here it is/ Fuck it/ Friends or no friends/ I’ve had enough bullshit to last me clear to the end

4. Speak Low/ When you speak love/ Oh Summer day withers away too soon/ Too soon. Speak Low, Identified by Mom. This version happened to be Billie Holiday.

5. Good feeling won’t you stay with me/ Just a little longer/ Always seems like you’re leaving/ when I need you here just a little longer. Good Feeling, Violent Femmes. Identified by Brooke.

A BIT OF BONNIE

This is a small slice of a piece that I have been working on and not working on for a long time. I really need to work on it more. It is very very rough. I thought that by putting a small piece of it out in the world I might be more inspired to make it better. By the way, this is my work and if I find it stolen I reserve the right to kill.

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When we were in third grade Bonnie told me that she loved me. I thought that was it. My life was set forever and ever. Like I said, I loved fairy-tales and Bonnie was my fairy princess. We would move to a mansion by the lake and have two children, either a girl and a boy or two girls but definitely not two boys, and we would be happy. We would work hard to instill the desire to change the world in our offspring and our children would be smart, talented, and beautiful. One would grow up to be president and the other would be an artist. We would be so proud. It was to be a beautiful life. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I still believe it can come true. I can never tell Bonnie this. She would say she finds me creepy then look at me like a rooster would for a good thirty seconds and never speak of it again. I would never forget that cockeyed look and it would cause a chasm to spread between us and our friendship would tumble from the precipice into the deep dark gloomy depths of the ocean where the scary blind fish with the light bulbs dangling creepily from their heads and the creepy jagged teeth live; never to emerge again.

These days Bonnie is in love with a "cool guy" named Thomas. She met him in a yoga class that she took one day on a whim. She said she never planned to go back after the first class because the teacher was just a little too much of a hippy for her. Most people think Bonnie is a hippie but really she just doesn’t like pants. Well, she likes some pants but none anywhere near as much as skirts. Pants generally look better with skirts or dresses anyway or so she tells me. I am still not sure if she is right. Anyway, this hippie teacher had the class lay on each other’s backs and picture seascapes while he played a cowbell and told them to remember to breathe. As far as I can tell, people generally don’t forget to breathe. The body kind of takes care of that on its own. Bonnie had to lay all curled up in a ball while Thomas draped himself over her in some sort of odd arched fashion and they started breathing at the same rate and the next thing you know she decided she loved him. Maybe there was more to it than that but I don't think details are all that important. What is important is that she kept going to class and, kept loving him.

I hate Thomas. I don't even pretend to like him (except when talking to Bonnie or Thomas). I think he looks like my stress ball when it exploded after repeated squeezes. I was squeezing it and it just burst open. This white foamy stuff squirted out and there were these little balls in it. Somehow, the purple ball looked like a big red pimple. I couldn’t stop squeezing it. Actually, Thomas looked nothing like an exploded stress ball but he made me feel like the exploded ball did. I just wanted to squeeze him and watch all his ooze gush out of him and leave him a hollow shell. I don’t really think of myself as a stressed person but I must have been that day for my ball to just explode like that. I try to tell myself I'm not still in love with Bonnie but I hate Thomas enough to make me think I must be. Honestly, I know that part of me really really loves her. Moreover, I am sure Thomas is gay. Definitely gay. Because he is gay he will break her heart. I would never break her heart.

I must find someone to love me so that Bonnie will realize she belongs with me and that Thomas is nothing but a big stress ball and I am like a warm bath. Ah yes, that's what I'm like, a nice warm bubble bath with rosemary oil lightly drizzled throughout and candles strategically placed around the tub and incense, nag champa incense, that had gone out ten minutes before she entered the room and things were just nice and light and aromatic. If she knew that is what I am like how could she help but realize how wonderful I would be for her. But what if I were to fall in love with this mystery person I have vowed to find? What if they turn out to be my one true love rather than Bonnie, the girl I have based my entire existence on? If that were to happen, it would prove that my life had been based on a mistruth and therefore I would have to completely reexamine everything. Shit, I can’t do that.

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1. What if the show didn’t go on/ What if we all got jobs and got to bed before dawn/ What if Old Joe had to retire/ What if all the stagehands were let go or fired.

2. You’ve taken the fun/ Out of everything/ Making me run/ When I don’t want to think

3. Every night/ Out for love/ Get my strength from the man above/ God of pistol/ God of steel/ God is here behind my wheel

4. They love me like I was a brother/ They protect me/ Listen to me. Nice Dreams, Radiohead. Identified by Monica.

5. I said oh/ I got this feeling and it's deep in my body/ it gives me wiggles and it makes my rump shake/ I said oh

CAN I GET A GRADUATION?

I have nothing delicious to write about on this particular Friday although I did just consume a delectable albeit overpriced quesadilla at Macy’s. In defense of it’s over pricedness it came with a salad, but not much of a salad. Yet, once I was done, the deliciousness of the marinated mushrooms, poblanos roasted with onions and Chihuahua cheese made me feel better about the price. It was essentially worth it. Yum.

Last night I had a very strange dream. I was back at school and it was the day before graduation. There were instances of stress-filled debauchery everywhere you could turn. People were breaking down, hooking up, and throwing up around every corner. A large portion of the dream took place in the public restroom. There weren’t many public restrooms at school and certainly not any of this size. The way the doors were arranged made no sense. One stall opened into the next, people talked while handling their business, gender separation was out the window, and dogs were abundant. It was a strange bathroom.

One of the oddest things about graduation was that people from both my High School and College were there. A few people that I never went to school with at all were there. Regardless of that fact, we were all graduating. The weirdest thing was that I had no idea what we were graduating from. Even though the dream took place at a school I don’t think it was a school graduation. I remember shady snippets of the earlier parts of the dream and they were more focused on parties and celebrations of achievements but not scholastic ones. Maybe we were graduating from life?

I miss graduations. I miss having a set end date by which time you will have exhibited your knowledge of a particular subject or subjects and that learning will be recognized. People that come to see you will be proud and will shake your hand. They will be there for you and your achievements. You are the center of attention at graduation. I don’t care if you graduate last in your class there are always some who don’t graduate at all. With graduation, even being the worst is something to celebrate. Not so with life.

In the greater experience that is life, your achievements are rarely recognized. Or, if they are, only a select group of people care. Instead your achievements are expected and seen as part of growing-up. If you get a promotion or a new job people might give you a pat on the back and maybe a piece of cake but the same outpour of support, excitement, and adoration just isn’t there. Instead people are jealous. They wonder why it is you and not them that gets the cake. They wish you well on your journey while they contemplate taking your stapler. You know you have the good one.

I guess if I want that overwhelming positive feeling of achievement while embracing and saying good-bye to a stage of life I better get my butt back to school. Even so, I know it won’t be the same. For adults things are just different. Everyone has their own agenda and even when it comes to education they do it differently. I’m never going to live in a dorm again. I’m never going to another school dance. I’m not going to participate in any of those activities that bring people together because I can’t. If I could I don’t even know if I would want to. I’m done with that.

So what was my dream telling me? Was it saying I am ready for a change? Was my mind telling me that I have reached the point where this stage of life can teach me no more and I have to move on? Was it just a really random dream that was made up of all the other dreams I had over the course of a long night that got jumbled together between the tones of the alarm and meant nothing? I may never know. I just know it made me feel warm and cozy and part of something old on it’s way to becoming something new.

1. I think I’ll walk to the moon/ I don’t think I’ll be back soon/ I’ll take some water and time/ And I’ll be fine/ Yes, I’ll be fine

2. There lived a certain man in Russia long ago/ He was big and strong in his eyes a flaming glow/ Most people looked at him with terror and with fear/ But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear. Rasputin, Boney M. Identified by The Doc. Who is incredibly cool for knowing this insane mess.

3. Stop the bus/ I want to be lonely/ When seconds pass slowly and years go flying by/ You gotta stop the bus/ And get off here.

2. Canyon girl/ ‘neath imaginary skies is beckoning/ in a fictional world/ I fear I got no business being in

5. Well I’m coming through your window/ I see your family there/ Well I’m the midnight creeper/ When I go creepin’ ya’ll better beware

MEME MADNESS

I got three tags the other day so here they go.

The first is an oh so flattering Rockin' Girl Blogger award from The Thinker

How cool is that? I also get to tag five rockin' ladies with it. I am going to tag some awesome ladies.

1. Mrs. Loquacious because she is a real nice lady who tends to ROCK out a bit. Plus, she was the first person I didn't know who left me a comment and that rocks.

2. I got to give one to my dear friend Monica because she always tells me about rockin' bands to listen to and she just ROCKS in general. Without her my instances of leaving the house would be even fewer and that would be quite scary.

3. I'm going to throw one to Blondie, and since Clark St. is real close, she might even catch it. She made me feel less nervous about turning 30 in a few years with her recent chronicle. Cheers to that, it ROCKS.

4. Mood Indigo was gone for a long time doing incredibly important work with The Africa Project but I am selfishly happy she is back because she ROCKS!

5. I also want to send one to Blog Antagonist because she writes one the three or four "mommy blogs" that I enjoy. She doesn't just post stuff about her kids that no one cares about. She has important and interesting things to say. She also recently took her eldest to a Fall Out Boy concert because they really wanted to go and that kind of move ROCKS.

The second is from Memoirs of a Fat Girl
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.
Classy & Fancy
[Cherry] Ride/
5of9erAiram
Memoirs of a Fat Girl
Almost Interesting Musings on Life

Select five people to tag: You, You, You, You and...uh...You

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I had just graduated from High School and was working at Learner New York (now NY&Co). I hung out with all the friends I knew I would keep forever (and now talk to very few) and switched from saying pop to saying soda because I didn’t want to get made fun of.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was finishing up my wonderful contract working with DCFS youth and getting ready to be the temporary Volunteer Services director. I am now again the temporary Volunteer Services director. If I am doing the same thing next year I might die.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. cheese
2. popcorn
3. guacamole
4. yogurt w/various cereals and/or fruits
5. hummus

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
1. The Humpty Dance, Digital Underground
2. Sunshine Superman, Donovan
3. The Circle Game, Joni Mitchell
4. Disseminated, Soul Coughing
5. Tender, Blur

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
A million isn’t as much as it used to be so it isn’t going to last me very long. Maybe by millionaire they meant multiple millions? I took it literally. It's a little selfish but I give back every day at work so screw it.

1. Pay off my debts
2. Buy a lofty 3bed 2 bath condo
3. Buy a Smart Car
4. Take a year off to travel with Tony
5. If I have anything left (and there won’t be much after that vacation) invest it

Five bad habits:
1. cracking any joint that I possibly can
2. being a total slob
3. making decisions
4. finishing projects that I have started
5. not taking as good care of myself as I should

Five things you like doing:
1. cooking/eating fun and exciting foods
2. road trips with good people
3. sleeping in
4. all kinds of movies/ TV and video games
5. nothing

Five things you would never wear again:
1. culottes
2. sneakers with a heel (the maroon ones with a big sole don’t count)
3. shiny lycra (I’m talking about skating here people and maybe a few other times)
4. scrunchies
5. the crazy blue horizontal striped dress (but I’ll still wear it in the house)

Five favorite toys:
1. iPod
2. PS2
3. Cable
4. Scrabble
5. Monopoly

I was also tagged by Not Fearing Change for the 8 random facts meme. I think Monica tagged me with this or something like this but since I used her facts it wasn't quite right.

Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8.
Players should tag 8 other people and notify them that they have been tagged.

I am tagging the five "Yous" from above and also You, You and...um...You

Just the (Random) Facts
1. My second toe on my right foot is longer than my big toe but on the left foot the big toe is longer. I think if I can figure out why this is I will unlock my mutant toe power.

2. I am 5ft tall but think I am much taller. When I see people my height walking around I am always struck by how small they are.

3. Right now I am relatively damp because I ran across the street in a torrential downpour an hour and a half ago.

4. I used to have a severe SIMS addiction. It stopped because the downloads I had didn’t work with Nightlife and I got annoyed because new SIMS had bad hair.

5. Most of the time I would rather be sitting at home.

6. I have only 400 pages left to read in War and Peace thus completing my reading of the books on my bookshelf...I think.

7. I have just folded 50 brochures about my customer service training

8. I love lamp

This post has taken me about five hours to actually finish. I am too tired for random songs.

WHAT KIND OF CELEBRATION IS THIS?

I was quite saddened this morning when I read a story that a man was beaten to death at a Juneteeth celebration in Austin, TX. Apparently, a car hit and injured, although not critically, a young girl at the celebration. The driver got out of the car to check on her and was attacked. The passenger of the car got out to help the driver and was, in turn, beaten to death. The driver was able to get away.

I understand the anger that can ensue after witnessing a child being injured. I also know that there is no excuse in beating a man to death. What really tore my heart out was that this happened at a Juneteenth celebration.

People were there celebrating the fact that news of emancipation finally reached the ears of the people. Six months after the Emancipation Proclamation people were finally able to be “free”. For a celebration of freedom turn violent and destructive is a travesty. I realize that of the many thousands of people who were at the celebration, only twenty or so participated in this heinous act. That is twenty to many. The acts of these few people mar the celebration of thousands. Instead of being about celebration, the day becomes a day of mourning and regret.

A crowd of twenty falling upon and killing one man sounds like a lynching to me. That is a horrible thing to happen any day but was even more despicable on that day. It makes me wonder how many people celebrate because of what the day means and how many celebrate because it is an excuse to get out in the streets and act a fool. It makes me wonder if the fact that the man beaten to death had the last name Morales had anything to do with the willingness of the crowd to be so harsh. It made me wonder what that young girl will think when she hears about the incident years later; will she blame herself, will she care? It made me wonder so many things that I had no business wondering and shouldn’t have had to think about.

Why are people so full of anger, hatred, and disregard? I’m not stupid, or ill-informed, I could cite many many answers to the very question I just posed. However, I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to think of what in our society contributes to this kind of tragedy. I just want things to get better. I do my best to ensure that they do. I try to talk to people and make sure people understand. I am sure I could do so much more. Unfortunately, no matter how much I do, no matter if I laid down my life for the good of humanity, I don’t think things would change all that much. I don’t believe there are enough people out there who care about humanity and the strains that exist within our society that any true progress will be made anytime soon. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to have hope. Some days I even can se a light at the end of the tunnel. Then something like this happens, and it all goes dark.

1. Well my name is Young MC and I’m cold rockin’ the house/ I came up into the place and now I’m turning it out.

2. My baby’s always dancing/ And it wouldn't be a bad thing/ But I don't get no loving/ And that's no lie.

3. The creator of what’s now cliché/ Had some funny words to say/ all you little things are incomplete/ Why did he speak of us that way.

4. Just before our love got lost you said/ I am as constant as the northern star and I said/ Constantly in the darkness/ Where’s that at/ If you need me I'll be in the bar.

5. Love/ Exciting and new/ Come aboard/ We’re expecting you. The Love Boat Theme Song. Identified by Brooke.

MAKING PEACE

The Manic Monday theme for today is peace. To see all participants head over to see Mo at "It's a Blog Eat Blog World".

Obviously peace in all the war-torn regions of the world would be a more obvious and probably more relevant topic than what I am thinking about but that just isn’t where my mind is going right now. Therefore, here is my self-centered post about peace.

Tomorrow I am going to be 28. While I knew that last year was officially my entrance into the late-twenties, I feel I could still fudge my way into mid-twenties if I really wanted to. No more. That is ok though, I have made my peace.

Over the past week I have done a lot of thinking about direction and goals, as my regular readers know I am prone to do. I thought a lot about where I planned to be at this time in my life and where I am now. I worked hard on reconciling the two in my head and, I can confidently say, I am ok. In order to really be ok I had to examine a few stages of development of Natalie. I needed to look at where I thought I would be at this point in my life and see how things have changed.

Natalie Age 6- By age 28 I will have graduated from Medical School and finished my residency and be a practicing pediatric neurosurgeon with years of work under my belt (my sense of time was a bit off). I will have the perfect marriage, like my parents, and have 10 kids. I will live in a huge house on Summit Ave in St. Paul. I will have published many articles and cured some unknown neurological condition. I also will have skated in the Olympics.

Natalie Age 13- By age 28 I will be a pediatrician. I will have written the great American novel and be working on my second opus. I will have the perfect marriage and live in a huge house, very likely on Summit Ave in St. Paul. I will have three children, two girls and a boy and they will be gorgeous beautiful renaissance children.

Natalie Age 20- By age 28 I will be finishing up my residency in psychiatry and getting ready to open a private practice. I will have the perfect marriage and live in a nice house. I will possibly have a child but if not I will be getting ready to have one in the next year or so. I will have published many articles and will be working on some major psychiatric research.

Natalie Age 27 (for one more day)- At 28 I am trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I am in a wonderful and loving relationship and am not married but am with someone who I want those things to happen with sometime in the next ten years. I am thinking about how to eventually save enough money to buy a condo, probably in Chicago. I am working a job that I enjoy most days and feel as if I am making a difference to some of my students. I am “working on” my first novel that is incredibly self-indulgent that I have been "working on" for the past year and a half and I might eventually finish it. I periodically think of submitting my children’s book for publication. I am an utterly confused relatively directionless person but I am happy. I am at peace with that.

1. I never meant to give you mushrooms girl/ I never meant to bring you to my world/ But now you’re sitting in the corner crying/ And now it’s my fault my fault. My Fault, Eminem. Identified by Brooke.

2. I’ll do anything/ For my sweet sixteen/ And I’d do anything/ For little runaway child

3. The sea is foaming like a bottle of beer/ The wave is coming but I ain’t got no fear/ I’m waxing down so that I’ll go real fast/ I’m waxing down because it’s really a blast. Surf Wax America, Weezer. Identified by Monica

4. Two-headed boy/ all floating in glass/ The sun it is passed now it’s blacker than black/ I can hear as you tap on your jar. Two Headed Boy, Neutral Milk Hotel. Identified by Monica

5. Look on yonder misty mountain/ See the young monk meditating rhododendron forest/ over dusty hills I ask you/ What it’s been like being you. Epistle to Dippy, Donovan. Identified by Monica

A GRAPHIC DREAM

The Manic Monday word for today is Graphic. To visit more Manic Monday participants check out Morgen at It's a Blog Eat Blog World.

I have never been one to talk about how the graphic nature of our TV, music, and video games contributes negatively to our society. I have always maintained that we are intelligent enough to know right from wrong and entertainment from recommended ways of life. However, after watching The Sopranos and playing Grand Theft Auto (two of the more graphic means of entertainment available today), I had a very graphic and disturbing dream.

I was, apparently, Meadow Soprano. While out for a walk I came across a large tuck full of something and was suddenly surrounded by my father’s brutes sporting seriously heavy artillery. I’m talking rocket launchers, automatic weapons of all shapes and sizes, and maybe even a chainsaw or two. They commenced to jack up said large truck and blew it to smithereens. The rocket launcher was very useful in that endeavor. The explosions and resulting fires summoned the police and poor Meadow (me) had to run because simply being there and being a Soprano would have been bad.

I ran and hid in tall grasses, more graphic violence was going on all around me as police and mafia tried desperately to take each other out. Blood and guts abounded. Then came the dogs, I like dogs but they are never good when it comes to my dreams. They chased me all over the high grasses until I was eventually taken in by a lady cop, who happened to be Sarah Silverman, talk about a graphic comic.

We became friends but it didn’t stop her from taking me to the slammer. I had to call Tony (my Tony not Tony Soprano) and tell him I wouldn’t be home for dinner because I was being taken to jail. I don’t think he believed me. He was pissed. All kinds of graphic language spewed from his mouth.

After being let out of jail my parents, sister, and Monica’s friend Angel who I have met half a time came to pick me up. I didn’t want to talk. We drove through the hills of Minneapolis by lake of the isles and saw Bernie (often known as Rastamanern) fixing up a condo for his blushing bride. Why Monica wasn’t there was beyond me.

The point is that I may have to reassess my opinion on the graphic content of media influencing our subconscious. Mine certainly was tampered with. However, it was an incredibly entertaining dream, graphic or not, and I certainly don’t plan to change my viewing habits.

It’s now time to guess that song.

1. Well I wake up in the morning there’s frogs inside my socks/ Your mama she’s hiding inside the ice box/ Your daddy walks in wearing a Napoleon Bonaparte mask. On The Road Again, Bob Dylan. Identified by Brooke.

2. Suzanne/ You’re all that I wanted of a girl/ You’re all that I need in the world. Suzanne, Weezer. Identified by Monica

3. Andy/ Would bicycle across town/ In the rain to bring you candy/ And John would buy the gown/ For you to wear to the prom/ With Tom/ The astronomer who’d name a star for you.

4. All the world over so easy to see/ People everywhere just want to be free/ Listen please listen that’s the way it should be. People Got To Be Free, The Rascals. Identified by Monica

5. Do you have a shirt that you really love/ One that you feel so groovy in/ You don’t even mind if it starts to fade/ That only makes it nicer still. I Love My Shirt, Donovan. Identified by Monica

YOU VS. THE WORLD

I am sure that most of you may know the wonders of google stalking people. Some of you may do it more than others. If you say you have never looked up anyone you once knew on a search engine you are probably lying. I am a moderate google stalker. I occasionally think of someone I have lost track of and wonder if they are doing anything interesting. Are these people doing anything of note? Most of the time they are not. That’s ok because I am not doing anything of note either.

Today, however, I found an awesome exception to the rule. Sr. year of high school, I had English with a crazy cat named Tollef. He was a lot of fun to make jokes about Hamlet with and to carry on generally insane conversations. I was planning to ask him to prom because he was a fun person to be around and we would have had a crazy time. My best friend Emily ended up asking him instead. Emily got her second prom and I got my second no prom. It caused some problems between us because I told her about my idea and then a few days later she said she had the same idea and I conceded because I thought the friendship was more important. Today I really don’t care. Tollef later said if he had known he would have stayed his butt at home. I thought that was a good answer.

Anyway, in the almost ten years since high school, Tollef has moved to Alaska. Not only is he a salmon fisherman, which is pretty freaking awesome, but he is also an Iditarod racer. To top that off he finished in 10th place in the 2007 race and won an award for the most improved musher from 44th place in 2006. How freaking awesome is that?

What is even funnier is that this makes the second person I know who has gone to Alaska to mush dogs. Tony and I have an impossible to reach friend Will who tends to pop up suddenly for great times and then never returns a call or email for months also took some time away in Alaska. I think he was training and maintaining a pack of mushing dogs rather than racing them but it is still a coincidence. I wonder if they know each other. I would ask Will but I can’t get in touch with him.

The point is that it got me thinking of what kind of crazy man vs. nature thing I would chose to do if I were going to do some crazy man vs. nature type of thing, which I am not. That is certainly not my cup of tea. However, if it were, what would I do.? Alaska is certainly out of the question, far too cold. Therefore, any pole exploration also follows plus since that 79yr old woman became the first African- American to reach the North Pole all the glory is gone. Kidding of course but, damn, what a woman. Climbing mountains is certainly out, it’s also cold and the air is thin so my asthma would be a big detractor. I think I will go with exploring the upper canopy of the redwood forests. I saw this guy on The Colbert Report talking about it the other day and it seemed pretty cool. Not too cold, friendly squirrels and other wildlife that doesn’t know they should be afraid of humans, and lots and lots of ropes.

What would you do?

1. Love/ Used to be a stranger to me/ Love/ was so disappointing/ I was waiting for a sign/ I was looking for some company/ So I took a walk outside/ MMMM what a lucky day

2. Through the warmest cord of care/ Your love was sent to me/ I’m not sure/ What to do with it/ or where to put it

3. I’ve been living to see you/ Dying to see you but it shouldn’t be like this/ This was unexpected/ What do I do now/ Could we start again please. Could We Start Again, Jesus Christ Superstar Soundtrack. Identified by Brooke.

4. Tears on the sleeve of a man/ Don’t wanna be a boy today/ Heard the eternal footman/ Bought himself a bike to race. Pretty Good Year, Tori Amos. Identified by Brooke.

5. I am the voice inside your head/ And I control you/ I am the lover in your bed/ And I control you/ I am the sex that you provide/ And I control you/ I am the hate you try to hide/ And I control you. Mr. Self Destruct, Nine Inch Nails. Identified by Brooke.

WHO'S A SURVIVOR

After a long hiatus, I have returned to Manic Monday.

This post is full of twists and turns, I hope you can survive its non-linear incongruity.

Whenever I think of the word Survivor, I think of the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with “the survivors”. For those of you who have not seen it, here is a quick synopsis. Larry’s dad has a friend who is a Holocaust survivor. Larry is talking to a friend about how he has to have this survivor over for dinner. Larry’s friend mentions that he also knows a survivor so Larry suggests that he also come to dinner. Unfortunately, the friend’s “survivor” was not a Holocaust survivor. He was a cast member of the reality show Survivor. The two survivors get in an argument about who had the hardest time surviving. It was a hilarious episode.

Anyway my point is that survival is relative and that pain is also relative. That no matter how bad something may seem, from another perspective it could be looked at as an opportunity to learn something or to grow as a person. I’m not saying that the Holocaust falls into that category; that would be crazy talk. I’m just saying that anything is debatable. Every experience has two sides.

It seems like everyone I know is in the middle of something new. People are leaving jobs, moving, getting jobs, doing all kinds of fun and exciting things. I’m not doing anything. They are on one side of survival, the side that moves and changes. I am on the other side, the one that just trudges on aimlessly doing nothing but simply surviving. I almost would welcome a tragedy, something where I could dig in and get my hands dirty and make sure that I am alive, not just surviving.

Then again, what is so wrong with simple survival? Maybe there is nothing wrong with it. I am a happy person. I make people happy and ease their general survival. I have admitted to myself that I’m probably not going to make some enormous impact on our society as a whole. Why shouldn’t I just survive? What harm would it do? None, and it makes good blog ponderings. I suppose just by dealing with the ups and down of daily trails I am a survivor. Not a Survivor, but a survivor, and that might be okay with me.

1. I wanna reach out/ And touch the sky/ I wanna touch it/ But I don’t need to fly

2. Love/ Used to be a stranger to me/ Love/ was so disappointing/ I was waiting for a sign/ I was looking for some company/ So I took a walk outside/ MMMM what a lucky day

3. Through the warmest cord of care/ Your love was sent to me/ I’m not sure/ What to do with it/ or where to put it

4. Hey bra/ How ya doing man/ It’s been a while man life is so rad/ this band’s my favorite man don’t you love em/ Oh man you want a beer/ Oh man hell bra this is the best man I’m so glad we’re all back together and stuff/ this is great man/ Hey do you know about the party after the show/ Aw man it’s gonna be the best/ I’m so stoned/ take it easy bro. The Sweater Song, Weezer. Identified by Monica and Phil

5. I want to tell you/ My head is filled with things to say/ When you’re here/ All those words they seem to/ slip away. I Want To Tell You, The Beatles. Identified by Mom and Johnny Yen

IN WHICH MONICA ASKS ME QUESTIONS

An interview meme as been making the rounds. People volunteer to be interviewed by various bloggers and then are emailed a set of fun questions to answer and post on their blog. Monica has interviewed me. I will interview the first five people that tell me they would like to be interviewed, and Monica because she asked.

1. What is the best thing about you? Would others agree?
The best thing about me? That is not an easy question at all. I would have to say that it is that I can be an incredibly good friend and really try to make my friends as happy as I can. Of course I have had arguments with friends before, that is part of friendship, but even when I am upset with someone I think that I still love them and want the best for them. i help them out when I can in whatever ways they need and truly enjoy doing it. Would others agree? I would like to think that they would. Since I tend to keep truly good friends for a while I would assume that they do.

2. If you could be great at one instrument, what would it be?
I would love to be great at the kalimba. The first time that I remember seeing one was at my Uncle Jimmy’s and he played it. Uncle Jimmy was always the epitome of cool and I thought that it was an incredibly cool instrument. It would also be something highly unusual to be truly awesome at. I would enjoy that. I bet you could use a kalimba player in your fake ass band. Ok that was mean, sorry. I know you guys are real.

3. If you had to pick between saving Cho Cho or your mix tapes from a fire, what would the choice be?
That is an easy choice. I would quickly forget all about how much I loved mix tapes in a fire. The first things I would grab would be Cho Cho, my college photo album, and my diaries. The mix tapes would be way down on the list.

4. What do you get out of making a blog?
I get a lot out of making a blog. Sometimes I get headaches from thinking about things to write and that reminds me of a time when I actually had to think produce things. I like that feeling and had missed it. I also really enjoy the greater blog community. I enjoy the voyeuristic aspect of peeking in on peoples lives. I have always been fascinated by people and what makes them work and blogs are a great way to enjoy that fascination without being totally intrusive and creepy. With a blog people put themselves out there and you don’t have to pull information from them. I also enjoy writing. Blogging gives me an excise to write about nothing and everything and I get some sort of validation from having people comment on and seem to enjoy the random things that are in my brain. Initially, I thought it would be a good way to waste time. It has become more than that.

5. What movie or book is the most like your life? Why?
I have been thinking of an answer to this question for a long long time (well the three hours since i read it). The most valid answer would be Bonnie’s Book of Beliefs (once it’s finished) because it is loosely based on my life. However, that is a total copout of an answer. To be absolutely accurate I would have to say Naive Super by Erlend Loe. One of the things that really struck me was the main character’s obsession with time and if it really matters or not. I have a strong obsession with, as well as an aversion to, the concept of time. Our main character couldn’t find any meaning in his life and was desperate for direction. Although I can find meaning here and there in my life, anyone reading this blog will see that I too am desperate for direction. He finds solace in childish games like the hammer and pegs and a rubber ball, I find solace in children’s books. I flipped through the book to see if I could find something that really explained how it summed me up; luckily I had taken a pen to it so that made finding good stuff easier. I found this, “And while dawn breaks, I sit there thinking that I’m a really good guy and never mind space and time and all the rest of it.” The thing is, he can’t help but mind space and time and all the rest of it. Neither can I.

The Stars That Play With Laughing Sam’s Dice, Jimi Hendrix- I love how Jimi Hendirx has all this music that comes out periodically. He is like 2 Pac. He wrote this song a long time ago. It was released a fairly decent time ago as well but some people will get the joke.

Master of Puppets, Metallica- UUHHHH UUHHHH this didn’t just happen. Please strike this from your memory

The Gambler, Kenny Rogers- The Muppet Show with Kenny Rogers as the guest contains a skit to the music of this song. It is relatively terrifying. There is an eerily human Muppet as the Gambler and he of course dies and then gets all ghostly and sings songs. Creepy.