BLOGGING ABOUT BLOGGING

So I haven’t had much to blog about in a little while and that is pretty okay with me. I just haven’t been felling it. I just decided that when something came to me I would write about it and when nothing did I wouldn’t force it. Plus, it’s the summer and while that should mean that I have tons to say about all the hot ass messes in Chicago that think they are doing something cute when they walk out of the house in the morning it doesn’t. Maybe I would have people to comment on if I carried a camera with me all the time, or maybe if I had a USB cable so I could plug my camera into a computer…maybe.

My sister has started to beat me at wordtwist. I find this slightly depressing. I think I may have to step up my game, maybe try to type properly for once or practice a ton. I don’t like my sister to beat me at things. I don’t care if my friends do but they aren’t my sister. Actually, I am just glad that I have another challenging person to play with. It would be better if I won more than I have been though.

Anyway, the thing that got me thinking I needed to blog was my blog. I opened my email this morning and got a comment from someone named Stephen saying I blogged about him and I was pretty confused because I don’t know anyone named Stephen. Then, I went to the post and it was the one about that VH1 show “The Pickup Artist” and Stephen was the guy Spoon that I thought was pretty awesome and was sad to see leave the show cause he was a pretty chill dude. This also means that he was googling himself, which shows me that he is a very normal guy. He also has the prettiest dog ever. Monica, go to his myspace page and look at his dog. It will make you die. Tony wondered that if Spoon invited me to be his myspace friend that he was maybe going to try his Pickup Artist skills on me. I kind of doubt it...dude has hella myspace friends.

That is all. I will reveal songs. I have no idea how long they have been there but I suppose it is long enough. Crap, I can’t find my list. I’ll do my best.

1. She feels like/ A stranger has come in the night/ And stolen her life/ And left her with this. Something I’m too tired to look up by Man Man.

2. Looking at the devil/ Grinning at his gun/ Fingers start shaking/ I begin to run. Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself, Sly and the Family stone

3. Oh so long/ For this night I’ve prayed/ That a star/ Would guide you my way/ To share with/ Me this special day. Ribbons in the Sky, Stevie Wonder

4. I love the time and in between/ The calm inside me/ In the space where I can breathe/ I believe there is a distance I have wandered to touch upon the years of/ Reaching out and reaching in. Something off Fumbling Towards Ecstasy by Sarah McLaughlin.

MY SUBCONSCIOUS THINKS I'M CHILDISH

I went to the optometrist this morning. My prescription has changed a tiny bit but my eyes are not the source of my lightheadedness. I’m calling my Dr. back tomorrow. Today my pupils are dilated and it has enhanced my feeling funny. What fun. I did get really nifty glasses though. they have sparkles on them that you can kind of see in the side view.

So the other night I had this dream that Monica, Patrick (who is Monica’s friend and I have never met but have seen pictures of), and I were playing on this playground after winning some crazy boat race or something. That part of the dream is a little fuzzy. Patrick in the dream didn’t look like Patrick in real life; he looked more like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, which is very funny because it is almost the exact opposite of real Patrick. Anyway we had this tent thing that we draped over a round climby thing on the playground and were playing fort. Fort rules.

So we are in our fort having an awesome time when this little kid comes in. The kid’s dad is standing on the sidelines of the playground watching. The kid looks up at us and asks how old we are. I say 28, Monica says 29, and Patrick says 30 (I have no idea how old he really is). The kid looks at us and says, “Oh, that’s old. I’m 4. What are you doing in this fort?” We just looked at the kid and then at each other and packed up in shame. Then some other strange dream type stuff happened that I don’t remember. I think that the remembered part was the important part though.

The thing was my dream kind of hurt my feelings. I mean sure, I like to play around but I think my friends and I are fine examples of people in their late 20s. We have jobs, we pay rent, we function as adults, and we are generally accepted to be grown type folks. So what if we like forts? Who doesn’t? Just cause we don’t have kids of our own to play fort with doesn’t mean we should be shut out from playing. Play is important. Anyway, I’m mad at my dream.

1. Identity/ Identity is the crisis you can’t see/ Identity/ Identity

2. Did I/ See a moment/ With you/ In a half-lit world

3. Ghost, ghost I know you live within me/ Feel as you fly/ In thunderclouds above the city/ Into one that I

4. I’m tired of wasting gas living above the planet/ Mister show me the way to earth/ The boys from quadrant 44 with their vicious metal hounds don’t come round here no more.

5. Downtown/ We’ll drown/ We’re in our never splendor/ Flowers/ Showers/ Who’s got the new boy gender

IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING

Well I am back in the land of the living and still have no idea why I was out. I can’t say I feel 100% because I would be lying but I have made it through half of a workday and I am pretty sure that I will make it through the rest just fine. If I am still feeling off in the head by mid-week I’m calling the dr. again.

Needless to say things have been pretty uneventful since my last post. My bloodwork was perfect. I guess that is good to know but since I felt imperfect I was kind of hoping for some validation and tangible illness. I did run a fever on Friday, which was my first measurable symptom and I was very excited about that. I watched a bunch of movies, many of which helped to confirm that I was not feeling well. Can I just say how much I LOVED The Gameplan! Yes, that is the movie where The Rock is a football player and his unknown daughter appears on his doorstep. Man did it ever make me cry. Then again, every movie makes me cry. I can’t really remember the last movie I watched that didn’t get me a little choked up.

I did manage to go to the grocery store on Sunday and made a delicious fruit salad. Even though it isn’t Friday I feel like sharing food stuffs cause it’s all I got.

• 1 container strawberries, halved (obviously Monica was not coming over)
• 1 container blueberries
• 2 pluots chopped
• 2 nectarines chopped
• 3 kiwi chopped
• 2 banana chopped

It would have been great just like that but during my time confined to my bed I saw this lady, whose name I never remember but she is the Healthy eating lady with short dark hair and blue eyes, make the best looking fruit salad dressing ever so I had to have a fruit salad. I now want to put this dressing on everything because I haven’t had anything so yummy in a long time

• 2 tbsp honey
• Zest of one lime
• Juice of one lime

Stir and put on EVERYTHING
Awesome

1. Identity/ Identity is the crisis you can’t see/ Identity/ Identity

2. Did I/ See a moment/ With you/ In a half-lit world

3. Ghost, ghost I know you live within me/ Feel as you fly/ In thunderclouds above the city/ Into one that I

4. I’m tired of wasting gas living above the planet/ Mister show me the way to earth/ The boys from quadrant 44 with their vicious metal hounds don’t come round here no more.

5. Downtown/ We’ll drown/ We’re in our never splendor/ Flowers/ Showers/ Whose got the new boy gender

NOT DEAD YET

My dizziness is slowly dissipating. I went to the Dr yesterday and she was utterly perplexed by my symptoms. My neurological processes seemed fine so I probably don't have a tumor and didn't suffer a stroke. My blood sugar was a little low but not low enough to cause the symptoms. I'm waiting on the results of my other bloodwork. I feel better but not normal. I hope I will feel normal tomorrow because I have my first one-on-one financial advising session with a student. I am excited about it and want to do it well. As my iPod is in the other room I won't be getting up and putting new songs on because sitting up all day is my mission, walking...not so much.

WHAT IS UP WITH MY HEAD?

I feel very strange. I don’t know what is wrong with me but I think something is. I am not one for hypochondria but I just can’t explain what I have going on here. I feel like I am on some kind of mild hallucinogen or something. All of a sudden my head got really light and things just kept turning slightly to the right in an upward direction. I don’t know why but every time I try to look at something stationary it won’t keep still. It is even going on when my eyes were closed. I thought maybe I was just hungry so I ate my lunch. I am still feeling crazy. The only thing I ate today that I don’t eat all the time was a life savers mint. I highly doubt it was laced with anything. I really don’t know what to do but I think functioning like this will be very difficult. I am on my lunch break now and am hoping that it will just stop as suddenly as it started. What the heck! Maybe I am dying.

1. Jenny said that when she was just five years old. There was nothing happening at all/ Every time she puts on the radio/ There was nothing going down at all. Rock and Roll, Velvet Underground. Identified by Jamie.

2. Identity/ Identity is the crisis you can’t see/ Identity/ Identity

3. Finished with my woman cause she couldn’t help me with my life/ people think I’m insane because I am browning all the time. Paranoid, Black Sabbath. Identified by Jason.

4. When I wake up early in the morning/ Lift my head/ I’m still yawning. I'm Only Sleeping. The Beatles. Identified by Jamie

5. Did I/ See a moment/ With you/ In a half-lit world

A BALD ASSHOLE IN MY BRAIN

Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes. I am incredibly excited. I have now started to get very nervous as well. It’s a good nervous, an exciting motivating nervous, but nervous all the same. The main reason I was looking for a new job was to do something new. I was no longer being challenged. However, it is nice to be someone who can answer questions about virtually every aspect of what goes on at work. It is nice to have someone come to you with a question and you not have to look anything up before you can quote numbers and statistics. It is nice to know you are really good at your job.

I have no doubt that I will become really good at my new job. I also know that it would be insane not to expect a lengthy period of adjustment. One of the nice things about when I am starting is that the students won’t be at school. I’ll have time until mid Jan before they return to get used to how everything works. I amso happy about that. It helps a lot. It certainly doesn’t erase the nerves though.

Last night I dreamt I was Larry David. If you know who that is, you will get a sense of how incredibly nervous I actually am. That man makes Woody Allen look relaxed and sane. Not only was I Larry David but I was Larry David lost in an enormous hotel that seemed to resemble parts of a temple in Ninja Gaiden Sigma. I haven’t even played that game in weeks since I bested the horrible Queen Fiend. Talk about a stressful battle. She was one of the most difficult bosses that I have ever faced in the history of gaming.

Once I became myself again in dreamland, I found myself taking train after train after train and getting delayed and lost in order to get someplace that I really could have walked to. Why I didn’t walk I have no idea because I usually prefer to walk short distances unless it is incredibly cold outside but it was not cold in my dream. It was a little cold after I woke up though so maybe it does make sense.

I know that everything will work out just fine. In a way I am actually glad to get out of my comfort zone. I know it is only natural to feel this way when starting something new. I just hope that my dreams will start to calm down because if they stay at this level of anxiety I will be a sick sick person in a number of weeks. I need to find something to keep me nice and relaxed for until I get started. Any suggestions?

1. I know/ I can’t find you/ I go/ sit beside you. I Know, The Best Band

2. We love to boogie/ we love to boogie/ Jitterbug boogie/ High school boogie/ we love to boogie/ On a Saturday night. We Love To Boogie, T-Rex (not I Love the nightlife (Disco Round) by Alicia Bridges although it could easily be mistaken for it)

4. Seven am so it begins again/ One zip favoring familiar silhouettes/ Left whips and chains/ Behind I’m boycotting trends it’s my new look this season. Girl Disappearing, Tori Amos

5. You see this kind if chick in every town/ whenever there’s a scene she’ always hanging around/ she’s so naive and innocent/ stares at you with awe/ she’s only 14 but she knows how to draw. Superlungs my Supergirl, Donovan.

10 SNOGGABLE FICTIONAL MALES

Cassandra, Customized Training Assistant, seems to be doing well. Today we played find the files. It was not an easy game. Before we moved offices things were exactly where I expected them to be. Now, not only do I not know where files are, no one seems to know. As we have an audit coming up relatively soon and are missing a few (and I mean very few) files, this could prove to be a problem. We have some good people trying to help locate them though so it should all be ok. The Volunteer Coordinator resigned after her first day. I am really pissed. Anyway.

Blog Antagonist had this really interesting meme up a while ago about 10 literary characters that you would want to make out with. Being quite a reader, I thought that I would have no problems with this whatsoever. I actually found it to be quite hard. I could only come up with four (and that was a challenge only two were easy) so I really take no responsibility for anyone five and after. I had to push the envelope a little bit. You are all probably going to now find me a very odd individual. See, here is the thing. Most of the books I love aren’t teeming with positive male characters that I would want to make out with. In fact, many of the books that I love have pretty horrible men in them. I like books about bad people. Oh well.

1. Valentine Michael Smith, Stranger in a Strange Land
Ah, the man from Mars, a genuinely honest person who loved humanity more than anything in the universe. It was written that when he kissed or made love he was able to focus only on the person that he was with. His mind was empty of everything except experiencing that moment. It was said to be quite nice. It sounds quite nice. He understood people but didn’t understand the world in which they lived. He tried things his own way and changed people for the better. That is why he had to be my number one.

2. Howard Roark, The Fountainhead
Roark was actually the first person that I thought of but he was soon eclipsed by Mike. There is something incredibly sexy about someone who is incredibly passionate and rigid in their convictions even if those convictions sometimes make you an asshole. Roark was a sick fucker but I loved him and wish more people felt as passionately about their work as he did. Well, maybe not that passionate, but close.

3. Paul Mua’dib, Dune
Paul had powers. Really cool powers that let him lead people and guide a society. I’m not so sure I want to make out with Paul from the latter books because, if I recall correctly, he went a little bonkers but in this book he was an inspiration. He was a hero and he loved with all his heart. Wait, wasn’t he 15? Oops, I promise that I literally just remembered that while I was writing. Damn. Take my list down to three legitimate entries.

4. Switters, Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates.
Switters is a nutjob. He is a walking talking contradiction but he loves life and he loves women. He’s a real Indiana Jones type of guy who is appropriately reverent of other cultures. Yet, he still questions the validity of most social constructs. Plus, if he could get a nun to sleep with him he had to be offering something pretty good.

5. Pan, Jitterbug Perfume
Yes, I realize that Pan is a half-man half-goat. As you can see my list has gotten quite wonky. Pan loved the ladies and the ladies loved Pan. Sure, he smelled like a goat in heat all the time but that’s what the perfume was all about.

6. Hazel, Watership Down
Hazel is a rabbit. That is even sillier than a half-man half-goat. It doesn’t even make sense. However, if Hazel was a person, he would be right up there after Roark. Hazel was the best person a rabbit could be. He led his flock to a new home where they would be safe and thrive. He orchestrated a plan to liberate does from the clutches of an evil tyrant. He was incredibly smart and knew how to harness the strengths of those around him. He was a true leader because he knew when to follow.

7. Azlan, The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe
Sure, Azlan is a lion and an allegory for Jesus. I’m not trying to say I want to make out with Jesus or a lion. Azlan is just freaking cool. He is magic, just, wise, and brave. He would sacrifice himself for the betterment of the world and has no problem taking a kid for a ride on his back. Azlan would make a good dad.

8. Severus Snape, Harry Potter
Yeah, the man was not the most attractive. Granted, he was an evil wizard. However, his love for a woman was stronger than his loyalty to domination and control. To make it even more impressive it was a love that was unrequited. If he could feel that strongly about a woman who didn’t even love him back he was obviously a man with a lot to offer. Or else he was a total sicko. It really could go either way.

9. Winston Smith, 1984
What could possibly be kissable about a man who would turn his one true love over to a horrible oppressive government to save himself you may ask? Well here it is; Winston Smith tried. He really really tried. For a while he even succeeded. Sometimes society will crush someone and they just aren’t strong enough to resist. Winston Smith was just a regular guy and he couldn’t beat the system but I would give him a kiss for trying.

10. Smog, The Hobbit
Smog was evil. Smog had scales. Smog was a greedy money hungry killer. He was not a nice guy. However, Smog was really into himself and sometimes a rich stuck up guy can have something inexplicable going for him. He's like a dragon Bateman. I was really grasping at straws by this point people. Give me a break.

2. I prayed to/ Heaven today/ Bring its hammer down on me/ And pound you out of my head/ I can’t think with you in there. Missing, Beck

3. I spend the afternoon in cars/ I sit in traffic jams for hours/ Don’t push me I am not ok. Jumpers, Sleater Kinney

5. So they say I was sometimes cruel/ I don’t know if I would say that too/ Oh I/ I don’t know about that. Sixteen, Le Tigre

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE FOR A NORMAL DAY

The saga at work continues. I felt significantly better this morning and headed off to work with a spring in my step. You know that feeling when you thought you were going to die and then all of a sudden life is shiny and new, yeah, it was that kind of morning. Then I got to the office. Upon walking in the building I immediately stuffed up again thus realizing the probably cause of my curious and sudden ailment. Working in a building with half-finished ceilings and constant construction=throat infection. I wonder why I didn’t figure that out before. After that initial disappointment, I walked into the large room where my desk resides and noticed that my desk was out of place and empty except for the broken remnants of the wonderful wax ant that Tony made me. I looked in horror and wonder at what was going on. At least Tony’s birthday present was sitting on a desk in the corner, it being his birthday and all I would have been sad had it not arrived.

Apparently, people were bringing the fire door that will close the reception area off from the elevator bank though my window. I turned around and hit the down button on the elevator. I went downstairs, dropped my Netflix in the mail and headed to Dunkin’ Donuts for a bagel. I brought the bagel upstairs and went directly to the lunchroom, not even stopping to see what was going on in my work area. I sat there with the paper and leisurely ate. I tried not to think of the students I had to call for my class on Monday or the Volunteers I had to call to tell them the workshop they signed up to volunteer for was cancelled. I would get to them when I could. It was beyond my control.

As I sat there doing the crossword, I was informed that not only LaVerne (who has the desk opposite mine) and myself were kicked out of the work area but both of our entire departments had to evacuate for safety reasons. I chuckled and tried to think of a five letter acronym for plans not working out as they were drawn up. Oh, FUBAR, of course (that wasn’t actually in the crossword but wouldn’t it have been funny if it was). I was told the Executive Director was taking our departments out for breakfast but since I had just eaten a bagel and wasn’t exactly a happy camper, I opted out. So did LaVerne. Instead we sat and griped and I found the number for the Volunteer who was scheduled for Monday in the Volunteer Director’s office where I put all the stuff I no longer wanted to deal with.

At about noon my work station was essentially up and running. I couldn’t set up my desk properly though because an electrician has to come over the weekend and fix some things. I was only allowed the bare bones, a computer and a phone. It would serve my needs. I also spent some time in my new classroom watching people hang up white boards. That was fun. It is now 3:11. I have done all the work I can do at my limited workstation and I haven’t taken a lunch. I wonder if that means I can leave an hour early. I doubt it. Have a good weekend all.

1. I went all the way to Paris/ To forget your face/ Captured in stained glass/ Young lives long since past/ Statues of lovers everyplace

2. Baby your magic is working/ I lose control of myself/ Whenever you are near me/ I feel myself changing/ From a guy thought too cynical for love into a hopeless romantic

3. Somebody took the papers/ And somebody’s got the key/ And somebody’s nailed the door shut that says hey what you think that you see. Cool It Down, Velvet Underground. Identified by Monica

4. Hey little sister what have you done/ Hey little sister whose the only one/ Hey little sister whose your superman/ Hey little sister whose the one you want. White Wedding, Billy Idol. Identified by Mom.

5. I like a girl with caked up make-up/ in the sunshine smoking cigarettes to pass the time/ Who wakes up to a bottle of wine

WHY CAN'T YOU BE THE SICKEST AT THE DR?

Last night before I went to sleep I thought to myself that today would be the first day since Aug 15th that I would go to work two days in a row. When I woke up at 4:45am with huge sneezes and a throat that just didn’t want to swallow and a temp of 99.8 (very high for someone who is normally in the low 98s) I realized that today would, in fact, not be a day for going to work. I called the office and let them know that I would instead be hitting the Dr’s office and I would keep them posted.

I got up at eight so I could make an appointment and then got back in bed for a few hours. I headed to the Dr at 11. I checked my temp before leaving the house and it was at 99.3, still very high for me. The train was so unbearably slow that I somehow managed to end up being fifteen minutes late to the Drs office. It didn’t help that they had also switched floors in the building but that only added another minute onto my commute time. I sat around the office for a little while reading the cursed Red Eye. That paper is like crack, I know it is bad for me but I just can’t stop. Not that I ever have done crack but I have heard stories and I have an active imagination.

The nurse took my temp in the office, it was an incredibly normal 98.6. That is still a little high for me but not at all impressive. I was somewhat disappointed. My throat didn’t hurt as much as it had, my neck didn’t feel like it was in the early stages of Meningitis, and I could kind of speak without sounding like some kind of non-human creature. Why is it that whenever I make it to the Dr I am never as sick as when I decided to go? I don’t think I am the only one who has this problem. I think it is universally experienced. It just isn’t right.

I waited for the Dr and read InStyle. The magazine had a perfume sample in it somewhere and I hoped the nauseating smell would be enough to make me seem sicker when my Dr came in. I don’t think I needed it. She looked in my throat and felt my glands and promptly concluded that I had a throat infection but luckily came in early enough that it hadn’t gotten incredibly horribly bad. Not that my throat wasn’t red and gross, it just could have been worse. She wrote me a prescription and sent me on my way. I shouldn’t be contagious by tomorrow morning so back to work I go. However, Mom thinks that the half constructed office may be the cause of my illness and she may be right. If that building makes me feel worse I am taking home a few sheets of paper and making some calls and that will be that.

1. I went all the way to Paris/ To forget your face/ Captured in stained glass/ Young lives long since past/ Statues of lovers everyplace

2. Baby your magic is working/ I lose control of myself/ Whenever you are near me/ I feel myself changing/ From a guy thought too cynical for love into a hopeless romantic

3. Rush hour/ And the day is dawning/ And the rain came/ And pushed me under the awning. Ani DiFranco, Rush Hour. Identified by Brooke.

4. Let me tell you how it will be/ There’s one for you nineteen for me. Taxman, The Beatles. Identified by Brooke.

5. It was the third of September/ The day I’ll always remember/ Yes I will/ Cause that was the day that my Daddy died. Papa Was A Rolling Stone, The Temptations. Identified by Mom.

THE AWFUL MEDIA AND A NICE INTERVIEW

Why does the media insist on making my life horrible? I am usually ok with the media. Sometimes the media pisses me off but I understand it is a godless-lack-of-information-machine set to only deliver half the news. I am aware of this and accept it. However, when the media trespasses on my good fortune, I have serious problems.

Case in point, the current North Side expansion project on the CTA was blasted all over today’s Redeye paper. For the past month, we have been told that on April 2 the 2-year expansion project will start and it could as much as double commute times. People have been bombarded with messages to leave early, leave late, take alternate routes, etc.. I was not looking forward to this.

Yesterday morning I got up at my regular time and left at my regular time. I wanted to see how awful this expansion was and would then adjust accordingly if need be. I got to work 5 minutes earlier than normal. The train was far less crowded than usual (which doesn’t matter to me since I live far North enough to always get a seat) and people seemed calm and relaxed. On my way home I left at the normal time and arrived home about 10 minutes late due to some sitting, no biggie. The train was much less crowded and people seemed calm and relaxed. I thought the golden age of transit had arrived.

As you can tell, I did not post about this phenomenon yesterday. It would have fit in well with the whole branch theme (branches of transit) but I wanted to keep this glorious redline change a secret. I have a few readers in Chicago and, while I love you guys, I didn’t want this good news getting out. Selfish yes, stupid no.

This morning as I am taking my leisurely ride on my incredibly un-crowded train (it was a brown line car with fewer seats than the red line ones and nothing filled up until Sherridan) I began to read the red eye. There were two separate articles on how great the commute was on the train. Are they trying to ruin me? If people find out that the trains are great now they will stop taking alternate routes, leaving late, leaving early, and the commute times will double. It’s not smart to advertise things that will cause problems. I fully expect my 15 minute early arrival this morning (despite leaving at the normal time) to be my last. Tomorrow all those people who read the articles will be back on the trains and I will be late to work.

On a happier note, Sandra of Sunshine Scribe has been sending interview questions out to various bloggers and I wanted to post our interaction for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

1. What is the first concert you ever attended?
The first concert I was at was technically a Yanni concert. I don’t know why my parents were there. They generally have pretty good taste in music. I was a small baby and cried until they had to leave. The first concert I remember was an outdoor Stevie Wonder concert. That was really awesome.

2. If you were recouperating in a hospital, who would you want in the bed next to you, excluding your relatives?
It really depends on what I am recovering from. If it was a surgery on my abdomen I would need someone not very funny, if it was for any other reason I would need a funny person. Tony doesn't count because although he is not related, he is family. I would probably say Brooke, my partner in crime from the college days. She can make me laugh or talk about the deeper philosophies of life. she probably wouldn't make too much fun of me for being in the hospital, but she might. Not to mention she plays a mean Monopoly.

3. What is your least favourite word?
Being a lover of linguistic expression I honestly can’t say that I have a least favorite word. I think every word expresses something and was put into the language for a reason. Even the words that incite riots and wars are important to me. I may not say them, but every loaded word elicits some kind of emotion and that is what living and expressing yourself is all about. Part of what makes life so tragic and so beautiful are the bad things in it. We couldn't laugh without pain. Everything has its place.

4. For what do you think you would be willing to lay down your life?
My sister is the one thing that pops into my head immediately. I have a real protective thing with that girl and hate to see her in pain. While political causes and social justice are important to me, I think that I can effect more change in those areas alive than dead (at least in this day and age). My life is pretty darn important to a lot of people.

5. What reality TV show would you kick butt on?
America’s Next Top Short Plus-Sized Model. This show obviously doesn’t exist. I don’t think I would be all that good on any reality show. I tend to have a relatively dry sense of humor and I don’t know if it would really translate well to a wide audience. I also tend to be a jerk sometimes and it would probably get me kicked off pretty quick. Once this girl dragged me along to a casting for The Real World and they asked me what I would do when embarrassed and I said I didn’t get embarrassed (which at that point was actually kind of true I made a fool of myself often and didn’t much care) because nothing was that important. A girl next to me said something about walking into a wall in front of a cute boy. I said I would get over that (I had a big habit of doing stupid things in front of a particular “cute” boy who got less cute over time) and I was telling the truth. They thought I was no fun and I got no call back. Then again, I would assume few people do.

1. What happened to/ The world we knew/ When we were dreaming, scheming/ Whiling the time away.

2. Megan/ She don’t eat bacon/ She never killed a sweet innocent little piggy to get bacon.

3. And she was lying in the grass/ And she could hear the highway breathing/ and she could see a nearby factory/ she’s making sure she isn’t dreaming. And She Was, by Talking Heads. Identified by hospital buddy Brooke.

4. It's a hard world to get a break in/ All the good things have been taken/ But girl there are ways/ To make certain things pay

5. I’ve got a delicate mind/ I’ve got a dangerous nature/ And my fist collides/ With your furniture. Regrets, by The Eurythmics. Identified by Dad (much better than Yanni)

CAN I GO HOME YET?

Today is a blah day. I felt all types of nasty this morning and blame most of it on the nice weather. I was happily enjoying the fun outside and then got all kinds of sniffles and allergic feelings. It was awful. This morning I woke up and my head was so full of pressure and non breathing that I decided I couldn’t move and needed a combination of medicine and sleep. It isn’t as if I didn’t get a normal amount of sleep I was just messed up. I called work and told them I would be in by noon at the latest. If I hadn’t had five appointments scheduled for the afternoon I would be at home still. I still feel crappy.

I realized that the ice rink is still open across the street. I really should go skating sometime this week. It is really nice outside to be able to skate outdoors. I think it would be fun. I wonder if anyone else would want to come? I wonder how crowded the rink is after working hours on a Friday. I bet it will suck. Maybe not though, maybe no one will think of skating. It might be raining by Friday, maybe even snowing. I think my plan might suck. I should have gone yesterday.

Speaking of Ice Skating, I can’t wait to see Blades of Glory. It looks like the funniest movie about figure skating ever. Usually I hate movies about figure skating because they have all types of unrealistic premises. The Cutting Edge- Hockey Player becomes Olympic caliber figure skater in one season. Ice Princess- Physics student who can barely skate applies science to skating and is suddenly unbeatable (the top people apply science all the time and it helps but not that much). Ice Castles- Skater is foolish enough to skate on a rink full of chairs and crap. You get the picture. Blades of Glory also wouldn’t happen because I do believe pairs skating has been defined as being between a man and a woman (but maybe I am wrong) and I don’t think the ISU would go for two guys skating together, particularly ones that used a loophole to embarrass the sport. Regardless, the utter silliness of the premise makes it seem enjoyable to me, those other movies aren’t supposed to be slapstick comedy. I fully plan to see it as soon as possible. Sisterhead saw it last night and said she had a huge smile on her face the whole time and her cheeks hurt afterward. Sounds like my kind of film. I also think the characters are ideal stereotypes of American male skaters, the frufru sequined guy and the macho tough guy (which is an oxymoron in and of itself). I can’t wait.

I want to crawl under my desk and die. I should go home. My appointments are done as my last one called to say she too was feeling crappy. I wish I had the luxury of being at home like her. Instead I am sitting here in a very hot office with a runny nose and a headache. At least I can breathe.

Zak and Sara, Ben Folds- Can Rockin’ The Suburbs be any better? The answer is no, not for what it is supposed to be. Are there better albums? Of course. However, this one is pretty darn great. I think Ben Folds going solo was a great idea.

Dance Me To The End of Love, Leonard Cohen- I love this song. It is something that I would expect to show up on some sick and twisted episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Some obviously evil but slightly comical vampire would be dancing around with some droopy bloodless body and just singing away. I think it would be fantastic.

In The Way, Ani DiFranco- Evolve is another one of those albums that I think is simply prefect for what it is. I think it has such a swinging jazzy style that is really different from many of Ani’s other albums. I could see both Ani fans and people typically interested in other genres meeting up at this album and all nodding their heads in approval. I really like this song too.

HEY STUPIDS! PUT ON SOME CLOTHES

Today is the first time an ages that it has been nice outside. The high is about 69 degrees and it may even climb into the 70s. People are happy and smiling and the world seems new. This morning, I heard birds chirping and, even though it was really hard to get out of bed, I was looking forward to the day.

I put on a mid-weight dress, a shirt and some fishnets without nylons under them because I didn’t need the extra warmth. I put on my spring jacket instead of my winter one. Unlike yesterday, I didn’t put my scarf in my bag “just in case”.

On the way to work I decided to listen to Jeff Buckley, Grace. It was soothing and calm and just seemed to meld perfectly with the still slightly gray morning. People on the street were friendly and smiled, which is unusual because typically a smile on the street will generate a crazy look.

Once I got downtown, I noticed the varying degrees to which people were dressed and it made me laugh and smile. You still had a very few people in winter coats but I didn’t see any scarves, hats, or gloves. Then you had the ones like me, lightweight coats sometimes unbuttoned. You had the people in simply their suits, which to me is basically the same as a lightweight jacket. Then people started to get a little overboard, in my opinion.

I saw people in long sleeved shirts without jackets, which would be fine for noon but a little nippy at nine or five. There were people in t-shirts, which was simply uncalled for. I saw plenty of toes, and even a pair of flip flops or two. It’s not even guaranteed to reach 70, people. I even saw a few sundresses. Not sundresses with long sleeved shirts over them like mine, just plain old arms out sundresses. I understood the people biking or running who weren’t dressed warmly, they were going to work up a sweat. Those people who just decided that it is warm enough for summer are the nutbar ones. Come on people, I too am happy about the warm weather but have some sense. It’s just not that nice. At least put on a sweater over your bare shoulders.

I hope they get sick. It would serve their cold butts right. For some reason I have something against people who don’t appreciate the true nature of the weather. They are the ones who get sick and then infect the rest of us who have enough sense to dress appropriately by sitting by us on public transportation. I’ll be ready, toes out, when the time is right. I’m just not one to jump the gun. I hate stupids.

The Sphinx, Ornette Coleman- I don’t have enough jazz on my iPod. I also don’t have enough classical music. People should get me things. Oh wait; I don’t have a computer to update my iPod on currently. People should get me things later.

Taxi Theme, ??- I guess this is from a classic TV show, maybe it qualifies as classical music. Never mind, it classifies as crappy.

Try (Just a Little Bit Harder), Janis Joplin- I love this woman. She made cracked out cool. Until she died. I could never drink enough southern comfort to die but only because I drank enough to go paralyzed that one time.

I'M NOT GONNA DIE

Today I went to the Dr. It was a much-needed thing. Yesterday, my boss sent me home from work because I was obviously not supposed to be there. I came home and slept for about four hours. This was a good thing because last night, like most nights for the past month, I woke up breathless constantly. Now I can see people who know and love me shaking their heads at this point because there is no reason I shouldn’t have been to the Dr. months ago. They are right. I should have gone to the Dr. months ago. However, I was poor (because my work is charging me double for insurance because they forgot to take it out of my check for about nice months) so I couldn’t afford the Dr. Isn’t it funny that my insurance payments made me not able to go to the Dr? I see the humor. Anyway, I finally made up my mind to see the Dr.

I couldn’t see the Dr. before today because I had to change my medical group on my insurance. The people they had me set up for were so far from my work and house that I would have died on the way there. Well, not literally, but it would have been a real huge pain in my ass. I swear I didn’t sign myself up for these people. I signed myself up for someone closer. In fact, I think I signed myself up for the Dr. I ended up going to see. So, the new medical group wouldn’t take effect until the first, today, so I made my appointment for today. I was looking forward to going to see the Dr. like a kid on Christmas morning.

When I woke up this morning (or should I say got out of bed since I had been in and out of a wheeze filled sleep for the past four hours) I was so excited. I went to the front room to check the weather and noticed outside that the trees seemed to be covered in white. I looked out the window and everything was covered in white. It had snowed, a lot. I dug out my winter coat and some gloves (the scarf and hat had been out for some time) and trudged off to work. See I had to go to work to print out the temporary medical card with the new medical group number on it for the Dr (but work is 2 blocks from the Dr. so it is ok). I thought my appointment was at 10:30 but as I was walking to the train I remembered it wasn’t until 11:30. That was ok though, I could be at work for a little longer and no one would be hurt. The train was real slow. You would think that Chicago would be used to snow and it wouldn’t slow things as much as it does but, not so much.

When I got to work at 10:45 (good think my appt wasn’t at 10:30) I got to printing out my medical card. Then, the Dr. office calls me and says the Dr. is at the hospital and not her office and isn’t sure how long it will take her to get to the office because of the weather and would I mind rescheduling my appointment for Monday. I politely told them that I really needed to see the Dr. today and thought there was a chance I would be in the hospital before Monday if I didn’t get some prednisone stat. I mentioned that if the Dr. would write me prescription for prednisone and a preventative inhaler like advair I would be happy to pick those up and come in on Monday. As I expected, that was not an option. They called me back a while later and said the Dr. would be there as soon as she could. I said thanks and left the office.

My new Dr. is great. First of all, her name is Farah Khan. Maybe I am very easily amused but that name (and the fact that her office is two blocks from my work) was a big reason I picked her. It is also the reason that I think I picked her before and why I remembered that I should have had her all along. She is also really pretty. I like pretty people. They make me more comfortable. She is also relatively young. She isn’t so young that you think she should be out of med school a few more years before touching you but young enough that you can be open and honest and not feel like you are talking to a parent. Not that I am not open and honest with my parents but you know. Dr. Khan took one listen to my chest and was like “Damn, girl you can’t breathe at all” (but more professionally) and gave me advair and prednisone. Told you. I am going back to see her on Wednesday next week for a follow up and more thorough check-up. I won’t die now.

Let's celebrate my life with music stuffs.

1. The lights are off again, she took me by surprise. She’s so sensitive, shit just happens sometimes.

2. There’ll be no darkness tonight lady our love will shine lighting the night.

3. Everybody’s looking at me. Feeling paranoid inside. When I step outside I’ll feel free. Think I’ll find a place to hid.

4. Downtown my darling dime store thief, in the war of independence rock-n-roll rang sweet as victory

5. Jacques Lamure is a volunteer fireman. He longs to give his life saving a nice old man and his wife.

A LATE MORNING

Last night an awesome friend named Wo who is in school for massages invited me over for a night of massage, Othello, and cookies. He is a good massager. It is better than me by far at Othello (I haven’t played for ages in my defense), and he makes good cookies. I also became a sneezy fest monster because he has a zoo and I forgot to take allergy meds. But it was ok cause I love his sneezy affectionate zoo friends. I went home, took meds felt better and went to sleep. Well actually I talked to Tony and we took a bunch of Blogthings quizzes over the phone because he was lonely since his mom went out on the town and he didn’t want to go. Apparently if someone were to paint my portrait it should be Andy Warhol, Klimt should paint Tony. Those are the only results I am posting cause it’s all that matters. Oh, and Tony is Animal if he takes the Muppet quiz about himself but if I take it thinking about him he is Fozzie.

When I woke up this morning I was an asthmatic wheezy mess so I called work, told them I would be late, and went to bed. It could have been the zoo or it could have been that I have had a lingering cough for ages. Who knows? I would have stayed home all day but the new volunteer director asked me to coordinate the practice interviews for our employment class today and I said I would. I am sure someone else could do it but I didn’t want to ask anyone and I feel better now. Not wheezing.

Tony will come home today. He really wanted to come home last night but didn’t think about it until 7pm and the last train was at 7:30 so it wasn’t going to happen. I’ll see him soon and it will be nice. We will watch Top Model and the Project Runway finale (and so should everyone else in the world cause it’s gonna be great!) and things will be back to normal.

I think my skirt is done de-wrinkling in the steamy bathroom so I should go put it on and get to work shortly. Have a nice day. Think of me strolling down the street to the train to these tunes.

Dead, They Might Be Giants- I don’t want to be dead. I am also still alive and there are things I want to do. It is still a very fun song. TMBG have a great talent for not always happy songs to happy tunes. I love that about them.

OOH Child, The Five Stairsteps- This song is great and the world loves it. The last time I heard it was at Taco Bell after mini golf. It was a welcome change to the very strange things they were playing. There was one that went “I tried to tell you but it came out wrong, so I had to say I love you with a song,” man it was awful.

Love For Tomorrow, Isobel Campbell- Isobel’s first album Amorino was outstanding and I thought that her leaving Bell and Sebastian might actually have been ok because B&S were still great and she was great on her own. Tony and I went to a concert to see her. Apparently she had made a second album (that hadn’t been released in the US yet). No more were the sweet jazzy stylings of Amorino; she had gone straight Glaswegian folk. The room cleared, it was no good. I was mad.