MANIC MONDAY: FROST

It has been a long time since I have done a Manic Monday. Visit Mo to see other Manic Monday participants. I keep meaning to but then I keep forgetting or have something else to talk about. Today I want to talk about this word. Frosty.

There are many things that are frosty; Frosties, Frost, Ice, Windows, Bitches, etc. However, there is one type of frost that surpasses all and that is the sheet of frost on the outside of a proper Jell-O Pudding Pop. Once you have dispatched with the frosty ice sheet the pop will then bend in a luscious and wonderful way. Unfortunately, these pops are no longer available. The Jell-O pops of today are all wrong. They are the wrong shape, the wrong taste, and they have no frosty ice sheet. They are a true disappointment.

However, all is not lost. There is a frosty ice sheet to be had. It exists on a fruit pop instead of a pudding pop but that is ok. It will do. I’m, talking about Breyers all fruit bars. MMMMM delicious. They are also shaped like the pudding pop so that makes them even more perfect. I have eaten the Strawberry flavor so it is really the only one I can completely vouch for but I have a feeling that all flavors will suffice. Under the frosty ice sheet the pops bend in a Jell-O-like way as well. These pops are excellent. They are also incredibly low in calories and sugars. You can’t beat that.

I really want to try the Swirl variety pack. Man those flavors sound fantastic; Blueberry Lemon, Strawberry Blueberry, Strawberry lemon, and Strawberry Orange. Plus, the swirl pudding pop was always my favorite. I feel really sad for Monica because I know how much she loves pudding pops (maybe even more than I do) and most of these flavors have strawberry in them and she can’t eat Strawberry. The rest of you should eat these things. I can’t stand frosty goodness like this disappearing twice.

1. My dick costs a late night fee/ Your dick got the HIV/ My dick plays on the double feature screen/ Your dick went straight to DVD.

2. Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Trippin’ over rails and fences/ Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Made of the mist in the abyss.

3. I feel unhappy/ I feel so sad/ I’ve lost the best friend/ That I ever had.

4. I saw her today at the reception/ A glass of wine in her hand. You Can't Always Get What You Want, Rolling Stones. Identified by Phil

5. I really know how it feels to be/ Stressed out stressed out/ when you’re face to face with your adversity

MANIC MONDAY- DROP

The Manic Monday word for today is Drop. Visit Mo to see other Manic Monday participants.

One of my old students was officially dropped from her new program today. It was a great opportunity, a paid training program in landscaping with internships with the city parks. She loved it. She came into what can only be called a series of unfortunate events which ultimately culminated in her termination. However, as she had been doing so well, her program director called a meeting of people in her network so we could see what her next steps would be. I went to the meeting, her counselor was there, we were supposed to conference in her case manager, but no student. She had officially dropped out. The meeting was short. Her chance to get back into the program was over.

When I was working with Wards of the State, I was constantly confronted with students who had been dropped from one thing or another. The biggest drop they experienced was that from their families. In some cases, families really tried to hold on to the students that ultimately ended up in front of me. In others, their families simply didn’t care. Either way, it set up a mentality in many of them that there was very little in life that they could control. They then were dropped from various educational institutions. Even though some of those drops were self-selected I think, in many cases, they could have been prevented by the use of better support networks. By the time I met them, they were jaded and distrustful of authority.

When we would schedule meetings to discuss their futures, goals, problems, etc., they would often fail to show up. Sometimes, when we would see changes in behavior the student would drop off the face of the earth before we could even schedule an intervention. While frustrating, I have come to see two things that I think contribute to the students dropping their obligations. The first is that if a student has a problem and a meeting is scheduled to fix that problem the student perceives that the adults will be making a decision as to their future for them. They don’t believe that they will have a true voice in the discussion. Therefore, they see the meeting as a waste of time and drop it. Secondly, dropping out of activities becomes a sort of self-assertion. They are finally in control of something that impacts their future and they want their decision to be heard. The sad thing is, not too many people are going to listen to a dropout, with obvious exceptions of course.

When I think of all the young men and women who are out there, who are not in school nor are they working I wonder what they are doing. What are their reasons and what is their motivation? Are they asserting their independence, albeit in a misguided and detrimental way or are they merely under the impression that their actions are inconsequential and therefore action itself is worthless? What can we do to fix this problem? How do we get them to drop back in?

The unguessed songs from last week are below.

2. And I tell you everything/ And hope that you won’t tell on me/ Not give you anything/ And know that you won’t tell on me. Softer, Softest. Hole

3. So here it is/ Fuck it/ Friends or no friends/ I’ve had enough bullshit to last me clear to the end. On The Down Low, Pharcyde

MANIC MONDAY- MISS

The Manic Monday word for today is MISS. To view other Manic Monday participants check out Mo at It's a Blog Eat Blog World.

There are a lot of things that I miss. Some of these things them are people, some are places, some are inanimate objects, some are feelings. People and places can be visited. Inanimate objects can be brought out of storage. Feelings, however, can rarely be recaptured once they are gone.

The feeling of summer vacations, carefree and unending left at about age eleven. After that summers got to be too long. I ran out of things to do. The warm days lost their interest and a cardboard box no longer held hours of entertainment. There weren’t enough stations on the television to keep my interest and the friends I spent past summers with we no longer next door. I could recapture glimpses of that carefree feeling in the summers that followed. Some days felt like they could go on forever as if I would never again have to do anything but the feeling was fleeting and I would realize that I wasn’t being “mature” or maybe would be distracted by a cute boy.

I miss those days. I think that vacations as an adult carry almost a desperate quality to them. The idea that you have to regain a snippet of that carefree unending feeling of weightlessness before you are forced to return to the daily grind pushes you to relax to the point of exhaustion. You know your time is limited and you know what you are returning to. By the time you are able to lose track of the date you have to snap back quickly because the date of your return is right around the corner. It doesn’t stop us from trying though. Any mere taste of that childhood freedom is a beacon of hope. That the feeling still exists somewhere out there, you just need to grab it.

I miss flying. From seven to seventeen I could fly, metaphorically that is. I could always escape on the ice. The cold wind blasting into my face brought tears to my eyes. They weren’t tears of sadness or even tears of joy; they were tears of speed. There came a point where that feeling of flight became a chore and I lost the joy. I knew it was time to quit. But I missed it. In college I tried to recapture that feeling, the tears would still come but not as often and not as strong. I couldn’t fly as fast or jump as high and the work that I would have had to put in to recapture that feeling was too much for me to handle at that point. I simply didn’t have the time. Even today I toy with the notion of getting back on the ice but I know I would be even more disappointed than I was seven years ago and I have even less time to bring that feeling back.

Not to say that there aren’t new feelings that I feel privileged to have and that I am sure I would miss just as much were they to leave. They are everywhere. Some are very comforting. I guess the feelings I miss are the ones that leave you wide open. I miss not being a grown up. Even though there is a lot in my life that is still wide open, I know that the time I have to take advantage of all that life has to experience is slowly fading. Even though I don’t know all the specifics, I have a general idea of where I am going. I like that general idea, it feels good, but I miss not knowing and I miss having all the time in the world to make up my mind.

I put 90% of my music back on my iPod. The only things that I couldn’t put back were things that I got before my computer crashed so they aren’t saved on my hard drive and were only held in the iPod itself. At least I know what those things were so that I can get them again. At least there is enough on there to have a proper shuffle game. Here we go.

1. Hey Mr. Tough/ Don’t you think we’ve suffered enough/ Why don’t you meet me on the dance floor/ When it’s time to time time. Mr. Tough, Yo La Tengo. Identified by Monica

2. All aboard/ The night train/ Miami, Florida/ Atlanta, Georgia, Raleigh, North Carolina. Night Train, James Brown. Identified by Johnny Yen

3. Good morning Worm, Your Honor/ The crown will plainly show the prisoner who now stands before you/ Was caught red-handed showing feelings. The Trial, Pink Floyd. Identified by Johnny Yen

4. I’m so happy cause today I found my friends/ They’re in my head/ I’m so ugly that’s ok cause so are you/ Broke our mirrors. A song by Nirvana that my Mom doesn't know the name of but then recalled that it is Lithium.

5. Sittin in a park in Paris, France/ Reading the news and it sure looks bad/ They won’t give peace a chance/ That was just a dream some of us had. California, Joni Mitchell. Identified by Mom.

MANIC MONDAY- WIND

I have been a little lax in my Manic Mondaying and I thought people may have begun to catch wind of that fact. However, as the word today is Wind (he he), I thought I would do a special shuffle with songs that have something to do with wind. If I can pull it off, that is. I also wanted to do a meme that With Love, Fat Girl had up that was all about Harry Potter. I promise this will be my final Potter post.

1. Butterbeer or Pumpkin Juice? Butterbeer, without a doubt. I like beer. I like root beer. I think I would like butter beer. Nice creamy beer is never bad. Pumpkin juice would taste too much like pie filling I think. Pie filling is good but beer is better.

2. What's your wand? The Elder Wand of course

3. What would be your Hogwarts house? I’ve been sorted a few times by a few different hats, although we know there is really just one. Every time I come up Gryffindor

4. If you were an animagus, which animal would you be? A bear cub and I would never grow to full size.

5. Which character do you resemble best? I don’t seem to recall any Black Jews in the Potter world. In fact, I recall very few Black characters at all. The only one I remember at all is some boy. I also don’t recall any Latina characters, I kind of look like them sometimes. I’m going to have to go with Padma Patil (Ron’s date to the ball in Goblet of Fire). Indian is as close as it gets for me.

6. What position would you play at Quidditch? Bludger without a doubt. My aim is no good and I’m not particularly fast but I have a heavy hand.

7. Pet? Scabbers or whatever that rat’s name was. It just figures my petwould be some evil little shit.

8. Which teacher is your favourite? Professor Trelawney for sure. She is a total dip, although she has a little power here and there. She cracks me up and the main characters have very little use for her. She is 90% comic relief.

9. What would your patronus be? Giant Mr. Snodgrass (plecostomos) I don't think anyone else has had a fish so mine would be super cool.



10. Which disgusting Bertie Bott's every flavoured bean would you be willing to try? I might try a meat flavored one just so I could see what it would taste like

11. Which Hogwarts room would you love to visit? The headmasters office, provided I get to use the pensive of course.

12. Favourite Harry Potter moment? The one at the end of book seven where...just kidding. I am going to go real classic and say when the letters flew into the cabin in book one.

The Wind songs are here and boy oh boy are they easy.

1. Catherine liked high places/ High up/ High up on the hills/ A place for making noises/ Like whales/ Noises like the whales. The Wind, PJ Harvey, Identified by Brooke.

2. After all the jacks are in their boxes/ And the clowns have all gone to bed/ You can hear happiness staggering on down the street/ Footprints dressed in red. The Wind Cries Mary, Jimi Hendrix. Identified by Johnny Yen.

3. In the chilly hours and minutes/ Of uncertainty/ I want to be/ In the warm hold/ Of your loving mind. Catch The Wind, Donovan. Identified by Mom.

4. How many roads must a man walk down/ before you call him a man/ How many seas must a white dove sail/ Before she sleeps in the sand. Blowin' In The Wind, Bob Dylan. Identified by Mom.

5. I listen to the wind/ To the wind of my soul/ Where I’ll end up well I think/ Only God really knows.

The songs from last week are as follows:
1. Down in the cellar in the Boho zone/ I went looking for some sweet inspiration/ Oh well, just another hard time and with Negro affectations. The Boho Dance. Joni Mitchell

2. I just wanna fuck bad bitches/ all them nights I never had bitches/ Now I’m all up in that ass bitches/ Mad at your boyfriend ain’t you. Fuck You, Dr. Dre

3. Well showing how it used to be/ So hard/ This hard /Used to get those kicks for free/ But now I’m towing the line. Multiply, Jamie Lidell

4. Oh we could rock/ Or we could bomb/ Or we could try/ Like super hard. Let’s Run, Le Tigre

MANIC 7

Manic Monday for today is 7. To check out other takes on the theme visit Mo

I was initially stumped as the topic has never before been anything other than a word. While seven obviously is a word, it is more so a number. I thought and thought about what 7 meant to me. The one thing I kept coming back to was Prince’s song “7” from the album lovingly referred to as symbol.

I have always loved this song. How can you not what with the awesome music and utter coolness that is Prince. When I saw him in concert back in 2004 he played the song during his acoustic set. I hadn’t really thought about the song being played that way but it worked so well. It was easily the highlight of the concert for me.

One of the things that gets me about this song is the many ways that it can be interpreted. There is the obvious Biblical imagery that harkens to the seven cycles of events in the Book of Revelations but Prince is never that simple. He then juxtaposes that interpretation with the idea that after defeating the 7 that we will come into an age of enlightenment full of education and peace. I haven’t read revelations for a while but I don’t think that is what is supposed to happen as all the good people are supposed to be gone and stuff. Then again, it has been a while since I read it.

I also have heard talk that the song refers to the 7 countries with nuclear capabilities (this is before North Korea became #8) and I kind of like that idea. With intellect and savoir-faire we can smite the possibility of global destruction. Sounds good, right? There are 7 Continents and I suppose if the label and separation of Continent was destroyed there could be a unifying global federation (like in all the future movies) and that could theoretically bring about an age of enlightenment. If we were no longer concerned about geographical divisions and had to work together as one world things would supposedly have to change. Of course there are many other 7s. Deadly sins, days of the week, wonders of the world, major world religions, dwarves; but I don’t think they make as much sense in the song. Maybe the deadly sins but I don’t know if Prince would be the one to talk about the downfall of lust. Maybe it’s just an awesome song that makes you want to dance.

Coincidentally, the single reached number 7 on the US Pop charts.

I was able to find a video of an acoustic version of the song from his 2004 tour (although it was from the Iowa show and not Mpls) for you all to enjoy. You can make your own conclusions of its meaning from that.



And now to reveal the songs from last week’s guessing game.

1. I think I’ll walk to the moon/ I don’t think I’ll be back soon/ I’ll take some water and time/ And I’ll be fine/ Yes, I’ll be fine. Walk To The Moon, Persephone’s Bees

3. Stop the bus/ I want to be lonely/ When seconds pass slowly and years go flying by/ You gotta stop the bus/ And get off here. Jackson Cannery, Ben Folds Five

4. Canyon girl/ ‘neath imaginary skies is beckoning/ in a fictional world/ I fear I got no business being in. Canyon Girl, Fruit Bats

5. Well I’m coming through your window/ I see your family there/ Well I’m the midnight creeper/ When I go creepin’ ya’ll better beware. Midnight Creeper, Eagles of Death Metal

That group of songs kind of makes me want to wear floods and small jackets. Maybe a rainbow belt and a polka dotted head band for extra coolness.

MANIC MONDAY- INDEPENDENCE

The Manic Monday topic for today is Independence. To check out the other Manic Monday participants go visit Mo.

When I think about independence I think about growing up. I think about setting out on your own and not needing the watchful hand of your parents as much as you once did. I think of being able to take care of yourself in a mature and healthy manner. Then I think about all the people who think they are independent and aren’t.

Many people would define independence as not having to rely on others. I think that is a little far-fetched. We all have to rely on some things other than ourselves to maintain a comfortable life in this world. Even the independently wealthy have to rely on their trusts and their stocks and the market to maintain their independence. To be 100% independent you would have to live on land you own, grow your own food, make cloth from your animals, and sew your own clothing. While that type of independence was once attainable, it just isn’t practical today.

I don’t think independence means only relying on yourself to make ends meet. That just isn’t the way our world is designed. Instead independence today has a lot to do with responsibility. It has a lot to do with “making it” and being well-organized. It doesn’t mean that you don’t ever need help. It just means that you can take care of yourself most of the time.

I remember many times when I thought I was independent but wasn’t. The most obvious example was my 18th birthday. I graduated from high school and turned 18 on the same day. I thought I was large and in charge. Despite the fact that I had been awake for 72 hours, my independent mind told me that I didn’t need a ride home after my all-night Sr. party. I was wrong and my car paid for it heavily. Then, when my parents and sister pulled away from my dorm I thought I had certainly arrived. I didn’t need anyone. Let’s ignore the fact that my housing, food, and education were being taken care of. Let’s ignore the fact that my grades Freshman year were less then ideal because I wasn’t forcing myself to focus as much as I should. I still thought I was in control. I did ok. But there were nights when I needed plenty of help.

Even after graduating and moving out on my own I don’t think I was truly independent. I needed a lot of help the first six months or so. I did ok. I eventually got a decent job and needed less and less help all the time. By the end of year one I could confidently say that I was independent. Looking back, I think I technically was. However, I wasn’t anywhere near where I am today.

I am now a master of balancing work and play. Maybe that is because as I have gotten older I don’t want to play as much as I used to. I like to think it is because I have grown up and know better. I am comfortable in knowing that, while my life might not be ideal it is still mine and that no one can change things for me. I have to do it myself. Sure, I know that if I fall on hard times people will be there to take care of me. I’ll always have my support network and I am more than grateful for that. I just like to know that it is relatively unlikely that I will need it. That, I think is the true meaning of independence.

Let’s guess that song!

1. Something’s on my mind/ It’s been for quite some time/ This time I’m on to you

2. Like the latest fashion/ Like a spreading disease/ Kids strappin’ on the way to the classroom/ Getting weapons with the greatest of ease. Come Out And Play, Smash, Offspring. Identified by Janeylynne

3. Now somewhere in the black mining hills of Dakota there lived a young boy named Rocky Racoon/ One day his woman ran off with another guy/ Hit young Rocky in the eye. Rocky Racoon, The White Album, The Beatles. Identified by Johnny Yen

4. Look at the sky turn a hellfire red/ Somebody’s house is burning/ Down down down down. House Burning Down, Electric Ladyland, Jimi Hendrix. Identified by Mom.

5. Deaf dumb and blind boy/ He’s in a quiet vibration land/ Strange as it seems his musical dreams/ Ain’t quite so bad. Amazing Journey, Tommy, The Who. Identified by Johnny Yen

It is quite possible someone could get this entire shuffle. If they do they are automatically admitted into the Cool Club.

MANIC MONDAY- HEAT

To see other interpretations of the theme check out Mo.

When I saw the Manic Monday word was Heat all sorts of things came to mind. The song, “The Heat is On,” by Glenn Frey was one that just wouldn’t leave me alone. Many years ago, in one of the many ice shows I was in, a group that I was not a part of skated to that song. Although I wasn’t part of that performance, I think my group was on shortly after them because the song was deeply embedded into my head. Ice shows gave such wonderful memories. Oh, ice shows.

However, that is my no means my favorite “heat” memory. That has to come from the wonderful musical Guys and Dolls. Scene is in the corner barber shop. Nicely Nicely and Benny Southstreet are waiting for their boss, Nathan Detroit, to come in and tell them where the floating crap game will be held. However, instead of Detroit showing up, Lt. Brannigan appears instead with a message for Nathan.

Brannigan- Tell Nathan Detroit that Brannigan says he is not going to find a spot for his crap game because Brannigan has turned on the heat and Brannigan is breathing down everybody's neck.
Brannigan exits through the revolving door, Nathan Detroit comes through it
Nicely Nicely- Nathan, you are lucky. You just missed Brannigan.
Detroit- I am lucky. I missed Brannigan.
Nicely Nicely -He left a message. He said...
Detroit- I am not going to find a place for my crap game because everybody knows Brannigan has turned on the heat and is breathing down everybody's neck.
Nicely Nicely- That is what he said.

I know this may not seem all that hilarious but it was a really funny scene. One of the things I love about Guys and Dolls is that they rarely use contractions. This piece isn’t the best example of that, but the rhythm that contractionless speaking gives to the characters creates a mood that I have never got from any other film. The extreme formality of the language coming out of the mouths of crazy hooligans is hysterical.

I think this scene was one of the first times I was acutely aware of the term heat being used in this manner. I like the word because it has so many connotations. One thing I realized while thinking of this post is that not many of the connotations are positive ones. Initially I thought it was because, while people like to be warm, most don’t like to be hot. However, warm doesn’t have many positive alternate connotations either. Huh, that’s strange.

It’s time for guess that song.
1. Once Again/ I’m in trouble with my only friend/ she is papering the window panes/ She is putting on a smile. Life In A Glass House, Radiohead. Identified by The Doc

2. I’m a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm/ I’m a runaway son of the nuclear a-bomb. Search and Destroy, The Stooges. Title by Kiyotoe, Band by Johnny Yen.

3. Well my name is Young MC and I’m cold rockin the house/ I came up into the place and now I’m turning it out

4. So/ So I wish you could tell/ Heaven from hell/ Blue skies from pain. Wish You Were Here, Pink Floyd. Identified by Jeff Roberts

5. Since age one/ Kita knew he had the answer/ And it was/ That someday he’s be a dancer. Show Me How To Do Like You, Stevie Wonder. Identified by Mom.

MANIC FRIEND

The Manic Monday word for today is “Friend”. To view other Manic Monday participants, visit Mo at It's a Blog Eat Blog World.

This is probably the easiest Manic Monday word to write about ever. Everyone has friends; I have a nice group of friends. I even have many friends that I lovingly refer to as Friend. However, there is only one person that I refer to as Friend when talking about her to others. Occasionally I refer to this person on this blog by her actual name, Brooke, but mostly I just write Friend.

I met Friend freshman year of college because my roommate went to high school with her roommate. My roommate was a fine person who I just didn’t really click with. We tried for a while but were relatively unsuccessful. She liked to be in bed at reasonable hours. I liked to stumble into the room at crazy hours and not always be as quiet as I intended to be. Friend’s roommate was simply a hell beast. She hated us. After Friend had a really bad day I left her a voicemail that went “hey you don’t really know me all that well but what happened was shitty and if you want to talk you can,” or something like that. We talked. We were insta-friends.

Friend and I had a lot of fun. Freshman year we played in leaf piles, communicated by telepathy, sat in the stairs of dorms that weren’t ours to watch people and sing songs, and hung out in the coffee shop where I pretended to like coffee. Sophomore year we made a few other friends, searched furiously for lost treats in the garbage hell that was under Friend’s bed, and sat under the prettiest tree in the world after class waiting for the other to show up. Junior year she was gone for a semester leaving me to do lots of work (and her TV so I didn’t have to do too much), then she came back and ruined my canopy (so did those few other friends). Senior year we lived in our own Hall of Heath, played busdriver with our few other friends, and lamented the loss of our youth. Putting together or senior page we could literally see how much we had changed but we were still Friends.

We were such friends that people on campus thought we were a couple. Not just one person thought this, but multiple people. We learned of this fact multiple times throughout our college years and were pretty disturbed by it. Just because we loved each other didn’t mean we LOVED each other. Then again the constant cuddling and giggling probably didn’t help matters.

Friend and I never had a class together. We were never roommates even though we should have been Freshman year second semester but her room scared me too much and I had a nervous breakdown about moving into it. Friend was cool with it, even though she had to continue to live with hell beast. She didn’t want to move into my room either, not that it stopped her from staying over plenty of nights curled up in my twin bed. It was all pretty silly. Maybe living together would have been too hard on our friendship, but I don’t think so.

Friend is the reason I am in Chicago. I moved in with her best friend and started a new chapter in life. We did briefly room together at Belmont apartment and even when Friend and her boyfriend jumped into bed with me to watch Fraggle Rock not knowing that I wasn’t wearing pants we weren’t traumatized. I just stayed under the covers and enjoyed their company. Friend moved back to NY where she is doing quite well but all the friends here miss her terribly. She is good good people and I am happy to call her Friend.

One song from last week to reveal and that is Sweet Sixteen, by Billy Idol. “I’ll do anything/ For my sweet sixteen/ And I’d do anything/ For little runaway child”

MAKING PEACE

The Manic Monday theme for today is peace. To see all participants head over to see Mo at "It's a Blog Eat Blog World".

Obviously peace in all the war-torn regions of the world would be a more obvious and probably more relevant topic than what I am thinking about but that just isn’t where my mind is going right now. Therefore, here is my self-centered post about peace.

Tomorrow I am going to be 28. While I knew that last year was officially my entrance into the late-twenties, I feel I could still fudge my way into mid-twenties if I really wanted to. No more. That is ok though, I have made my peace.

Over the past week I have done a lot of thinking about direction and goals, as my regular readers know I am prone to do. I thought a lot about where I planned to be at this time in my life and where I am now. I worked hard on reconciling the two in my head and, I can confidently say, I am ok. In order to really be ok I had to examine a few stages of development of Natalie. I needed to look at where I thought I would be at this point in my life and see how things have changed.

Natalie Age 6- By age 28 I will have graduated from Medical School and finished my residency and be a practicing pediatric neurosurgeon with years of work under my belt (my sense of time was a bit off). I will have the perfect marriage, like my parents, and have 10 kids. I will live in a huge house on Summit Ave in St. Paul. I will have published many articles and cured some unknown neurological condition. I also will have skated in the Olympics.

Natalie Age 13- By age 28 I will be a pediatrician. I will have written the great American novel and be working on my second opus. I will have the perfect marriage and live in a huge house, very likely on Summit Ave in St. Paul. I will have three children, two girls and a boy and they will be gorgeous beautiful renaissance children.

Natalie Age 20- By age 28 I will be finishing up my residency in psychiatry and getting ready to open a private practice. I will have the perfect marriage and live in a nice house. I will possibly have a child but if not I will be getting ready to have one in the next year or so. I will have published many articles and will be working on some major psychiatric research.

Natalie Age 27 (for one more day)- At 28 I am trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I am in a wonderful and loving relationship and am not married but am with someone who I want those things to happen with sometime in the next ten years. I am thinking about how to eventually save enough money to buy a condo, probably in Chicago. I am working a job that I enjoy most days and feel as if I am making a difference to some of my students. I am “working on” my first novel that is incredibly self-indulgent that I have been "working on" for the past year and a half and I might eventually finish it. I periodically think of submitting my children’s book for publication. I am an utterly confused relatively directionless person but I am happy. I am at peace with that.

1. I never meant to give you mushrooms girl/ I never meant to bring you to my world/ But now you’re sitting in the corner crying/ And now it’s my fault my fault. My Fault, Eminem. Identified by Brooke.

2. I’ll do anything/ For my sweet sixteen/ And I’d do anything/ For little runaway child

3. The sea is foaming like a bottle of beer/ The wave is coming but I ain’t got no fear/ I’m waxing down so that I’ll go real fast/ I’m waxing down because it’s really a blast. Surf Wax America, Weezer. Identified by Monica

4. Two-headed boy/ all floating in glass/ The sun it is passed now it’s blacker than black/ I can hear as you tap on your jar. Two Headed Boy, Neutral Milk Hotel. Identified by Monica

5. Look on yonder misty mountain/ See the young monk meditating rhododendron forest/ over dusty hills I ask you/ What it’s been like being you. Epistle to Dippy, Donovan. Identified by Monica

A GRAPHIC DREAM

The Manic Monday word for today is Graphic. To visit more Manic Monday participants check out Morgen at It's a Blog Eat Blog World.

I have never been one to talk about how the graphic nature of our TV, music, and video games contributes negatively to our society. I have always maintained that we are intelligent enough to know right from wrong and entertainment from recommended ways of life. However, after watching The Sopranos and playing Grand Theft Auto (two of the more graphic means of entertainment available today), I had a very graphic and disturbing dream.

I was, apparently, Meadow Soprano. While out for a walk I came across a large tuck full of something and was suddenly surrounded by my father’s brutes sporting seriously heavy artillery. I’m talking rocket launchers, automatic weapons of all shapes and sizes, and maybe even a chainsaw or two. They commenced to jack up said large truck and blew it to smithereens. The rocket launcher was very useful in that endeavor. The explosions and resulting fires summoned the police and poor Meadow (me) had to run because simply being there and being a Soprano would have been bad.

I ran and hid in tall grasses, more graphic violence was going on all around me as police and mafia tried desperately to take each other out. Blood and guts abounded. Then came the dogs, I like dogs but they are never good when it comes to my dreams. They chased me all over the high grasses until I was eventually taken in by a lady cop, who happened to be Sarah Silverman, talk about a graphic comic.

We became friends but it didn’t stop her from taking me to the slammer. I had to call Tony (my Tony not Tony Soprano) and tell him I wouldn’t be home for dinner because I was being taken to jail. I don’t think he believed me. He was pissed. All kinds of graphic language spewed from his mouth.

After being let out of jail my parents, sister, and Monica’s friend Angel who I have met half a time came to pick me up. I didn’t want to talk. We drove through the hills of Minneapolis by lake of the isles and saw Bernie (often known as Rastamanern) fixing up a condo for his blushing bride. Why Monica wasn’t there was beyond me.

The point is that I may have to reassess my opinion on the graphic content of media influencing our subconscious. Mine certainly was tampered with. However, it was an incredibly entertaining dream, graphic or not, and I certainly don’t plan to change my viewing habits.

It’s now time to guess that song.

1. Well I wake up in the morning there’s frogs inside my socks/ Your mama she’s hiding inside the ice box/ Your daddy walks in wearing a Napoleon Bonaparte mask. On The Road Again, Bob Dylan. Identified by Brooke.

2. Suzanne/ You’re all that I wanted of a girl/ You’re all that I need in the world. Suzanne, Weezer. Identified by Monica

3. Andy/ Would bicycle across town/ In the rain to bring you candy/ And John would buy the gown/ For you to wear to the prom/ With Tom/ The astronomer who’d name a star for you.

4. All the world over so easy to see/ People everywhere just want to be free/ Listen please listen that’s the way it should be. People Got To Be Free, The Rascals. Identified by Monica

5. Do you have a shirt that you really love/ One that you feel so groovy in/ You don’t even mind if it starts to fade/ That only makes it nicer still. I Love My Shirt, Donovan. Identified by Monica

MANIC GREEN

The Manic Monday word for today is Green. This word allowed me to combine Manic Monday with Foodie Friday. I am going to post one of Monica’s greens recipes, although I do things slightly different, because I like chewing garlic and onions and she doesn’t. She has another greens recipe that is reportedly better than this one and involves v8 instead of or in addition to vegetable stock but I haven’t made that one with her and would hate to mess it up.

While all my recipes are pretty lax on exact measurements, this one is going to be even more so. It’s all about doing things to taste and these greens taste delicious.

Monica’s Greens Recipe #1 (with modifications a la Natalie)

-1 sweet (Vidalia) onion chopped
-6 cloves garlic (whole)
-2-3 bunches of collard greens rinsed and torn
-2-3 cups spinach rinsed
-2 red tomatoes cut in wedges
-2 green tomatoes cut in wedges
-1 red bell pepper diced
-1 yellow bell pepper diced
-A bunch of vegetable sock like 4 cups or so
-Cumin- a whole lot
-Curry powder- a lot
-Cayenne Pepper- a good amount
-Garlic powder- a little (because the cloves will be very mild when done)
-Salt & Pepper- to taste
-Chili Powder- a little
-Mustard powder- a dash
-1tbsp olive oil
-Hot sauce- to your liking (a good amount)

-Put olive oil in a large pot and heat over medium
-Add onion and about half of the spices and sauté for 4 minutes
-Add peppers and sauté for 3 minutes
-Stir in tomatoes, greens, and spinach stir well
-Add vegetable stock and garlic cloves stir well
-Bring to a boil and then turn down to a simmer (this should make the garlic cloves nice and mushy so they break apart during stirring and give the whole dish a very mild garlic flavor)
-Give a taste and add the rest of the seasonings until delicious
-Let cook 20 minutes or so stirring occasionally
-Taste again and adjust seasonings if needed
Enjoy

Apparently, Joe Rogan is a funny stand up comic. I never would have guessed but Tony is watching him and is laughing. I almost always laugh at the same things as Tony. Like Joe Rogan calling Bin Laden a comic book villain because he is a billionaire and lives in a cave and every time he almost gets caught he mysteriously disappears. This is hilarious to me. I would not have expected it from Joe Rogan.

Time to out the unguessed songs of last week.

1. Love/ Used to be a stranger to me/ Love/ was so disappointing/ I was waiting for a sign/ I was looking for some company/ So I took a walk outside/ MMMM what a lucky day. There is no Greater Gold, Isobel Campbell.

4. I seen the end of the day come too soon/ Not a lot to say/ Not a lot to do. End of the Day, Beck.

WHO'S A SURVIVOR

After a long hiatus, I have returned to Manic Monday.

This post is full of twists and turns, I hope you can survive its non-linear incongruity.

Whenever I think of the word Survivor, I think of the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with “the survivors”. For those of you who have not seen it, here is a quick synopsis. Larry’s dad has a friend who is a Holocaust survivor. Larry is talking to a friend about how he has to have this survivor over for dinner. Larry’s friend mentions that he also knows a survivor so Larry suggests that he also come to dinner. Unfortunately, the friend’s “survivor” was not a Holocaust survivor. He was a cast member of the reality show Survivor. The two survivors get in an argument about who had the hardest time surviving. It was a hilarious episode.

Anyway my point is that survival is relative and that pain is also relative. That no matter how bad something may seem, from another perspective it could be looked at as an opportunity to learn something or to grow as a person. I’m not saying that the Holocaust falls into that category; that would be crazy talk. I’m just saying that anything is debatable. Every experience has two sides.

It seems like everyone I know is in the middle of something new. People are leaving jobs, moving, getting jobs, doing all kinds of fun and exciting things. I’m not doing anything. They are on one side of survival, the side that moves and changes. I am on the other side, the one that just trudges on aimlessly doing nothing but simply surviving. I almost would welcome a tragedy, something where I could dig in and get my hands dirty and make sure that I am alive, not just surviving.

Then again, what is so wrong with simple survival? Maybe there is nothing wrong with it. I am a happy person. I make people happy and ease their general survival. I have admitted to myself that I’m probably not going to make some enormous impact on our society as a whole. Why shouldn’t I just survive? What harm would it do? None, and it makes good blog ponderings. I suppose just by dealing with the ups and down of daily trails I am a survivor. Not a Survivor, but a survivor, and that might be okay with me.

1. I wanna reach out/ And touch the sky/ I wanna touch it/ But I don’t need to fly

2. Love/ Used to be a stranger to me/ Love/ was so disappointing/ I was waiting for a sign/ I was looking for some company/ So I took a walk outside/ MMMM what a lucky day

3. Through the warmest cord of care/ Your love was sent to me/ I’m not sure/ What to do with it/ or where to put it

4. Hey bra/ How ya doing man/ It’s been a while man life is so rad/ this band’s my favorite man don’t you love em/ Oh man you want a beer/ Oh man hell bra this is the best man I’m so glad we’re all back together and stuff/ this is great man/ Hey do you know about the party after the show/ Aw man it’s gonna be the best/ I’m so stoned/ take it easy bro. The Sweater Song, Weezer. Identified by Monica and Phil

5. I want to tell you/ My head is filled with things to say/ When you’re here/ All those words they seem to/ slip away. I Want To Tell You, The Beatles. Identified by Mom and Johnny Yen

A TAXING SITUATION

Welcome to this week's edition of Manic Monday. The word of the day is TAX. To view other Manic Monday participants check out Morgen at It's a Blog eat Blog World.

Having someone stay at your house is taxing. Even when you don’t deal with them very often it is taxing. Don’t get me wrong, if I was having some serious housing issues I would hope one of my friends would step up and let me crash for a while. However, I would realize that it wouldn’t be easy for them.

I have basically lived in my bedroom for the last five days. It isn’t that I don’t like our guest, he is a fine person, it’s just that someone being in the house is totally disruptive to our normal living arrangement. Tony and I like our privacy. We like things quiet and peaceful. We want to play our games and watch our movies and cooks meals and just relax. Our houseguest likes to listen to loud music, drink beer, and stay up late.

We like to do these things too, just not all the time. I don’t think our guest necessarily wants to do them all the time either, but that is what we always do when we hang out so it seems strange to do anything else. It is funny because there will be times when we won’t leave the bedroom for days anyway. However, because we have the option it isn’t a problem. Not that we don’t have the option to leave now. Only if we do, we have to talk to our guest.

I kind of feel we are being bad hosts. We spend a lot of time together while our guest hangs out in the living room and watches TV. Unfortunately, doing much else is too much of a tax on our comfortable living style. We can’t just sit around and watch TV in peace like we enjoy doing, we have to interact with our guest. He is a taxing person, we just can't do it. Our guest also likes to argue and isn’t always right, at all. So to avoid that mess we just stay sequestered away in our room, only emerging to handle little things here and there.

I think he is supposed to be out of our place on Friday. I really hope so. While I am handling it ok, I think Tony may lose his mind. He is having trouble sleeping while company is there and, therefore, is really tired during the day and half asleep when I get home. I think it is taxing his nerves. I just hope he can keep it together and get some rest. I can sleep through anything but he isn’t as lucky. Wish us luck.

1. I want to run/ I want to hide/ I want to tear down the walls/ That hold me inside. Jeff Roberts

2. And the moment will come/ When composure returns/ Put a face on the world/ Turn your back to the wall. Monica

3. Let me tell ya’ll what it’s like/ Being male middle class and white/ It’s a bitch if you don’t believe/ Listen up to my new Cd/ Shamon

4. She set your goldfish free/ And now she's sighing/ Blew out your pilot light/ And made a wish

5. Last night it was so good/ I felt like crying/ I felt crying/ Last night though you looked so cold/ I felt like smiling/ smiling while I'm dying

I TOTALLY SNAPPED

I was about to snap while thinking of a post using the word snap. Then it hit me. I have snapped, maybe this would be a good time to talk about that a little bit. The most recent total snap I had was at old roommate Eric. It was a snap for the ages. He had been on my nerves for ages and, one day, I lost it.

I was planning to take a shower and had got in my nice cozy green bathrobe and went to the bathroom. When I looked in the shower, there was a carpet of shaved hair of some sort all over the floor. CARPET people, no joke. I was already upset with Eric. He had done some bogus things, the least of which was to tape unknown men’s drawers on my bedroom door. He assumed they were Tony’s since he was over a lot and they were in the dryer. However, they were briefs and therefore not Tony’s. To this day I have no clue whose unknown drawers those were but they were someone’s and I did not appreciate them taped up on my door with an evil note to keep my mans underwear away from his laundry.

So I went and pounded on Eric’s door and asked that he clean up the bathroom so that I could take a shower. The argument of the century ensued. Now, to make sure everyone understands how hilarious some of this is remember that I am a 5ft tall person in a green bathrobe. Eric is an enormous over 6ft person, although I don’t remember what he was wearing. I am standing in his doorway so he can’t close the door (although he tried to slam it on me a few times) up in his face pointing screaming and all kinds of other things. Monica is sitting at the computer not sure if she should be terrified or laughing in hysterics. Tony is in my bedroom hoping I don’t get myself in too much trouble because he doesn’t want to have to come and protect me because Eric is huge and mean.

After a good half hour or so of yelling, slamming doors, swearing, etc. things are done. Nothing was resolved at all. I ended up washing the foul hair down the drain so that I could take a shower. I also ended up moving out before the lease was over (for a variety of reasons, none of which were Monica). I had been trying to deal with Eric for some time, but finally snapped. There was nothing to be done about it.

The unguessed songs are:

1. What happened to/ The world we knew/ When we were dreaming, scheming/ Whiling the time away. Yester Me, Yester You, Stevie Wonder.

2. Megan/ She don’t eat bacon/ She never killed a sweet innocent little piggy to get bacon. Megan the Vegan, Propagandhi.

BRANCHES OF GLORY

The first Manic Monday post I wrote was about Yellow. I mentioned fighting “inner” demons with my friend Brooke and people seemed somewhat interested in more of that story. The following is an attempt to explain and will chronicle the importance of branches, today’s Manic Monday topic, in our journey.

If you have ever been on the Sarah Lawrence College campus (which I am pretty sure that few people who read this blog have been except those that I know about) you know that it is a beautiful fairy land of charm and wonder. It is the perfect setting for imaginative, albeit crazy, minds to romp and play. It is also a place, as are all college campuses, full of people slowly but surely approaching adulthood. The things that swirl in such developing minds can be somewhat, strange.

Brooke and I never did well with the whole growing up thing, we’re a little more successful now but as 30 quickly approaches we’ll see how this toughness lasts. We had a lot of demons. They would follow us around and show up at seemingly normal times like taking the train to the city before spring break, or driving through the hills of Bronxville. We knew that these demons had something to do with our future success as people and that we would, at some point, have to confront them.

They were in full force one night while we were sitting in Marshall Field, the place on campus where the mystical always happens. Once I got trapped in a dark stairwell there but that is another story. Brooke and I were peacefully minding our own business under a tree when a car started slowly screeching past us. The car was scary. It swung around and started coming back the other direction. We knew it was time to run. Unfortunately, there were demons all throughout the field. Grasping on to one another we slowly made our way through the fray and came out unscathed on the other side. However, we knew that it wasn’t over.

One day in April after a heavy storm had ransacked campus blowing branches hither and yon, we decided it was time to face our demons and gain the upper hand. We were about to graduate and we knew we couldn’t leave before settling the score. We armed ourselves with the implements of warriors. The Dragons, a forked branch with two dragon heads made of leaves rested with Brooke. I had The Flag, a branch with leaves spread out like a fan, and a cute little bug that lived on it named Homey, our mascot of the day.

We took the dragons and the flag and went back to Marshall Field to show our demons that we weren’t afraid of the life that was to come (although we were terrified). We wanted to assert that we would be strong and protect ourselves from demons trying to keep us down. We had to be victorious. When we got back to Marshall Field, the scene of the initial onslaught, we found it to be incredibly peaceful and still. We looked everywhere for the demons but they wouldn’t appear. Our strong willed determination had been enough to stop them from rearing up and trying to take us down. They knew that we could not help be victorious and chose to stay home. We walked around the would-be-battlefield, knowing we had won but not quite believing it. Then we saw them. Two huge branches had been ripped from the trees in the storm. One was about 5ft long, twisted, gnarled, and came to a fine point. There were no branches coming off of it. It was the Demon Stick, dark and evil, and all that remained of our foes. Then, there was what could only be described as a larger version of our flag, About 6ft high and 4ft wide, a huge part of a tree had been blown off. It was full of leaves and life. It was a perfect juxtaposition to the Demon Stick. These two branches symbolized the good and the evil we would face and we hoisted them up in victory and began to carry them back to our dorm on the other side of campus.

Triumphantly, we set our new flag and the demon stick up against the window of our first floor common room, much to the shock of the people inside. The Flag stood up in the center of the window and the Demon Stick lay across it diagonally forming some kind of sick and twisted coat of arms. We stepped back and looked at them with pride. We were jubilant because we felt we could take on anything at that point. We couldn’t wait until the next morning to take a picture of our spoils.

Unfortunately, the groundskeepers took our Flag and Demon Stick away long before we woke up in the morning and they were lost. We only have the memory of these spoils of war against the dark side. At least we know that nothing can touch us know, for we have conquered our demons. The branches of light and dark carried us through.

This is “Guess That Song” week. Let’s see what our first five will be

1. What happened to/ The world we knew/ When we were dreaming, scheming/ Whiling the time away.

2. Megan/ She don’t eat bacon/ She never killed a sweet innocent little piggy to get bacon.

3. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know/ Sometimes I feel like checking out/ I wanna get it wrong. Ultraviolet (more commonly known as Light My Way) by U2. Identified by Jaclyn

4. Anthony walked to his death because he thought he’d never feel this way again/ If he goes back to the house then things would go from bad to worse/ What could he do? If You're Feeling Sinister, Belle and Sebastian. Identified by Monica

5. When I see you sky as a kite/ As high as I might I can’t get that high. High, The Cure. Identified by Brooke and Monica

MAO SPRINGS ETERNAL

Manic Monday for today is Spring. After a wonderful weekend of watching coverage of the 2007 Figure Skating World Championships the only thing I can think of when it comes to spring are the jumps of Mao Asada. Be damned 78degree weather. Your spring is nothing like that of this young lady from Japan!

When I was skating I had some height to my jumps but nothing even thinking about coming close to the spring in this girls step. The way she vaults of her toe pick for flips, toe-loops, and lutzes is outstanding. She also gets amazing spring from her knee-bend on edge jumps suck as the loop and the axel (although I am pretty sure she didn’t do a salchow). Sure, she wasn’t perfect but at 16 who is? It was too bad she missed her combination in the short program because it cost her the title. Then again, she is 16 so she’ll have plenty of chances to be on top.

Speaking of the Worlds, remember how I said that US Figure Skating was on its way out? Well at the 2007 Championships the US took home only one medal, the bronze in Ice Dance. Since when did Ice Dance become the strongest event for US Skating? Super strange. I was also right that Japan is becoming a serious force to be reckoned with in singles skating. Pairs and Dance, not so much. Props to the brother from Germany who took home a bronze medal in Pairs. I always love to see black folks skating. It’s rare and exciting.

I leave you with the wonderful Spring of Mao. Enjoy.

Oh, and the unguessed songs from last week are

1. It’s raining/ It’s raining/ There’s nothing you can do/ It doesn’t only rain on you/ But you’re acting all upset/ like you’re the only one that’s wet. It's Raining, by Quasi

2. On the corner/ We talk away/ Everybody's older these days/ I'll just hit the reset button on this game. Glass Conversation, by The Pony's

CHIPPING AWAY AT REALITY

As you avid readers know I have be reading a book on the nature of memory. Today’s Manic Monday topic, chip, fit well into my ponderings on the subject. When asked what shapes a person, many will reflect back on their past experiences. In order to really know what we are like as humans we must remember things we have seen, done, or understood. In this way, it can be said that we are made up of our memories. If we can’t remember, we are doomed to suffer an incomplete notion of ourselves.

This led me to think of time and how, as time passes, parts of our memories are chipped away. I don’t think that our brains have a limited capacity for memory. I believe that as new memories are introduced it interferes with our previous engrams (the memory linkages encoded within the brain) and these new experiences act as chisels, slowly chipping out and disrupting linkages and connections so that, while the memory remains, our ability to retrieve it is shattered.

I look at our memories as a complex sculpture. Try to imagine the face of a childhood friend who moved away and you lost touch with. Maybe you can see their hair, or their eyes, but their nose has been chipped into an idealized version of what truly was. Roxanne reminded me that she was at the Tori Amos concert I attended while in college. She had been chipped out of my memory by the fact that I only remembered that the college friends were there. Since I knew it happened in college it would logically follow that the people I always was with were the people that would have been in attendance. I was wrong. What was interesting was that Roxanne remembered Jenna being there as well. I could be wrong, but I think I drove to the concert and Roxanne and Jenna visited together during my Freshman year when I wasn’t allowed to have a car on campus. Roxanne drove out with me in, I believe, my Junior year so Jenna couldn’t have been with us. Tori played songs from “To Venus and Back Again” so that solidified the fact that it had to have been a later date then when Jenna was there.

The point is that we all remember events differently. Time chips away at the truth and we may or may not even be aware of it happening. We put our past together by filling in the gaps with reference information and create a world that we believe to be true. In all honesty, how can we ever know what fragments have been lost and what has been constructed to take their place? We can ask people who were there with us, but what has been chipped from their consciousness? What can we decipher as truth? What can we really rely on if we can’t rely on ourselves to tell us what has been?

It seems that we must be content to rely on fragments. Maybe while looking at the crumbs left from chipped memories scattered around our consciousness we will be able to reconstruct some of the lost truth. Maybe we have to understand that we are more than what we can recall. What has, in some instances been chipped away will remain hidden in other recesses of the mind waiting to be glued back to the event it was lost from and bring us closer to understanding what it really is that we are made of.

Now it is time to see if we can remember songs after seeing their first lyrics. Studies show that recollection is much easier after prompting.

1. Oh I'd rather go and journey where the diamond crest is flowing/ and run across the valley beneath the sacred mountain. Wasn't Born To Follow, The Byrds. Identified by Johnny Yen and kind of sort of by Monica but I'll give her credit cause I love her.

2. Try to see it my way/ Do I have to keep on talking till I can’t go on. We Can Work It Out, The Beatles. Identified by Jaclyn and Johnny Yen

3. I took my baby on a Saturday bang/ Boy is that girl with you/Yes were one and the same. Black or White, Michael Jackson. Identified by Sanni

4. This microphone explodes/ shattering the molds/ Either drop the hits like de la o/ or get the fuck off the commode. Bulls On Parade, Rage Against The Machine. Identified by Sanni

5. All the modern things/ like cars and such/ have always existed. The Modern Things, Bjork. Identified by Danielle

CLICK YOUR HEELS THREE TIMES

Today's Manic Monday theme is click.

I need things to CLICK.

Something about clicking noises has always been a comfort to me. In particular, I love the sound of heels clicking on the ground. As a young child, I always loved to hear women walking (men click too but it isn't as satisfying). The clicking of their heels let me know that they were going somewhere, that they had something to do. A rapid click let me know that this was a woman on a mission; they had a meeting to go to or someone important to see. I always wanted to see what it was that they were doing and who it was that they were going to see. A slow, steady click let me know that the woman was relaxed. This was a person who was simply enjoying their surroundings and taking in life.

I couldn’t wait until I had shoes that clicked. I remember having some black patent leather Mary Janes that made a little noise but they weren’t really satisfying. They clicked, but I wanted them to CLICK. I didn’t think my footsteps conveyed the same oomph as that of adults. I thought the biggest problem was that I didn’t have heels. I couldn’t wait to have some of my very own. Sophomore year of high school, I had a few rather unfortunate pairs of heels. One was a pair of sketchers with a heel. Yes, I had a heeled sneaker and I didn’t see anything wrong with it (at the time). However, being a rubber heel, they didn’t do much clicking. The other was a pair of brown oxfords with a heel. I don’t have to say anything else about that. Give me a break, people always told me they were cute shoes. I didn’t know better.

I think it was Sr. Year that I really got my first pair of heels that I could be proud of. They were a pair of Steve Madden sandals that laced up the front and had a good two and a half inch heel. I thought they were super high. Those that know me will scoff at my thinking those shoes were towering but hey, I was just starting out. I loved those shoes. I loved the way they clicked through the halls and down the streets. I loved people being able to hear me coming, to know that I was on my way. I had arrived.

Over time it has become less important to me. Most of the time I wear heels is at work, and we have carpet. I don’t get to hear my clicks as often as I would like. Sometimes, when I decide to go out, I put on a pair of heels and I click down the street. Sometimes, I still get excited about it. It’s rare though, and nothing will compare to that first CLICK of my heels.

The only unguessed song from last week was number one “Just as volcanoes erupt/Sometime human beings explode in your face” It was You Are Not The Target by Impossible Shapes. I was just listening to this song this morning. It made me smile. I hate when human beings explode in your face. Sometimes you deserve it, but not usually.

CAUTION, THIS POST MAY BLOW

The Manic Monday theme for this week is Blow. I’ll admit that I had a hard time thinking of a post for this one. Last week it was Yellow. That was easy. One thing popped into my mind and I was ready to go. Unfortunately, it was none too simple for this one. Blow conjures up so much in my mind that all the thoughts were just blowing around in my brain and I was unable to catch any of them. There was Johnny Depp in the movie Blow, there was the ever present Donovan blowing in the wind, there were all sorts of dirty things that just don’t belong on this, relatively modest blog. I was afraid that my post would blow.

I thought about blowing off the entire project. Then again I realized that I never challenged myself with my writings. Sometimes certain events or topics that have recently blown my mind end up in my ramblings but I never give myself writing exercises or anything like that. I have never taken a writing class so I have never really been told to write about something and try to come up with something good. Essays don’t count. I thought this was something challenging and exciting for me, it is.

While I don’t think this post will have readers blowing up my comments section, I feel a strong sense of accomplishment in actually finishing a semi-coherent post about the word blow. Thanks Mo for giving me the chance to experiment with my writing in a way that I never would have. It keeps me working hard. Not that I am trying to blow smoke up your ass or anything. But thanks.

CSL tagged me with an iPod Meme. How could I possibly resist this? I am going to try and review the 25 most played songs in the darn contraption. Since I listen to things on shuffle a lot, I wonder how this will pan out. Hum, not too interesting. It was basically two entire albums, "Lets Get Out of This Country" by Camera Obscura and "The Sunlandic Twins" by Of Montreal. There were a few Belle and Sebastian songs thrown in there. I have been listening to those albums quite a bit lately. I have to think of some other way to handle this Meme. I’ll go to my recently played and pick songs that weren’t on a full album that I listened to. I also included my favorite line from the song to make things more fun.

1. Tim I Wish You Were Born a Girl, Of Montreal, Cherry Peel- “I’m not saying you can’t be all these things for me but it’s just not the same cause you’re a man, and so am I”

2. 2HB, Venus in Furs, Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack- “Take two people romancing, smokey night club situation, your cigarette traces a ladder”

3. Omega Supreme, Danger Mouse and Jemini, 26inch EP- "Sometimes I get sperm in my eye cause I be on my own dick”

5. High and Dry, Radiohead, The Bends- “All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love”

6. Heaven On Their Minds, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Jesus Christ Superstar- “Please remember that I want us to live, but it’s sad to see our chances weakening with every hour”

7. My Wandering Days are Over, Belle and Sebastian, Tigermilk- “A spooky witch in a sexy dress has been bugging me”

8. No Rain- Blind Melon, I have no idea what album- “Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today. So stay with me and I'll have it made”

9. Enjoy The Silence, Depeche Mode, Violator- “Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm”

10. Feel Good Inc, Gorillaz, Demon Days- “A melancholy town where we never smile.”

11. She Loves You No Less, My Bloody Valentine, Ecstasy and Wine- “She loves you no less but do you really care”

12. Dumb, Nirvana, In Utero- “We’ll float around, hang out on clouds. Then we’ll come down and have a hangover”

13. Oslo In The Summertime, Of Montreal, The Sunlandic Twins(this was on the list a few times...)- “I practice my Norwegian on poor befuddled waitresses who shake their heads completely at a loss”

14. Mother, Pink Floyd, The Wall- “Mommas gonna make all of your nightmares come true”

15. Pets, Porno for Pyros, I don’t know the album- “Maybe Martians could do better than we’ve done”

16. Wandering Star, Portishead, Dummy- “Please could you stay a while to share my grief, for it’s such a lovely day”

17. Thieves in the Temple, Prince, Graffiti Bridge- “I can hang when you’re around but I’ll surely die if you’re not there”

18. Breaking The Girl, Red Hot HCili Peppers, Blood Sugar Sex Magic- “I don’t know what, when, or why. The twilight of love had arrived”

19. Game Over, Scarface, some album- “Lord please murder my enemies, burn em at a thousand degrees”

20. They’ll Need a Crane, They Might Be Giants, John Henry?- Love sees loves’ happiness but happiness can see that love is sad

21.Tear in Your Hand, Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes- “I don’t believe you’re leaving cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream”

22.What’s Up, 4 Non Blondes, Bigger Better Faster More- “And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed just to get it all out what’s in my head”

23. Father Figure, George Michael, I don’t know what album- “But sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime”

24. Cradle Of Love, Billy Idol, Rebel Yell- “Shakes the devil when he misbehaves”

25. I Wish, Skee-lo, I don’t know what album- “And when I'm in my car I'm laid back.I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat but that's flat”

MANIC MONDAY- YELLOW

I am finally getting around to writing a post for Manic Monday. This week’s topic is Yellow. When I heard the topic many songs came to mind that I will talk about in my daily song segment following the post. The first thing that came to mind, however, was not a song. It was a movie that I believe is from Sweden, “I am Curious (Yellow),” This movie was about a young woman who wanted to learn about life. She looked up all kinds of information, experimented sexually, and got into political activism. It was a fine film but not something I planned to watch often. Friend bought the movie Sr. year of college for some reason I can’t remember. Maybe it was because we thought the title was really funny? One thing I do remember is that “I am Curious (Yellow)” was in black and white and I really had no idea where the yellow came from.

This movie was later traded to another friend, along with a candle holder/candle set, so that Friend and I could go settle the score with our “inner” demons, something we had been planning to do since being accosted by them earlier in the year. We armed ourselves with a flag and some dragons and set off to meet the demons head on. Although we didn’t find them, we found signs that let us know that the demons were gone for good and weren’t going to mess with us any longer and carted them back to the dorm. It was a very emotional and very good day. Unfortunately, the school groundskeepers took away our signs the next morning before we could take a picture. Too bad. I’ll always remember the day fondly. None of it would have been possible without “I am Curious (yellow)”. Actually, we would have most likely just traded something else.

Mellow Yellow, Donovan- Donovan has been the backdrop for much of my adult life. His music really speaks to me. This is particularly strange because all I have is one greatest hits album and Barabajagal which I probably spelled very wrong. Even so, those 20 or so songs mean a lot to me. Even my theme song is Donovan. He always makes me smile and bop around like a happy person, even when I’m sad.

Yellow Submarine, The Beatles- While this song is incredibly happy it does conjure up thoughts of Blue Meanies, which do not make me happy at all. It also makes me thing of my Yellow Submarine shirt that I traded some other shirt to my sister to get and am very happy that I did. All in all, I get pretty good vibes from that shirt, even though I cant really wear it in public anymore because it is relatively jacked up.

I’d Be A Yellow Feathered Loon, Of Montreal- this song is simply adorable. It’s all about falling and being in love. Or something like that. Like the others, it makes me smile. Maybe yellow in songs makes me smile in general. However, yellow on clothes does not make me smile because it makes me look jaundiced.