THIS IS FOR ME JUST AS MUCH AS...MONICA

So while browsing around I found an entire of Montreal concert from their recent tour and decided to put it on this blog because...duh, it's awesome. Sadly, they are playing for the lamest crowd I have ever seen in life. Apparently, people in Amsterdam are notoriously dull concert goers or at least so said a commenter who was there that night. Sadly, the dull concert goers seem to have made the band rather dull as well. Where are the jumping up and down crazy theatrics??? Huh??? Huh??? Wait...they are in Amsterdam. Regardless, if I was at a concert where they played So Begins Out Alabee, Wraith Pinned To The Mist and Other Games, Requiem for OMM2, and many many more awesome jams I would have been a crazed dancing fool. Still, it is great to see some live footage that sounds good. Monica just called me to say I am an of Montreal obsessed fool, and it is true. Whatever, she can't wait to watch.


On another note, I have realized that my blog is now about Figure Skating and of Montreal. I should change the name to Definitely Boring Musings Unless You Love Figure Skating and of Montreal. I won't though. I'll just find some other things to post about.

I could write about those fool ass fools who decided to hold a white supremacy rally in Jena on MLK Day but the absolute mess that was such an event doesn't even warrant my rantings. Even a person completely blind to any and all racial bogusness would understand that one.

Today is exciting because I submitted my first flex spending reimbursement. OOOOHHHHH neat. Now that I have a grown up job I get real grown up job perks. I wonder where my transit card that I ordered through that great pre-tax transit program is? There is less than a week and a half until February. It better get here.

Speaking of transit. I can't believe G-rod (our Gov) made it so people over 65 can ride the CTA for free. I hope that only Srs who actually need the break apply for the card. I guess the CEO types generally take their cars anyway. Regardless, as much as I love the Baby Boomers there are far too many of them and they will all be over 65 in the not too distant future. They also happen to be the richest generation ever. It just doesn't quite seem right. I'm all for not taxing people on seriously fixed income and would be more than supportive of a sliding scale payment tier for Srs that went all the way down to free. I guess that would be too much work though. Eh. I'll just watch awesome concert footage and forget about it. When, oh when, will there be a DVD of their awesomeness?

1. When the Witch Doctor Life/ throws his silent bones/ some are crowned kings/ while others lose their thrones

2. It was a clear black night/ a clear white moon/ Warren g was on the streets trying to consume

3. You sure you want to be with me/ I’ve nothing to give/ Won’t lie and say this lovings best. Overcome, Tricky. Identified by Jason.

4. Hey, hey, mama/ said the way you move/Gonna make you sweat/ gonna make you groove. Black Dog, Led Zepplin, Identified by Katrina

5. riding round town with all the windows down/ Eight track playing all your favorite sounds

MA'AM NO MORE

When I was 22 I started working in downtown Chicago. I was your typical commuter putting on my business type clothes, getting on the train, and walking to one of the many tall buildings that populate the area. I would generally go to lunch sometime between noon and one with all the other downtown working types. Sometimes, after work, I would do a little shopping and was often accompanied by other after work shoppers. It was during this time I began to be referred to as Ma’am.

It made sense, I was obviously a grown-up. I worked in a grownup area, wore grownup clothes, and traveled during peak grown-up hours. Even as I got more comfortable at work and the grownupness of my clothes may have become a little more casual I was still a member of the grownup team.

I hate being called Ma’am. Granted, at this point I am pushing 30 and maybe the term applies. Even if it does apply I still think it is gross. However, at 22 I don’t think the term ever applies. The thing is I have never looked particularly old. I think I look my age. Some people tell me that I look younger but I think they are either just people who look older than they are or people that think we are still in the times of Love Connection when 21 was the new 40.

Now that I work primarily on a college campus filled with undergrads the terminology has changed. I have become Miss again. It is entirely awesome. Yesterday I went to pick up a prescription and handed the pharmacist my new insurance information. “Is this in your name or your parent’s,” he asked me. I almost fainted. I haven’t been eligible for my parents insurance in almost seven years. It felt wonderful. I walk down the street or stop into a shop and it is Miss this and Miss that and I don’t feel like an old lady anymore.

The perks of this job just keep on coming.

As Monica guessed almost everything on the shuffle yesterday here are a bunch of new songs.

1. We are two mariners/ Our ships sole survivors/ In this belly of a whale. _________, The Decemberists. Partially identified by Identified by Monica

2. To me/ Coming from you/ Friend is a four letter word/ End is the only part of the word/ That I heard

3. I let the beast in too soon/I don't know how to live/ Without my hand on his throat/ I fight him always and still

4. Have mercy on me sir/ allow me to impose on you/ I have no place to stay/ And my bones are cold right through

5. I’ve never known a girl like you before/ Just like in a song from days of yore/ here you come a knocking knocking on my door. A Girl Like You. Edwin Collins. Identified by The Doc

WEEK ONE DOWN

Here I am, halfway through my first week on the new job. I have my desk accessories, and I must say they look quite nice, and I am starting to get the lay of the land. I went to an interdepartmental meeting yesterday and actually understood about 70% of what was going on. I thought that was pretty good.

Today someone came by to take my picture for the new employee section of the departmental newsletter. He worked in the downtown office and I had offered to go to him for the picture. He said eh would come to me. I then told him that I was in Lincoln Park and asked it that would be ok. He said sure. Today he told me that no one has ever offered to go to his office before. I wonder why?

So far the hardest thing has been getting my commute right. My main office is five stops closer on the train than my old office and I thought I would save about 15-20 min on the commute. I was right the first day, left 18min later and got to work at about 8:55. Then I did the same thing on the second day and got to work at about 9:05??? Today I left 10min later and got here at 8:45. It makes absolutely no sense. Not to mention the day that I came in to my office and then headed to the downtown office to meet my supervisor and was late. I gave myself 30min to go 7 stops, and was 10min late. It made no sense whatsoever. Oh well, I suppose if that is the least of my worries (well that and mastering the material I have to start teaching in Jan) I’m doing fine.

My computer at home is still broken but it seems to be less broken than before. About a month ago we went to turn it on and the buttons didn’t work. I took it apart and jiggled things but nothing changed. The other day we went out into the living room and the thing was on although the front buttons still don’t seem to do anything. We had been completely unable to get it on before. However, now the monitor won’t go off sleep mode so we can’t tell if it is on and working or just on and doing nothing. It is all baffling. Tony’s friend Ryan is going to send us a laptop so we’ll be able to have a computer while I send it off to my Dad.

1. Make a list little Lars never seen a star/ Put his fans behind bars/ Can’t you see mp3 means you’re stealing from me/ you should have bought a Cd

2. Daddy’s ghost behind you/ sleeping dog beside you/ You’re a point of mystery/ You’re the prayer inside me

3. Does it make you happy to ignore me on streets/ I guess by now you think I’m weak/ I wish you could have said something before now

4. So I go/ Though it hurts me so/ I'm crying/ For your love

5. Looking back on when I/ Was a little nappy-headed boy/ Then my only worry/ Was for Christmas what would be my toy. I Wish, Stevie Wonder. Identified by Mom.

SINCE THE FEAST

I learned a few things during this year’s Thanksgiving.

1. Don’t make a dish you haven’t prepared before but you saw done on the Food Network with much larger vegetables than the ones you could find. It just won’t work out quite right. My artichokes were not served although I did take them home and manage to make a few incredibly tasty bites.

2. If you want Tony to do karaoke you have to pick a Beastie Boys song.

3. Even when you think there is plenty of food, plenty of drunken people will eat things you had planned to eat for leftovers

4. Good food and good fun will make fast friends

5. Sometimes to have proper leftover plates the next day you need to go back to the store and get some more potatoes.

I started my new job at DePaul University on Monday. The first day was a general new employee orientation where people from all departments came and talked to us about new hire things. It was a day with a lot of paper. Tuesday we did our Electronic stuffs orientation which didn’t take too long at all and then were to report to our respective departments. I wasn’t scheduled to be in my department until noon due to my supervisor having a meeting and we got out at 10:30. I took a seat in Starbucks, had a chai, did the crossword puzzle and read Prometheus Bound. I then met my manger, went to lunch, got introduced around the loop office and then was shown to my office at the Lincoln Park campus. There were more introductions and I was given the Staples catalogue to order things for my desk. I spent a long time deciding if I want black mesh desk accessories or black solid ones with rounded corners. I am going with the mesh because it fits my futuristic office furniture a little better.

Today I went in to my office and read over things for about an hour. I left at 10am to get to the Loop campus and meet my supervisor at 10:30. I was late. I have no idea how that happened but she told me that sometimes it can take up to 45min. Granted, I was only five min late but it didn’t make me feel too spiffy. We spent the morning going over departmental structure, my goals until June ’08 and the things our program is measured by. Then we started in on the Financial Literacy workshops that I will be teaching. We got through one before lunch. It is like the financial stuff I was teaching before but much more in-depth. After lunch we’ll go into the three others.

Things are looking pretty good. Everyone here is incredibly nice and welcoming. One of the guys the Lincoln Park office has a banjo. Monica would totally want to hang out with this guy. Although there is a ton to learn and not all that much time to learn it before I have to get out there and teach/supervise/create I think that I’m really going to enjoy it and that is a great feeling.

1. Make a list little Lars never seen a star/ Put his fans behind bars/ Can’t you see mp3 means you’re stealing from me/ you should have bought a Cd

2. Daddy’s ghost behind you/ sleeping dog beside you/ You’re a point of mystery/ You’re the prayer inside me

3. Does it make you happy to ignore me on streets/ I guess by now you think I’m weak/ I wish you could have said something before now

4. So I go/ Though it hurts me so/ I'm crying/ For your love

5. Girl I must warn you/ I sense something strange in my mind/ Situation is serious/ Let's do it cause we're running out of time. Poison, BBD. Identified by Monica.

SOME ALARMS AND SOME SURPRISES

This morning started off very peacefully. I watched the season premier of Project Runway, which I had missed because I was watching the very disappointing 19th run of Sasuke “aka” Ninja Warrior. Ninja Warrior is the most insane obstacle course ever created and is one of my favorite things to watch because the things these guys do are simply amazing. My favorite run was 17, when Makoto Nagano became the second person in history to finish the course. You can see him tackling all four stages below.

The thing with this competition is that they consistently make it harder. Once Nagano completed the course the 18th run was totally insane. Only six people made it past the first stage and three made it to the third no one, including Nagano, finished stage three. Nagano was close but accidentally grabbed the wrong part of an obstacle and disqualified himself.

For run 19 they simply went too far. The obstacles are so much harder that only two people made it past stage one (100 attempt the course each time). Nagano was very close to finishing but missed it saying he wasn't determined enough. Maybe seeing all his best competitors fail was too depressing. No one made it past the second obstacle on stage two, making it the shortest competition in history. I hope they don’t make the course harder next year because it would just be stupid. You want to see people have at least the opportunity to finish. If they keep the same course as they had this year I think more will succeed.

Anyway, I digressed a whole lot. This morning was very peaceful. It was a cold morning but brisk and still. The train ride was quiet and speedy. As I got off the train I was listening to “no surprises”, by Radiohead on the iPod and was in a nice happy place. Then as the words in my ears sang, “no alarms and no surprises,” I came off the escalator to the surprising alarm of a fire engine. The day hasn’t quite recovered. I forgot that I agreed to stay late to help with a volunteer orientation. I did three depressing and draining practice interviews, and Cassandra is out sick so I can’t go over some things with her that I really need to cover before I leave. No surprises indeed.

1. Underneath the bridge/ top has sprung a leak and/ the animals I trapped/ Have all become my pets. Something In The Way, Nirvana. Identified by Brooke.

2. Make a list little Lars never seen a star/ Put his fans behind bars/ Can’t you see mp3 means you’re stealing from me/ you should have bought a Cd

3. Daddy’s ghost behind you/ sleeping dog beside you/ You’re a point of mystery/ You’re the prayer inside me

4. Does it make you happy to ignore me on streets/ I guess by now you think I’m weak/ I wish you could have said something before now

5. THe first cut/ Is a criminal thing/ The first cut/ Goes deeper in. The First Cut, Eurythmics. Identified by Mom.

A BALD ASSHOLE IN MY BRAIN

Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes. I am incredibly excited. I have now started to get very nervous as well. It’s a good nervous, an exciting motivating nervous, but nervous all the same. The main reason I was looking for a new job was to do something new. I was no longer being challenged. However, it is nice to be someone who can answer questions about virtually every aspect of what goes on at work. It is nice to have someone come to you with a question and you not have to look anything up before you can quote numbers and statistics. It is nice to know you are really good at your job.

I have no doubt that I will become really good at my new job. I also know that it would be insane not to expect a lengthy period of adjustment. One of the nice things about when I am starting is that the students won’t be at school. I’ll have time until mid Jan before they return to get used to how everything works. I amso happy about that. It helps a lot. It certainly doesn’t erase the nerves though.

Last night I dreamt I was Larry David. If you know who that is, you will get a sense of how incredibly nervous I actually am. That man makes Woody Allen look relaxed and sane. Not only was I Larry David but I was Larry David lost in an enormous hotel that seemed to resemble parts of a temple in Ninja Gaiden Sigma. I haven’t even played that game in weeks since I bested the horrible Queen Fiend. Talk about a stressful battle. She was one of the most difficult bosses that I have ever faced in the history of gaming.

Once I became myself again in dreamland, I found myself taking train after train after train and getting delayed and lost in order to get someplace that I really could have walked to. Why I didn’t walk I have no idea because I usually prefer to walk short distances unless it is incredibly cold outside but it was not cold in my dream. It was a little cold after I woke up though so maybe it does make sense.

I know that everything will work out just fine. In a way I am actually glad to get out of my comfort zone. I know it is only natural to feel this way when starting something new. I just hope that my dreams will start to calm down because if they stay at this level of anxiety I will be a sick sick person in a number of weeks. I need to find something to keep me nice and relaxed for until I get started. Any suggestions?

1. I know/ I can’t find you/ I go/ sit beside you. I Know, The Best Band

2. We love to boogie/ we love to boogie/ Jitterbug boogie/ High school boogie/ we love to boogie/ On a Saturday night. We Love To Boogie, T-Rex (not I Love the nightlife (Disco Round) by Alicia Bridges although it could easily be mistaken for it)

4. Seven am so it begins again/ One zip favoring familiar silhouettes/ Left whips and chains/ Behind I’m boycotting trends it’s my new look this season. Girl Disappearing, Tori Amos

5. You see this kind if chick in every town/ whenever there’s a scene she’ always hanging around/ she’s so naive and innocent/ stares at you with awe/ she’s only 14 but she knows how to draw. Superlungs my Supergirl, Donovan.

DINNER WITH GERMANS

On Friday night I went for Indian food with my new work friend, Franz the German exchange social worker, Bianca a German exchange worker in Franz’s program, Monica, and Tony. We had an awesome time. The food was delicious, Monica didn’t get an allergic reaction, and we had some excellent laughs.

During dinner Tony asked Franz and Bianca if the German exchange student he knew in High School was a typical guy. See Tony had these suspicions that this guy was a total nerd. He would say things like “I am a scooter boy and scooter boys are the coolest!” while dancing the “scooter dance” He also LOVED Boney M. As Tony had suspected, scooter boys are not cool at all, particularly if they are huge Boney M fans. They are kind of like a more pathetic version of emo kids. Tony felt much better because he was certain that this guy was a wiener but didn’t want to hold these suspicions if he truly was cool in Germany. Tony also had a great moment discussing scooters when he said, “you know, scooters, vroom vroom” and the Germans looked at him like, duh of course. Tony was confused because we were also talking about some German pop sensation named Scooter and he was just trying to be clear but, in actually, Tony was the only one who was confused.

After we left the restaurant we took a short walk down Devon Avenue because Franz wanted to see what was around. I explained that it would look something like this, sari store, restaurant, jewelry store, sari store, etc. I was actually wrong because the jewelry stores didn’t start for a few blocks and instead there were little convenience stores in their place. Regardless we got the picture and decided to wait for the bus.

I asked Monica if she had read the Hillbilly article I posted that day and we started laughing at how horrible it was. Franz asked, “What is a hillbilly?” so Monica, Tony, and I let the stereotypes fly. I have never claimed to be particularly politically correct. Sure racism makes me mad and I get a good laugh out of it but I’m not above the occasional stereotype. Hypocritical? Sure, but at least I’m honest. I will also admit that we were kind of explaining white trash or rednecks and not hillbillies but we did later correct ourselves while explaining that the terms were somewhat interchangeable but not entirely.

As Tony said, “it is always okay to make fun of white trash,” Monica and I agreed. It just is. You can argue but you will be wrong .We explained that you can spot one by their plaid shirts, mesh caps, wife-beaters (cause they like to beat their wives), cheap beer, (I also learned that beer is considered food in Germany) and eagerness to call you a faggot and kick your ass. I told Franz that this last thing would particularly apply to him being male and European. Monica added that they would also probably call him British because all Europeans are British to white trash. Tony told Bianca that, as a German woman, white trash would probably expect her to walk around carrying beer steins and wearing lederhosen at all times. People at the bus stop looked at us like we were insane and they had every right to do so. Franz saw a guy in a motorcycle and asked us what kind of person he was to which we replied, “he’s just a guy on a bike,” which he was. “VROOM VROOM” was all Franz had to say about that, which was incredibly hilarious. Monica made sure to let the Germans know that you can’t always tell white trash by looking at them but once they say “hey faggot I’m gonna kick you ass,” you would know. She is right.

When we got on the bus we had to be quiet in case there were any white trash types on the bus. It appeared to be safe so we kept talking. We learned that the German equivalent of white trash is loosely translated as “land egg” I would type the German word but I couldn’t even pronounce it and Franz is gone for the day. I like the term though, it makes sense.

Now I realize that we are probably horrible people for teaching the Germans this stuff. We felt kind of like the 8th graders telling the 2nd graders bad words but it was so incredibly funny that we couldn’t stop. ot that Franz and Bianca are like second graders but, you know what I mean. I’m sure that someone will call me a faggot and kick my ass any day now for payback. That will suck.

FADE OUT AGAIN

It was a strange morning. Nothing quite fit. Although the train was arriving just as I reached the platform, which is usually a good sign, it didn’t quite pull all the way into the station and the doors remained shut. People began to pile up behind the doors, jockeying for position to get on first. I stood back in my normal position, expecting the train to pull up and match my stance. That never happened. Inside the train, I could see the conductor walking back and forth, back and forth, opening doors, pulling handles, and not letting anyone on. It was excruciating. Finally, the door to my left opened, although the one directly in front of me remained closed. I slipped into the car and made it down to the end past where the door was still shut, past he people I had been waiting behind. I sat in the single person seat, my favorite, and waited.

The conductor came and manually opened the closed door. I wondered why more people hadn’t moved to the open door like I did. I always wonder why it is that groups of people will only make a change if many people in the group all decide to change at the same time. Individuals have much more freedom to alter the norm. The people who had been waiting outside gave me an odd look. They appeared confused that I had managed to enter the train and make it to a seat before them as they were standing closer to the door than I. It really wasn’t that hard to do, I had the freedom of one. Plus, it was hot outside and the train had air conditioning. I wasn’t about to wait for a door that had to be manually opened, what was that about? Even once the conductor opened the door the train wouldn’t move. I don’t think the door wanted to close. People continued to file in, creating a standing room only situation. This is not a good development at the fourth stop from the start of the line. It was going to be a rough morning for some but not for me. I had my little corner of the train, I had my space, and I was ok.

After two more stops the train was officially packed. I politely sat in my seat, reading my paper, listening to The Bends, and smiling because I was glad that I chose to live so far north. I don’t mind standing on the way home from work but, on the way in, I need my peace. I need to come into the day alone. The conductor came on the loudspeaker and said our train was going to run express from Thorndale to Addison, which is a long way, people seemed relieved. They thought that skipping many stops would ease their commute. They contemplated a little more peace. They were wrong. Hoards of people swarmed onto the train at Addison, people were packed in like it was a 5pm train headed north to an evening Cubs game; poor people. I was ok.

As the train pulled into the Lake Street station, people jockeyed for position so that they could either get off or stay on with as little movement as possible. The one drawback to the single person seat is that you have a long way to go to the door on a crowded train. I sometimes fear that I won’t make it in time. I fear that the train will kidnap me and drag me unwillingly to Monroe. Now that Washington station is closed it is a bigger deal to miss my stop. Luckily, I made it out. I always make it out; I just fear that I won’t. It’s one of those unfounded fears that really has no consequences. Even if my fear is realized I will be fine. Regardless, it causes me a slight twinge of stress every morning.

As I got off the train, my album came to a close. Street Spirit (Fade Out) seeped into my ears. I approached the escalator and saw that it was not working. The person in front of me was walking slower than my natural speed making me feel like I was plodding along at a snails pace embedded in the herd and unable to break free. Why is it that walking up an escalator that isn’t moving is more difficult than walking up one that is moving? When the escalator is stopped, it feels as if the steps are placed at just the right intervals to make you uncomfortable. Yet, when moving, they feel just right. I felt trapped. In leaving my personal seat on the train I had given up my freedom, I became part of the herd. I focused on the shoes of the woman in front of me. I willed her to move faster. I hoped that I could break free. I couldn’t. I was stuck. In my ears the words came through loud and clear:

This machine will, will not communicate

These thoughts and the strain I am under

Be a world child, form a circle

Before we all go under

And fade out again and fade out again

We get a bunch of new, and relatively easy, songs today. Yeah!

1. Well my name is Young MC and I’m cold rockin’ the house/ I came up into the place and now I’m turning it out.

2. My baby’s always dancing/ And it wouldn't be a bad thing/ But I don't get no loving/ And that's no lie.

3. The creator of what’s now cliché/ Had some funny words to say/ all you little things are incomplete/ Why did he speak of us that way.

4. Nothing you could say would tear me away from my guy/ Nothing you could do cause I’m stuck like glue to my guy. My Guy, Mary Wells. Identified by Katrina

5. I would say I‘m sorry if I thought that it would change your mind/ But I know that this time I have said too much/ been too unkind. Boys Don't Cry, The Cure. Identified by Monica

IF NOT FOR FULL TUMMIES WE WOULD HAVE BEEN DOOMED

I have so much on my mind today I don’t even know where to begin. First of all I have decided that although it is nice for my supervisor to have me scheduling the volunteers to come in and do stuff while other people meet and greet them and take them to the classes, it seems a little incongruous. I’m ok with it though. It gives me about 10 minutes more time to do my job every day.

After work yesterday Monica took me to Standard Indian Restaurant for dinner. She rules for that. One thing I will say about that restaurant is that it is real standard. The dishes are all tasty but none are particularly exceptional (although they make a mean cauliflower). I always know exactly what I am going to get when I go there and I am never disappointed because it always tastes the same. It’s standard and sometimes that is good. I really need to hit up some of the Indian buffets on the Devon strip. I found the ever divine Hema’s and now tend not to go further down to where the buffets are. I bet I’m missing out on some good buffeting.

I’ve kind of gotten ahead of my story. On the way to the restaurant we had to ride a train that was full of people going to a Cubs game. I know I have said it time and time again but riding the train with Cubs fans is one of the many things that make me hate them. The other was living in Wrigleyville for two years. I realize there are some great Cubs fans out there, some that read this blog, and I am not talking about them. I’m talking about the jerks who don’t realize that stepping all the way in is an option on the train. I’m talking about the ones that flip their hair all around on crowded trains and slap your friend in the face with it. This includes the ones who press their entire bodies on a railing so you can’t get a grasp on anything. I can’t leave out those who are so drunk before the game that your commute smells like a keg. These are the ones I hate. They weren’t actually all on the train yesterday but, whatever, they suck.

The bad thing about getting off at Belmont before a Cubs game is that you don’t get to enjoy the serene peace of post Addison ridership. Then again, you get to eat Indian Food and that is always a plus. When we got to the restaurant we had a hard time getting in because some “band” type folks were just standing in front of the door. They decided to enter shortly after we did, this later became a problem.

We were debating if we should go and get food or wait for the waiter so that we could order Mango Lassis. We opted to get food. This was a mistake as we didn’t get to order our Lassis until midway through our second, and final, plates. As we were eating we noticed that the “band” was French. I don’t know if this is at all a relevant fact but it is a fact all the same. Because I tend to watch people, I noticed that as they went up to the buffet for their second plates, they took their first plates along. This is something I am NOT ok with, how incredibly unsanitary and gross. I kept looking at the owners expecting them to say something and being sad when nothing happened. Eventually the owner mentioned it to one person and he got a new plate but there were five others just piling it on.

Although Monica and I were utterly full, we would have liked the option to go back for one more spoonful of something incredibly delicious. Unfortunately, that was just not an option. The possibility of “band” germs was simply too great. We also noticed that there were a few other people who seemed to have adopted the “band” rule and were also not getting new plates. Did something happen where that became the norm? What is this world coming to?

Ashwanganda, Metal Fingers- This would be the most awesome video game music ever. Why did I not know that it existed on my iPod until now? I apparently have a good deal of Metal Fingers on my iPod. Who knew?

Bombs, The Impossible Shapes- I really like this band but I also really like actual impossible shapes. They are so fun to look at and seem utterly possible in some cases. Then you look closer, impossible.

Foxy Lady, Jimi Hendrix- Wayne’s World made it utterly impossible for me to even conceive of taking this song seriously. That is kind of too bad because it tends to rock.

ALL OVER THE PLACE POST

This morning everybody and their mama decided to take the red line. Thankfully, the trains ran just as well as they have been since Monday and I was still earlier than normal to work. This brings the question, how was the train slower when all tracks were open? Maybe because the CTA knows they are under close watch they are actually trying to do their jobs well and get people to work on time. What a novel concept.

Apparently coyotes are a problem in Chicago. I didn’t know this was an issue at all but one walked into a Quizno’s about four blocks from my office during the lunch hour yeaterday. That suddenly becomes an issue. This seems like the last area a coyote would be. I mean I know Millennium Park is right there but a coyote? Apparently it didn’t bother anyone, just chilled until the animal control people came to pick it up. They said they get a lot of coyotes this time of year. Who knew?

I had nothing to say today and then, while reading blogs, noticed CSG had tagged me with an alphabet meme. Then I realized I did this meme in January and that maybe I should come up with something else. I did. While watching On Demand music videos the other day I noticed this gem. It is Go Go Gadget Gospel, by Gnarls Barkley. This dynamic duo is awesome when it comes to videos. The Rorschach test video for Crazy had me mesmerized. Then the Gone Daddy Gone video with the band as disgusting bugs getting real intimate with the lady of the house had me in hysterics. Putting themselves in historic moments in Smiley Faces was also awesome and my description doesn't do it justice. Needless to say, I was excited for this video. When it started I was a little surprised, it looked just like a normal rap video. Then, the wonderful happened. I won’t spoil it for you, just watch and see for yourself. My only problem with it is the song, as great as it is, is so short. Which, I suppose, may make this video more interesting to those of you with little time.



1. What happened to/ The world we knew/ When we were dreaming, scheming/ Whiling the time away.

2. Megan/ She don’t eat bacon/ She never killed a sweet innocent little piggy to get bacon.

3. It's a hard world to get a break in/ All the good things have been taken/ But girl there are ways/ To make certain things pay. It's My Life, The Animals. Identified by Johnny Yen

4. Riding round town with all the windows down/ 8-track playing all your favorite sounds. Summer, War. Identified by Johnny Yen

5. I kept the right ones out/ And let the wrong ones in/ Had an angel of mercy to see me though all my sins. Amazing, Aerosmith. Identified by Monica

THE AWFUL MEDIA AND A NICE INTERVIEW

Why does the media insist on making my life horrible? I am usually ok with the media. Sometimes the media pisses me off but I understand it is a godless-lack-of-information-machine set to only deliver half the news. I am aware of this and accept it. However, when the media trespasses on my good fortune, I have serious problems.

Case in point, the current North Side expansion project on the CTA was blasted all over today’s Redeye paper. For the past month, we have been told that on April 2 the 2-year expansion project will start and it could as much as double commute times. People have been bombarded with messages to leave early, leave late, take alternate routes, etc.. I was not looking forward to this.

Yesterday morning I got up at my regular time and left at my regular time. I wanted to see how awful this expansion was and would then adjust accordingly if need be. I got to work 5 minutes earlier than normal. The train was far less crowded than usual (which doesn’t matter to me since I live far North enough to always get a seat) and people seemed calm and relaxed. On my way home I left at the normal time and arrived home about 10 minutes late due to some sitting, no biggie. The train was much less crowded and people seemed calm and relaxed. I thought the golden age of transit had arrived.

As you can tell, I did not post about this phenomenon yesterday. It would have fit in well with the whole branch theme (branches of transit) but I wanted to keep this glorious redline change a secret. I have a few readers in Chicago and, while I love you guys, I didn’t want this good news getting out. Selfish yes, stupid no.

This morning as I am taking my leisurely ride on my incredibly un-crowded train (it was a brown line car with fewer seats than the red line ones and nothing filled up until Sherridan) I began to read the red eye. There were two separate articles on how great the commute was on the train. Are they trying to ruin me? If people find out that the trains are great now they will stop taking alternate routes, leaving late, leaving early, and the commute times will double. It’s not smart to advertise things that will cause problems. I fully expect my 15 minute early arrival this morning (despite leaving at the normal time) to be my last. Tomorrow all those people who read the articles will be back on the trains and I will be late to work.

On a happier note, Sandra of Sunshine Scribe has been sending interview questions out to various bloggers and I wanted to post our interaction for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

1. What is the first concert you ever attended?
The first concert I was at was technically a Yanni concert. I don’t know why my parents were there. They generally have pretty good taste in music. I was a small baby and cried until they had to leave. The first concert I remember was an outdoor Stevie Wonder concert. That was really awesome.

2. If you were recouperating in a hospital, who would you want in the bed next to you, excluding your relatives?
It really depends on what I am recovering from. If it was a surgery on my abdomen I would need someone not very funny, if it was for any other reason I would need a funny person. Tony doesn't count because although he is not related, he is family. I would probably say Brooke, my partner in crime from the college days. She can make me laugh or talk about the deeper philosophies of life. she probably wouldn't make too much fun of me for being in the hospital, but she might. Not to mention she plays a mean Monopoly.

3. What is your least favourite word?
Being a lover of linguistic expression I honestly can’t say that I have a least favorite word. I think every word expresses something and was put into the language for a reason. Even the words that incite riots and wars are important to me. I may not say them, but every loaded word elicits some kind of emotion and that is what living and expressing yourself is all about. Part of what makes life so tragic and so beautiful are the bad things in it. We couldn't laugh without pain. Everything has its place.

4. For what do you think you would be willing to lay down your life?
My sister is the one thing that pops into my head immediately. I have a real protective thing with that girl and hate to see her in pain. While political causes and social justice are important to me, I think that I can effect more change in those areas alive than dead (at least in this day and age). My life is pretty darn important to a lot of people.

5. What reality TV show would you kick butt on?
America’s Next Top Short Plus-Sized Model. This show obviously doesn’t exist. I don’t think I would be all that good on any reality show. I tend to have a relatively dry sense of humor and I don’t know if it would really translate well to a wide audience. I also tend to be a jerk sometimes and it would probably get me kicked off pretty quick. Once this girl dragged me along to a casting for The Real World and they asked me what I would do when embarrassed and I said I didn’t get embarrassed (which at that point was actually kind of true I made a fool of myself often and didn’t much care) because nothing was that important. A girl next to me said something about walking into a wall in front of a cute boy. I said I would get over that (I had a big habit of doing stupid things in front of a particular “cute” boy who got less cute over time) and I was telling the truth. They thought I was no fun and I got no call back. Then again, I would assume few people do.

1. What happened to/ The world we knew/ When we were dreaming, scheming/ Whiling the time away.

2. Megan/ She don’t eat bacon/ She never killed a sweet innocent little piggy to get bacon.

3. And she was lying in the grass/ And she could hear the highway breathing/ and she could see a nearby factory/ she’s making sure she isn’t dreaming. And She Was, by Talking Heads. Identified by hospital buddy Brooke.

4. It's a hard world to get a break in/ All the good things have been taken/ But girl there are ways/ To make certain things pay

5. I’ve got a delicate mind/ I’ve got a dangerous nature/ And my fist collides/ With your furniture. Regrets, by The Eurythmics. Identified by Dad (much better than Yanni)

WE WIN IN LIFE CAUSE INDIANA IS A SHITHOLE

Before he finds out and accuses me of stealing his thunder yet again, Tony made the above statement not me. I just found it be funny cause it is true. As everyone probably knows, The Indianapolis Colts won the Super Bowl. If you happened to only watch the first quarter of the game this fact may surprise you. The bears came out looking good, until Grossman got on the field that is. Apparently a quarterback can be carried to the Superbowl by his team. But to win the game you need a quarterback who can carry a team, a la Manning. I really doubt anyone was truly surprised by the game yesterday. I know a big part of why I elected to watch at home vs. out with people was that I couldn’t handle the mass drunken depression that was likely to follow the game. Plus, at home I call yell things like “Run you bitch ass pansy losers,” without people thinking I am not supporting team, which I am. I’m just saying that they need a new quarterback and have needed one for some time. If they get a good one, or even a fair one, the team should be unstoppable.

From one depressing note to another, the cold that is happening today is simply ungodly. No one should be outside in weather like this, ever. I was hoping for Chicago Public Schools to be closed this morning because when they are closed so is my office. No such luck. I guess it has to be much colder. Now I realize that –6 isn’t that worst thing ever and many people are experiencing much worse but it’s freaking cold. My bedroom is the only room in my apartment without a radiator. Does that make any sense? The space heater that has worked so wonderfully in the past is now overworked and exhausted and the warm air that comes out is heavily mixed with cool air. Not so happy. I am thinking of sleeping in the bathtub tonight, that room gets really toasty. Typically, I don’t mind my 8-10 minute walk to the train but this morning I was not very happy about it. I had on two scarves, one under my coat and one over my coat. When I arrived at the train station I looked down to see that my outer scarf had a nice layer of frosty crystals on it. Yes people, my breath had frozen on my scarf. That should never happen.

Once I got on the train I thought things would be ok. They weren’t. The train kept stopping because the power would cut out. If you hadn’t guessed, no power means no heat. Sometimes, when the train was waiting for the power to get going the doors would remain open. Other things were affected by the cold as well. My bag and the cords on my headphones were unnaturally stiff and my pen didn’t work until I held it in my hands for some time. Oh the wonders of cold. Luckily, the train was exceptionally crowded and the body heat helped a little. However, I also happened to be sitting by the rudest people ever and they kept bumping me like mad. I’m not crazy, I expect a bump here and there on the train, but these people were all about invading my personal space and I am not cool with that.

The office is also exceptionally cold today. Many people still have outerwear on. I have the smaller of my scarves on still but it matches my outfit so that’s ok. I also have a particularly toasty office. Generally, this is a bad thing because it makes me want to get naked and I can’t. Today it is pleasant and I am content. Lots of people have been stopping by and getting very jealous. My computer (and those of a few others) is running incredibly sluggish. I am hoping that this post actually makes it online today. I am a little afraid that it won’t. If you are reading this it did. If you are reading this and it is Tuesday, things didn’t work out quite as I had planned (or maybe they did and you just didn't happen to read it on Monday).

Maybe some tunes will keep my mind of the frozen feeling in my toes.

1. She’s outta my life/ She’s outta my life/ And I don’t know whether to laugh or cry/ I don’t know whether to live or die.

2. I need time to scrounge the rent/ Need time to contemplate the accident/ I got to drag my ass to now/ How did I come to stop here? Maybe I'll Come Down, Soul Coughing. Identified by Brooke.

3. Could be/ Who Knows/ There’s something do any day/ I will know right away/ Soon as it shows. Something's Coming, West Side Story. Identified by JaneyLynne and Mom.

4. Particle Man/ Particle Man/ Doing the things a particle can. Particle Man, They Might Be Giants. Identified by Eve and CSMC and Mom.

5. Please allow me to introduce myself/ I’m a man of wealth and taste. Sympathy For The Devil, Rolling Stones. Identified by JaneyLynneand Mom.

EVERYTHING RIDES THE TRAIN

I am back at work today. I will only be here half a day tomorrow because I am taking the National Customer Service test in the morning and then have my follow-up Dr appt in the afternoon. This means that after I take the test on Wednesday I have Thursday, Friday, and Monday to rework the curriculum before class on Tuesday. This would seem like a daunting but doable task. However, I realize that I will be doing no work on Thursday because it is out Annual Recognition Luncheon at work where we all get together and sit and eat and people who have been success stories through my work speak. It is a day of tears always. I think they purposely pick people to speak that will elicit tears from as many people as possible because it helps the cause. Everyone loves a hard-luck story gone right. The mayor is coming. That is funny to me. The point is I only really have two days to rework my curriculum and I will be damned if I take work home with me. We’ll see how much gets done.

I mentioned seeing stars and vortexes in my last post. This morning when I got on the train I momentarily thought I had graduated into full-fledged hallucinations. Why did I think this? Because as I went to sit down in my seat I saw something moving by my feet and as I looked down my eyes recognized it to be a pigeon. I have seen some strange things on the train before but this was insane. The fact that there was a pigeon politely walking up and down the aisles just as calmly as could be was odd enough, but the fact that no one but me seemed to notice or care was what had me thinking that I must be seeing things. So I didn’t sit in the seat all by myself that I really wanted to be in, I moved away from where the pigeon was.

Now, I get on the train at a time when it is relatively empty because I am close to the end of the line. I was on a little earlier train than normal so there were only about ten people on the car. However, wouldn’t they be a little on edge knowing a pigeon was also riding the train? See my fear was that something would startle the thing and it would start flying about and run itself into windows and then freak out more and hit people on the head and cause a general ruckus. I was eying that thing for any slight movement and expected that everyone else would do the same. So as I am sitting in utter paranoia, the pigeon starts coming closer and closer to the populated area of the train so I politely get up and move to the one seater in the back where I had wanted to sit in the first place. I still kept an eye on that bird. Occasionally someone else would look up and notice it but then go back to what they were doing. I was planning to run back and forth on that car avoiding the pigeon, which of course would be likely to incite the thing to fly but we will ignore that fact. I just was scared. Once stop passed and the bird did nothing. I contemplated getting up and going to the other side of the train by the intercom to let the driver know that he needed to stop at the next stop until the bird flew off the train. However, that would involve me crossing the pigeon’s path and I was not having it. Luckily, at the next stop the thing flew out the door at the last possible second. I was quite relieved.

It is almost 4. I want to go home and pass out I am so exhausted. I think that I will make it through this last hour. Maybe I’ll just try to go through the piles of paper on my desk that make no sense to me. I have to find some papers in the pile anyway. Let’s shuffle it out.

House of Jealous Lovers, The Rapture- This song starts off sounding like some crazy house music form the old days of house. The next thing you know someone is screaming in your ear like an odd mix of PJ Harvey and Perry Ferrell. It’s pretty good.

Tainted Love, Soft Cell- Nothing bad can be said of this song. Everyone knows it and everyone should love it. I think that maybe I have met some people who don’t love it but I think they are probably insane. I mean sure, it’s overplayed and what else did Soft Cell ever do but can you help but tap your feet? I can’t.

Writing to Reach You, Travis- I had a friend who convinced me that the album The Man Who by Travis was a really good album. For a while I believed this to be true. I don’t really anymore. It’s not awful, just really common sounding. At the same time I kind of enjoy it once in a while. I never claimed to only like fantastic non-derivative music. At least this is one of the better songs on the album. I do like their Baby One More Time cover. I like any version of that song. I am sick and have a problem.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND

So the election thing made me really happy. Rumsfeld resigning made me really happy. Now, if we can only get rid of Bush…. Who is excited for the Comedy Central news shows tonight? It’s me!!!! Man those shows are going to be hilarious. Rather than continuing in this excited election train of thought, I am going to talk about some things that I just don’t understand.

Yesterday when voting the lady gave me a hard time because the signature I signed didn’t look enough like the one on the paper she had. Now, maybe it is just me, but sometimes signatures come out a little differently (particularly when you have a momentary brain fart like I did) and I told her as much (politely of course). She told me I should really be careful of that because it could get me into trouble. Did I mention that she had already checked my ID? They just don’t want to let a sister vote. Then when I left she accused me of stealing the pen. Bitch, just cause you didn’t see me put the pen down doesn’t mean I didn’t. I don’t want your funky voting pen anyway. I want people to use the stupid thing to vote. Who do you think I am? I didn’t understand.

This morning on the train was a disgusting and somehow not at all malodorous mess under one of the seats. It appeared to be vomit. Since I get on the train very close to the northernmost stop, I had a long time to sit and watch people get really excited about an open seat and then shrink in horror when they looked and saw the mess. As the mess was on the floor below the inside seat, a few people were brave enough to sit in the outside seat but then moved if another seat became available. Finally, about a stop before I was going to get off a bubbly group of apparently High School girls teemed onto the train and one promptly sat down in that seat despite all the cries of “SOMEONE VOMITED THERE!!!!!” from other passengers. She simply looked down and shrugged. There had to be vomit on her shoes and she just shrugged and continued to sit. There was no jump up in horror, no loud shriek of disgust, not even a hang of the head in shame. I didn’t understand.

Then I got to work. The new person in my department is starting Monday and that means I have to get out of my desk and go to my big grownup office. So I talked to the person who wants the big empty office and said she needed to move into it or I would. We asked the boss about it. He said we had to wait until Monday when the programming director comes back. I don’t know why it is hard for us to move offices but it appears to be. I don’t understand.

What I do understand is how much fun it is to hang out with Dave E Wo, make pizza, play cribbage and rummy, and watch TV. That’s how you have a good time.

You also have a good time listening to music. I’m not picking songs anymore because it is far too easy. Back to shuffle we go.

1. Sleepwalking through the all night drugstore, baptized in fluorescent light. Superhero, Ani Difranco. Identified by Brooke.

2. Hey boy take a look at me, let me dirty up your mind. Queer, Garbage. Identified by Brooke.

3. Get out of the car, put down the phone, take off that stupid looking hat you wear.

4. People say I’m the life of the party cause I tell a joke or two. Tracks Of My Tears, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. Identidied by Dad.

A SPOOKY DAY

Today is Friday the 13th and it started out bad. I remember the alarm going off and Tony getting up to hit snooze like usually happens in the morning. However, the alarm did not go off again. I woke up at ten to eight (we have to leave by eight to be on time) and started to freak out. See this is Tony’s last day of school and he has his final this morning. The thing is that the alarm is still set and on. It isn’t set for PM, it isn’t almost all the way on, and it was set just as it should be to go off. After a series of forgetting things and having to go back to the house, we make it on the train at about eight thirty. Since I haven’t heard from Tony at this point, I am guessing that he was let into his test and all is well. Two people from school called him while we were on the train and he told them he was on his way so maybe he was expected.

So I get off the train at six after nine. Now how did I get on the train about twenty minutes after I usually do and get off it about ten minutes after I usually do? Time warp anyone? Actually I have found that the later you get on the train the emptier it is and the faster it moves. It almost makes sense to leave late on purpose. However, if I try that, I end up truly twenty minutes late. It makes no sense. Next strange thing, I get a real check at work. Somehow I got deleted from the payroll and therefore my direct deposit didn’t go through and I have to go to the bank. Not really a big deal but still, strange.

I am trying to think of things to do to celebrate with Tony for his finishing school. I mean he technically isn’t done until he finishes his externship hours but I am still really excited for him. He is planning to go out for one or two drinks with classmates after school and then we are going to do something fun. We wanted to see factotum but it isn’t playing anywhere. I wonder if we missed it or if it hasn’t gotten here yet. I am leaning toward we missed it. Then we thought about playing mini-golf. We really like mini-golf. We only played it once together and it was in the basement of this strange mall in Roseville MN and it was the crappiest course you have ever seen. There were small children running everywhere and no cool windmills or real obstacles but we still had fun. Half of it was under black lights. Glowing is cool. So we found a place and then remembered that it is now cold. Maybe it won’t be such a good idea. Maybe we will have a few drinks first and convince ourselves that it is warm enough to play. If anyone has ideas of what we should do that is fun and not very expensive you should tell me.

I am really looking forward to this weekend. I don’t have plans or anything; I am just really looking forward to it. I guess I plan to do the same thing I do every weekend. Lay around with Tony and relax. It was a hard week. I don’t really know why it was hard but it was. Something keeps biting me. I thought it had stopped after the 10 leg bites I got last Wednesday night but apparently it has struck again. I am bit in the middle of my hand. I wish it would bite Tony. I understand that I am yummier and all but it isn’t fair. I have no idea the type of creature that is biting me. I have looked all over the bed area and have found no signs of creatures. Maybe aliens are attacking me? I am tired. Since I slept well and am now tired, aliens are a good bet.

I just got a text from Tony; they let him take his test. I am very glad about that. So glad, in fact, that I want to sing. That means it’s song time.

1. Wait until the war is over. And we’re both a little older

2. Don’t fall in love with me yet we only recently met. True I’m in love with you but you might decide I’m a nut

3. In a forest pitch dark grows the tiniest spark it bursts into a flame like me like me

4. What’s with these homies dissin’ my girl? Why do they gotta front? Obviously this is Buddy Holly by Weezer and was identified by Monica

5. On a beach tree rudely carved NC and me why did she do it was she scared was she bored. We Rule the School, Belle and Sebastian. Identified by Monica

PROBLEMS WITH THE TRAINS

So remember yesterday how I was all delayed on the train? Today I found out that there had been a gap in the rail on one of the other lines. I am very glad I wasn’t on that line and that they got the problem fixed. Apparently, yesterday was just a very bad day for trains in Chicago in general. Before my delay some electricity went out on the brown/purple line track and they had to get workers out there to hold up signs for the train conductors. That is super special. Then, Tony got stuck on the trains later in the day because apparently someone launched herself in front of the brown line.

I am going to be a very mean person for a paragraph or so here, consider yourself warned. Suicide is always a selfish act in my opinion. Only someone incredibly self-centered would take themselves out and leave such a mess for their friends and families. However, suicide by public transportation is a whole different kind of selfish. You know that it will hold up the lines and keep people from getting where they need to go. Your death could cause someone to be late to the job interview of their life and change their path forever, possibly resulting in another suicide down the road. Maybe someone was on their way to the hospital for the birth of their child. I don’t know why they wouldn’t opt for a cab in that case but maybe they just didn’t have cab money. Is your death so important that keeping someone from the start of their child’s life is ok? Then think of the train conductor. They have to live the rest of their lives knowing they ran someone over. Even if that conductor were me (and hopefully whoever was driving isn't quite as callous as I am), I would feel bad (on top of being really mad at them for taking my time and making me have to write up some sort of accident report) about driving that train and may have to quit my job.

Then, on the generally uneventful Metra, some unassuming Police officer was shot and killed in his squad car. It actually happened at my co-worker’s stop right around the time she was getting off the train. She saw the guy’s car in a parking lot across the street with the lights on. I guess he patrols from there sometime. However, these people said they noticed him in his car and reported it, which she says is crazy. As his car was parked in an empty lot across the street from anything and it was dark, how did these people see into his car, past the beams of the headlights, and notice he was slumped over. So the question is, why were they close enough to see?

Huh, this has been an utterly depressing post. As a transition between this horrid stuff and the wonderful music that I enjoy so much I will give you one of the cleverest misheard lyrics I have come across in a while. “Lady Elaine, lay across my big brass bed,” for those of you who don’t know the lyric is “Lay lady lay, lay across my big brass bed,’ and Lady Elaine is a very strange, and rather unattractive, puppet from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Why anyone would want her laying across their bed is a total mystery to me.

Yesterday people guessed almost all my songs. I was very impressed. Then again, as I said, those songs were pretty easy. We have one left and anyone who hung out with me in 8th grade should know it. I don't think many people in that category read this though. Four new songs will follow.

1. This pig harassed the whole neighborhood. Well this pig worked at the station. This pig he killed my homeboy so the fucking pig went on a vacation. Pigs, Cypress Hill. Partially identified by Monica and fully identified by an unknown person.

2. It’s a still-life watercolor of a now late afternoon, as the sun shines thought the curtain lace and shadows wash the room. The Dangling Conversation, Simon and Garfunkel. Identified by (I called it again) Mom.

3. When I had you to myself I didn’t want you around. Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd. I Want You Back, Jackson 5 (certainly not Puff Daddy) identified by a different unknown person.

4. I am walking out in the rain and I am listening to the low moan of the dial-tone again and I am getting nowhere with you and I can’t let it go and I can’t get through. Both Hands, Ani DiFranco. Identified by (who called it) Brooke.

5. Monday morning wake up knowing that you’ve got to go to school. Tell your mom what to expect she says it’s right out of the blue. Expectations, Belle and Sebastian. Identified by (3 of 4 ain't bad)Monica

Damn, this shit is easy too. Well maybe not quite as easy as the last group but there are some readers out there who I know are perfectly aware of what those last four songs are. Like I can almost promise that my Mom knows 2 and maybe 3, Monica has 3 and 5 (unless Jaclyn gets 5 first), and Brooke has 4. I suppose I could be wrong though.

THE END IS NEAR

Not the end of anything important don't anyone worry, just the end of this horrible "two-week" interim job that I have been doing since July 1. I was told on Friday that the new Volunteer Services Director would b starting Sept 1. In my utter excitement I didn't ask if that was the real Sept 1 being Friday or the fake Sept 1 being Tuesday the 5th. I hope it is on Friday. If this new person comes in on Friday I will be able to train them Fri, Tues, and if need be Wed next week and then I will be done. I will be on vacation Thursday and Friday, which is nice because I can "relax" before starting my real job as the Customized Training Coordinator. I think that is an awesome title. I was going to be the Customized Training Instructor (nowhere near as cool) but since my last title had coordinator in it I petitioned to have the new one include that as well. I mean I didn't want to look demoted. In case I change my mind about being an English Teacher (which I won't) I can be a training person in some fab clothing store. They make really good money.

Anyway, enough about that. My shirt is dirty. I thought I looked really cute today (and I do) but I recently discovered my shirt is dirty. Not just a little dirty, really really dirty. I removed my jacket when I went to the bathroom (I just think it is not right to pee in a blazer, sweater, etc. Sorry if that is too much information) and while washing my hands looked in the mirror at a horribly dirty shirt. I picked it out of my closet this morning. I am NOT in the habit of putting dirty clothes in the closet, so I assumed it was fine. I generally take about 1-3 minutes getting dressed in the morning. If I go over 1 minute it is because I can't find something. I am really good at getting ready to leave the house. I typically take 30 min from bed to door. So my white shirt has all kinds of dirty places on it. I don't think people will really notice since my jacket is back on, but I know. I don't even know if this shirt can make it to clean again. Maybe that is what happened. I washed it but something horrible had occurred and it was just more than the detergent could handle. I then put it in the closet assuming it was clean. Boo me. I like this shirt too. I hope it can be saved. I just went outside with a co-worker for a smoke and it is a torrential downpour. I am drenched. I have to teach a class in 30 minutes. I want to take off my soaked jacket. My shirt is dirty.

This morning on the train I saw the lady. She saw me coming and gave me a bad look. I was with Tony so she was not in danger. I did catch her steal another evil look at me once she had got settled in the single seat. Now why would she do that? I was so obviously not paying her any mind. Maybe she noticed me nudging Tony and saying that’s her that’s her and pointing at her with my umbrella. Maybe she heard Tony call her a nasty name. All I know is that she sucks.

This weekend I had planned to make a fort. You know, with sheets and chairs and stuff. It was going to go over my couch and provide a wonderful place to hide. I like to be covered. I constructed canopies over my beds in my dorm rooms Jr. and Sr. year. I really liked the one from Jr. year but all my friends disrespected it and sat on it so it became very busted. I still love you though guys. The one Sr. year did not hang down to the bed so it never fell down. The evil fire hazard people made me take it down along with the beaded curtain going into our alcove, the black paper on the walls and the wonderful “Wall o’ Heath”. Tragic.

I want to briefly talk Emmy's. I don't really care about most of it. I like to see the dresses. I was, as I expected to be, disappointed. Jeremy Piven got what he deserved with Entourage (sorry Friend Monica I know you are anti but you have to give it up for Ari Gold). I think that was all that was really well deserved. Oh and Mariska Hargitay for SVU. I love that show. Alan Alda is cool so I can’t begrudge him. Or the Daily Show although I would have liked to see it go to Colbert because I have a crush on him weird ear and all. Now for the tragedy, AMAZING RACE???? Does anyone even watch that show? It beat Project Runway. Everyone knows Project Runway is the greatest reality show ever created. Now while I can deal with Colbert losing to Stewart I cannot abide him losing to Barry Manilow. That made me want to puke. Manilow is not sexy. Most people will tell me that Stephen Colbert is also not sexy. They are wrong.

As homage to Stephen I hope some glorious songs come on today

No Surprises, Radiohead- well as I mentioned there were a lot of surprises for Stephen, like people think Barry Manilow deserves an award and he doesn't. This song is made just for him and those bruises that won't heal.

Gypsy, Stevie Nicks- This song sucks. I don't have any idea why it is on my iPod. One thing that I don't like about the iPod is that you can't delete songs unless it is attached to the computer. I don't know why I have this song. I don't think Monica would have put it on my computer and I am sure Tony didn't and I am pretty sure I didn't. I have a gremlin putting horrible music on my computer.

Beef Jerky, Cibo Matto- I have nothing but good things to say about this band. This song is almost as funny as "I'm Sorry That I Got Fat"

I WON

Ok, first order of business today is that I won the Train War and, Man, was that lady pissed. See I am always there before her, and I slid slightly to the left like I planned to. I was perfectly positioned for the train door. I saw her slinky little shadow behind me trying to edge in from the right (she was really trying) but I stood my ground and claimed my space and easily sauntered straight back to the one seater. She have me a really evil look and I gave her a very smug one. Part of me believes that whoever has been standing on the platform longer should technically get their pick of the train. I know this never happens and I often get right in front of people who I know have been there longer but in her case she should yield to me. When someone eventually sat next to her she looked even more pissed. It was not a nasty person whatsoever, he was very clean cut and seemed to keep to his side of the seat. She, however, kept looking him up and down like a hungry lion. Wouldn’t it be funny if she were out there somewhere blogging about how I stole her seat? That would really make me smile.

Second order of business for today is the “Lunch n’ Learn”. How cute is that? It means just what it says, people have lunch and someone learns em. Today the one learnin’ em will be me. I can’t believe I am still in this stupid job I was supposed to have temporarily for two weeks. So I am going to speak to the “Women’s Development Council” at an Insurance company about how they can get involved. YIPPIE! I hate things like this. I would rather be lunchin’ than learnin’. I am not really the hugest fan of speaking in front of large groups. I do, however really want to be a teacher. I don’t see them as the same thing though. I love teaching the youth. I do not want to learn the Women’s Development Council. A room full of suits looking for ways to give back to the community kind of makes me ill. I mean it shouldn’t because maybe a few of them genuinely care and want to give back to the community but really, does anyone think they do it because they really want to? Isn’t it more that they do it because they sound cool talking to their friends about how they help the low-income youth? I find it very ironic that while 98% of our volunteers work somewhere that has entry-level jobs like the mailroom, receptionist, etc, that they do not hire our youth. Something is incongruous there don’t you think? They will give them practice, tell me how great they all are, even raise money for them, but they don’t seem to want them working for their company. Oh well. I spent an hour yesterday sticking little labels with my name on the old Volunteer Services Directors business cards so that I could pass something out to these ladies. It is so ghetto. I mean I understand that temporary people at a non-profit don’t get business cards but then you shouldn’t expect me to go do Lunch n’ Learns.

Final order of business for today, being that it is Thursday, is Project Runway. Yesterday’s episode was a true bummer for me. I want to punch Laura in the face. Granted she makes ok things, but how many of the same dress is she going to make and have the judges love it? She is one smug bitch. Then, as much as I ADORE Michael, Jeffrey’s outfit was volumes better. I mean he was the only one whose dress moved like it wasn’t made out of garbage. Oh, the challenge was to make dresses out of garbage by the way. Then to kick off poor Allison sucked. There was really no other option, at this point everyone is good and I like all of them, except Laura who was certainly not getting kicked off yesterday. It was between Allison and Vincent. I LOVE Vincent. He is neurotic, insane, and designs odd things but I love him because he entertains me. Is he a better designer than Allison? Yesterday he was. In general, probably not so much.

Oh, I guess there is one more order of business, the shuffle game.

Get Crunked (Chopped & Screwed), Lil’ Flip- Ok Chopped and Screwed music is a weakness of mine. I find it utterly ridiculous. Music made in particular for people who are high on cough syrup is a concept too genius to ignore. Plus, lines like “She a HOHOHO He a HOHOHO buck buck she a HOHOHO” is priceless. Sometimes I like to get the regular version of a song and the chopped and screwed version and compare them. My favorite instance of this is Big Moe’s Barre Baby. After listening to the Chopped & Screwed version the regular one sounds like it is sung by Alvin, Simon, and Theodore

Guilty Conscience, Eminem- Sophomore year all over again. Eminem, Friend, Jackie, and the gravity bong. UH OH. I shouldn’t be posting such things. Oh well, that was all in the past.

Boom Boom, The Yardbirds- To round off a day of particularly crappy music I am glad something like this came on. The Yardbirds RULE. It’s all bluesy and British and FAB. I dig baby, dig.

Ok this was so "relevant" that I had to log on post Lunch n' Learn. While I was speaking this lady took a sandwich out of a bag to eat for lunch. It was a perfectly packaged sandwich. She had bread and meats like most sandwiches but atop the bread she had layered two lettuce, tomato, lettuce stacks that she then slid into each half of her sandwich. Why had I never thought of that? Kudos to that lady!

TRAIN WARS

I am at war with this mid 40s woman. She is a train bogart. Yesterday I was standing in my normal spot at the train stop. This spot generally allows me to be the first one on the train and, therefore, get one of those single person seats in the back of the car. On days when Tony and I don't go downtown together it's the only way to ride. So yesterday (maybe this is another reason why yesterday was a bad day) this little woman stands directly in front of me and takes my seat! What the fuck? I mean I know people stand close to one another when the train platform is full and all but it wasn't. She just really wanted the single seat too. Then today she shows up again. Instead of being right in front of me, she was so close to my side I swear she wanted to grab my ass or something. She kept looking at me all mean. As the train came up I walked toward the door and I was right in front. Somehow, out of nowhere, she was suddenly in front of me again and took the damn seat. I wanted to whup this bitch's ass. I wanted to whup it more yesterday when I as having a particularly bad day and the thought of sitting next to anyone made me want to vomit. However, the repetition and apparent teleporting of today was also particularly heinous. I think that her standing spot is slightly to the left of mine. I'm gonna stand there on Monday and glare at her. Then again, Tony will be going to school on Monday so it will be a non-issue. Damn, I kinda was looking forward to it. I like to have wars and battles with people when they don't know. Yet, I think this woman might know. She is serious business.

So maybe today is also a bad day. Last night Tyveculus was kicked off Superheroes, which sent Fat Mama into hysterics and caused some serious pondering by Major Victory. I think Major Victory had a serious man crush on Tyveculus. Although he was not my favorite I was sad to see him go. He really wanted to prove to his 3 sons' that he was a real hero (like having a dad who is a firefighter isn't cool enough for 3 little boys). Plus it was bogus, Stan wanted them all to say they would kick themselves off the show but everyone knows they were all lying and just wanted to do the right thing. Personally, I think it took far more courage to single someone else out to go home but oh well. I suppose self-sacrifice is an important trait for a hero and all. Wow I watch too much TV. When I got to work today was going to be super easy. I had more volunteers scheduled than I needed and I didn't have too much else to do but write. Then, 3 of the 4 volunteers I had scheduled to come in and interview the youth had to cancel. They all had legitimate reasons; I didn't feel like anyone was trying to cut class on me or anything but it sucked. Things did work out smoothly though so I guess it isn't that bad of a day. Plus it is Friday.

I match too much today. That is a little bit of a problem. I have an aqua sweater, brown pants, and aqua brown and white shoes. My socks are yellow and do NOT match the rest of my outfit but no one can see my socks because my pants are long because I am short. It seemed easy when I got dressed in the dark this morning. I knew it wouldn't clash. Lakeyia told me that since the shoes have white in them I don't match TOO much and should relax. This is one of the few moments I am glad Monica lives in NY.

This is the time on Blog-o-mine where we listen

To Your Love, Fiona Apple- Ok this certainly is an embarrassing one. It makes me think of Jayme Valdez. I wonder what she is doing these days. As far as I know no one has really heard from her. I hope she is ok. I maybe should pull a Monica and put her name in my blog over and over in hopes that she would Google herself JAYME VALDEZ JAYME VALDEZ JAYME VALDEZ. When I Google myself nothing about me comes up whatsoever. Maybe I should put my name in too Natalie Daniels Natalie Daniels Natalie Daniels. Man I am a freak.

Welcome to the Terrordome, Public Enemy- I really love the old school west coast beats, horns, and other funky thingies. It makes me want to watch Fear of a Black Hat. Too bad my copy sucks. As much as I love that film I would feel really silly purchasing it in 2006. My dad has the soundtrack; maybe I should put that in my ipod.

King Herod's Song- Andrew Lloyd Webber- Ok this is the song that should have come on yesterday to make me happy. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love musicals. They also know about the strong fondness I have for Jesus Christ Superstar. That Judas just rocks! Jesus sounds kind of shrill and a little whiney but he still rocks. While JCS s not my absolute favorite musical it does have the best soundtrack. For pure cinematic pleasure I’ll have to go with Fiddler on the Roof, My Fair Lady, and Oliver! probably in that order. However, I don't blast Sunrise Sunset on the morning commute. However, this song in particular calls up recollections of kick lines and fantastic dances. Oh boy do I want to get up and do a jig. My feet were going like crazy under the desk. At times like this I am glad I have an office all to myself. Other times I get very lonely but this time it’s a good thing.

TODAY IS A BAD DAY

Today while the volunteers I schedule were interviewing the people in the employment program that goes on here I wrote the first verse of "Today is a Bad Day" an obvious parody of "Today was a Good Day". I thought about posting it but it sucks too much and is utterly pathetic. I am trying to think of things about today that are good and all I can come up with is tomorrow is Friday and that really isn't exciting to me right now. You know you aren't having a good day when Friday doesn't matter. I have been up since 4am and feel like hell. The weather is shitty and looks like tornados. Bradley of the fantastic one-liners will no longer be seen on Project Runway. My nice TV doesn't work right. Some guy almost pushed me off the train platform running to catch the train (well that was yesterday) and he fell down right when he got by the train door so I guess that is actually really funny. It doesn't change that this day really fucking sucks. Even the thought of Superheroes doesn't make me happy. I spent this morning listening to Boys For Pele and if you know the album it doesn't need to be explained. If you don't know it, I'm not going to explain.

Maybe the shuffle game will force me to listen to something happy.

Home Computer, Kraftwerk- Now if Pocket Calculator had come on I would have cracked a smile. I am almost smiling at the thought of pocket calculator. This song, however, has a rather dull and depressing beat and talks about them beaming themselves into the future. I would like to do that, hopefully by the future everything will be nice and normal or else terrorists will have blown us all up and it won't matter.

One Line, PJ Harvey- This simply doesn’t help one bit. It’s a really good song though.

As If You Read My Mind, Stevie Wonder- Damn this is even a really happy song. I'm still having a really bad day. In fact it's so happy I don't know if I can even listen to the whole stupid song.

BLAH