It's election day. I got up an hour early to vote and beat the crowds. My polling place was so empty I almost thought they moved it and didn't let anyone know. Needless to say I arrived at work an hour early, so I get to go home an hour early. That's nice. I have contemplated going to the big Downtown Chicago secondary rally. Tickets to the main one in Grant Park were gone within 5 minutes and I just missed it. A friend is having a party but I'm not sure I want to be there. I think I either want to be at the huge thing or home mostly or completely alone. I predict many tears and I would rather cry in a huge crowd or at home.
My stomach is in knots and will be for the rest of the day. Luckily I have a relatively busy day at the office so I am hoping that I won't be thinking of the election too much. I am hoping wrong. I know that I should be more confident than I am in the outcome but I'm just not. The first presidential election I voted in was 2000 and I was pretty confident of the outcome then. Look how that one turned out.
Hope everyone is out there voting!
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Vacation Part 1
So I am back in the real world after 12 days of no alarms, very little required things to do, and lots of hanging out in bathrobes. Needless to say I am somewhat sad to have returned.
We flew into the Seattle/Tacoma airport on Saturday the 4th and had a very uneventful trip, rented a car and got on our way. We headed to the Seattle to get on the Bainbridge island Ferry. My impression of Seattle was, WOW. Hills. Kind of scary to drive down a hill and not be able to see the bottom. That’s about all we saw of Seattle though. We get a glimpse of the space needle from the plane and from the ferry deck and I feel that legitimized the trip. We drove off the ferry directly onto the road we needed to be on and followed the directions to the best grocery store ever. Oh, Central Market, Poulsbo. How I miss you. I never expected to find a 24hr grocery store filled with tons of gourmet produce and the biggest selection of vegetarian meat type products I have ever seen in the middle of nowhere Washington but I did. We walked in to a cart of fresh chanterelles and lobster mushrooms. I knew that I would be making a mushroom alfredo at some point during our trip. We stocked up and headed out to the Maplebrook Retreat.
The directions we had were a little…confusing. We spent a VERY long time looking for Front Street and never found it. We even stopped and asked someone where it was, they seemed to know exactly but their directions didn't help us much either. I think it’s a fake name. We started to think that maybe this place did not really exist and that some people made a website to direct unsuspecting people to the middle of the woods and kill them, or simply to take their money for a nonexistent property. We soon found the street after Front Street on our list of directions and took that, hoping that we weren’t heading to our deaths.
The next direction told us to look for an old bus stop around mile marker 2 with some mailboxes in front of it and turn onto the dirt road. I’m a city girl. To me a bus stop has a bench, a sign, and maybe a little enclosure to shield you from the elements. We drove and drove on a barely lit 2 lane highway at speeds of 50mph so as not to get hit by cars around us looking for a bus stop. We found mile marker 2 but no bus stop. We found the street that let us know we had gone too far and needed to turn around. We drove back and forth between mile marker 2 and the street that was too far for a while. There were a couple of dirt roads with mailboxes but no bus stops.
“There it is!” Tony shouted, and pointed to a small shack. “What do you mean?” I replied. I saw nothing resembling a bus stop. He explained that there was an old warming house for kids to wait for a school bus and I was passing it. I supposed he was right and we turned around to turn up that proper dirt road and look for the property. I turned on the brights (or held them on because I couldn’t figure out how to make them stay on) and we looked for our property number. We were still terrified. It was a scary place. We found the property number and turned up the drive.
As soon as we made the turn we were greeted with small lights leading up a winding drive to a very well lit cabin. The thoughts of death started to abate. As we pulled in fully we saw a covered, and well lit, hot tub beckoning us. We opened the door and were greeted with dim lighting, soft music, and wonderful smelling candles. We walked through the cabin and found the most luxurious bedroom, opened the closet to find cushy wonderful bathrobes, and quickly decided that we were certainly not going to die and were instead going to have a wonderful time.
We flew into the Seattle/Tacoma airport on Saturday the 4th and had a very uneventful trip, rented a car and got on our way. We headed to the Seattle to get on the Bainbridge island Ferry. My impression of Seattle was, WOW. Hills. Kind of scary to drive down a hill and not be able to see the bottom. That’s about all we saw of Seattle though. We get a glimpse of the space needle from the plane and from the ferry deck and I feel that legitimized the trip. We drove off the ferry directly onto the road we needed to be on and followed the directions to the best grocery store ever. Oh, Central Market, Poulsbo. How I miss you. I never expected to find a 24hr grocery store filled with tons of gourmet produce and the biggest selection of vegetarian meat type products I have ever seen in the middle of nowhere Washington but I did. We walked in to a cart of fresh chanterelles and lobster mushrooms. I knew that I would be making a mushroom alfredo at some point during our trip. We stocked up and headed out to the Maplebrook Retreat.
The directions we had were a little…confusing. We spent a VERY long time looking for Front Street and never found it. We even stopped and asked someone where it was, they seemed to know exactly but their directions didn't help us much either. I think it’s a fake name. We started to think that maybe this place did not really exist and that some people made a website to direct unsuspecting people to the middle of the woods and kill them, or simply to take their money for a nonexistent property. We soon found the street after Front Street on our list of directions and took that, hoping that we weren’t heading to our deaths.
The next direction told us to look for an old bus stop around mile marker 2 with some mailboxes in front of it and turn onto the dirt road. I’m a city girl. To me a bus stop has a bench, a sign, and maybe a little enclosure to shield you from the elements. We drove and drove on a barely lit 2 lane highway at speeds of 50mph so as not to get hit by cars around us looking for a bus stop. We found mile marker 2 but no bus stop. We found the street that let us know we had gone too far and needed to turn around. We drove back and forth between mile marker 2 and the street that was too far for a while. There were a couple of dirt roads with mailboxes but no bus stops.
“There it is!” Tony shouted, and pointed to a small shack. “What do you mean?” I replied. I saw nothing resembling a bus stop. He explained that there was an old warming house for kids to wait for a school bus and I was passing it. I supposed he was right and we turned around to turn up that proper dirt road and look for the property. I turned on the brights (or held them on because I couldn’t figure out how to make them stay on) and we looked for our property number. We were still terrified. It was a scary place. We found the property number and turned up the drive.
As soon as we made the turn we were greeted with small lights leading up a winding drive to a very well lit cabin. The thoughts of death started to abate. As we pulled in fully we saw a covered, and well lit, hot tub beckoning us. We opened the door and were greeted with dim lighting, soft music, and wonderful smelling candles. We walked through the cabin and found the most luxurious bedroom, opened the closet to find cushy wonderful bathrobes, and quickly decided that we were certainly not going to die and were instead going to have a wonderful time.
In the day, everything was much, much, less scary. 
Thursday, April 24, 2008
THE IMPLICATIONS ARE STAGGERING
An old professor of mine sent me an email talking about some legislation that just passed the appropriations committee and is headed to the full House in Arizona called measure SB1108. It would ban public schools from teaching materials that "overtly encourage dissent" in regard to core American values. Another piece would bar teachings, or organizations affiliated with public schools, community colleges, or public universities that are "based in whole or in part on race-based criteria," I find this incredibly terrifying.
From what I have read in the emails that have been going back and forth as well as this article, the target appears to be a La Raza studies program that focuses on cultural history and instilment of pride in that history. Some of the texts used in the program have rubbed people the wrong way.
It is one thing to complain about a text or two used in a program and maybe even talk to the school to get those texts removed or to choose laternate texts. I’m not saying I think this is necessary in this case because I don’t have all the information, I haven’t read the texts, I don’t know about the student organization mentioned, and so I honestly can’t comment on their ethos. However, I certainly can comment on the implications that type of legislation could have statewide.
Imagine a world where the only culture allowed to be taught is the dominant culture. How fundamentally un-American is that? While the article states that teaching about cultures would be acceptable, “race-based” classes would not. I can just see Asian Studies, Diaspora Studies, Chicano Studies, etc. disappearing from Arizona’s public universities and it makes me want to cry.
The language is so vague. I think if you asked ten people what it means to "overtly encourage dissent" from the values of American democracy and Western civilization you would get ten different answers. Debates could come to a raging halt. Any sentiment of radical change or even not so radical change could be squashed out of the brains of many children and young adults. People could essentially be taught that everything single thing about America is right and good and I am certain that type of thinking will only do our country harm.
Since Mom guessed all the songs yesterday here are five new ones
1. Horses in my dreams/ Like waves like the sea/ They pull out of here/ They pull they are free
2. Oh here we go again/ It’s time for the same arguments about/ About that and a little bit of this
3. Moon Sammy walks/ Across the floor/ Below the floor/ There is a wall. Moon Sammy, Soul Coughing. Identified by Mom.
4. When apple leaves fall/ You may feel something in your mind’s eye/ When the earth drinks in squall/ You may plan to escape on the sly. Apple, Cibo Matto. Identified by Jamie
5. It’s coming on Christmas/ They’re cutting down trees/ They’re putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. River, Joni Mitchell. Identified by Chatty Knitter.
From what I have read in the emails that have been going back and forth as well as this article, the target appears to be a La Raza studies program that focuses on cultural history and instilment of pride in that history. Some of the texts used in the program have rubbed people the wrong way.
It is one thing to complain about a text or two used in a program and maybe even talk to the school to get those texts removed or to choose laternate texts. I’m not saying I think this is necessary in this case because I don’t have all the information, I haven’t read the texts, I don’t know about the student organization mentioned, and so I honestly can’t comment on their ethos. However, I certainly can comment on the implications that type of legislation could have statewide.
Imagine a world where the only culture allowed to be taught is the dominant culture. How fundamentally un-American is that? While the article states that teaching about cultures would be acceptable, “race-based” classes would not. I can just see Asian Studies, Diaspora Studies, Chicano Studies, etc. disappearing from Arizona’s public universities and it makes me want to cry.
The language is so vague. I think if you asked ten people what it means to "overtly encourage dissent" from the values of American democracy and Western civilization you would get ten different answers. Debates could come to a raging halt. Any sentiment of radical change or even not so radical change could be squashed out of the brains of many children and young adults. People could essentially be taught that everything single thing about America is right and good and I am certain that type of thinking will only do our country harm.
Since Mom guessed all the songs yesterday here are five new ones
1. Horses in my dreams/ Like waves like the sea/ They pull out of here/ They pull they are free
2. Oh here we go again/ It’s time for the same arguments about/ About that and a little bit of this
3. Moon Sammy walks/ Across the floor/ Below the floor/ There is a wall. Moon Sammy, Soul Coughing. Identified by Mom.
4. When apple leaves fall/ You may feel something in your mind’s eye/ When the earth drinks in squall/ You may plan to escape on the sly. Apple, Cibo Matto. Identified by Jamie
5. It’s coming on Christmas/ They’re cutting down trees/ They’re putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. River, Joni Mitchell. Identified by Chatty Knitter.
Monday, April 14, 2008
MEETING DAVID WILSON
So this Friday I watched the documentary Meeting David Wilson on MSNBC. It was about this young Black man, David A. Wilson who was researching his family history and came discover not only his own family history but that of the white Wilson family who once owned his own. Turns out there was a guy still living in the same town where the plantation was who was also named David B. Wilson. David A. calls up David B. and says something along the lines of, “Hi, I think your family used to own my family,” and David B. says, “Well that could be.” They then proceed to have a short conversation about the weather. Eventually they decide to meet.
This was one of those documentaries that tore me apart. I couldn’t turn it off but I couldn’t stop crying. Slavery really messes with my head. I cried because he found this guy. I cried because he wanted to meet him. I cried because he went down to the plantation and found an old shack in the slave quarters and stood inside thinking of the joy and the tragedy that must have happened inside. I cried because the two Davids got along. I cried as they got both Wilson families together for a mini reunion even though DNA showed no relation (that didn’t make me cry though, it made me happy). I cried as David A. went further back in his roots and traveled to Ghana, as he stood inside a slave castle looking at the “Door of No Return” and thinking of how long it took him to go back to his ancestral home. Mostly, I cried because I never could have done it.
As I mentioned, slavery really messes with my head. I get incredibly angry. When I get angry I cry. I could imagine myself having that conversation. It would have been full of cursing, name calling, shouting, and tears. I probably would have been hung up on. Then again, I probably wouldn’t have ever made the call because I already know how the conversation would go. It wouldn’t be healthy for anyone involved. It would bring back the recurring nightmares I had as a child of being chased through dense woods by dogs. Whatever poor white person I called and went crazy on would have nothing positive to think about and would probably look down on Black folks and think we were raving crazies after our interaction.
The Davids touched on a question that I have heard so many times. Although I think that it was worded less offensively than I am doing here in the film, “Do you think you have more opportunities living in an affluent society here in America than if your ancestors had never been brought here as slaves?” David A. gave an awesome answer, “America wouldn’t be the affluent society it is if it hadn’t been for slaves.” That comment was one of the few things in the film that made me smile.
1. Well they say that birds do it/ Bees do it/ Time the freak Money B gets to it. The Freaks of the Industry. Digital Underground.
2. If the music make you move/ Cause you can dig the groove/ Groove on/ Groove on. Do Your Thing. Isaac Hayes
3. Went down to the mountain I was drinking some wine/ Looked up in the heaven lord I saw a mighty sign. One More Saturday Night, Greatful Dead.
4. What’s the matter/ Why don’t you answer/ What’s the matter with me. Stockholm Syndrome. Yo La Tengo
This was one of those documentaries that tore me apart. I couldn’t turn it off but I couldn’t stop crying. Slavery really messes with my head. I cried because he found this guy. I cried because he wanted to meet him. I cried because he went down to the plantation and found an old shack in the slave quarters and stood inside thinking of the joy and the tragedy that must have happened inside. I cried because the two Davids got along. I cried as they got both Wilson families together for a mini reunion even though DNA showed no relation (that didn’t make me cry though, it made me happy). I cried as David A. went further back in his roots and traveled to Ghana, as he stood inside a slave castle looking at the “Door of No Return” and thinking of how long it took him to go back to his ancestral home. Mostly, I cried because I never could have done it.
As I mentioned, slavery really messes with my head. I get incredibly angry. When I get angry I cry. I could imagine myself having that conversation. It would have been full of cursing, name calling, shouting, and tears. I probably would have been hung up on. Then again, I probably wouldn’t have ever made the call because I already know how the conversation would go. It wouldn’t be healthy for anyone involved. It would bring back the recurring nightmares I had as a child of being chased through dense woods by dogs. Whatever poor white person I called and went crazy on would have nothing positive to think about and would probably look down on Black folks and think we were raving crazies after our interaction.
The Davids touched on a question that I have heard so many times. Although I think that it was worded less offensively than I am doing here in the film, “Do you think you have more opportunities living in an affluent society here in America than if your ancestors had never been brought here as slaves?” David A. gave an awesome answer, “America wouldn’t be the affluent society it is if it hadn’t been for slaves.” That comment was one of the few things in the film that made me smile.
1. Well they say that birds do it/ Bees do it/ Time the freak Money B gets to it. The Freaks of the Industry. Digital Underground.
2. If the music make you move/ Cause you can dig the groove/ Groove on/ Groove on. Do Your Thing. Isaac Hayes
3. Went down to the mountain I was drinking some wine/ Looked up in the heaven lord I saw a mighty sign. One More Saturday Night, Greatful Dead.
4. What’s the matter/ Why don’t you answer/ What’s the matter with me. Stockholm Syndrome. Yo La Tengo
Friday, April 04, 2008
MUSINGS ON LEARNING
Today I looked over graduate programs and I have concluded that I am probably going to embark on a journey to get another useless degree. While I firmly assert that I got an excellent education and that my Liberal Arts degree is totally worth something the reality of that statement is up for review. I like to say that I have a degree in everything but I also have a degree in nothing. The programs that sounded remotely interesting to me are as follows:
Curriculum Studies
English
Human Services and Counseling
Interdisciplinary Studies
Media, Culture, and Society
Organizational and Multicultural Communication
General Psychology (which I probably won’t do because I would have to take the GRE and I am lazy and I hate standardized tests and I don't want to get a bad score and worry that I am stupid)
Sociology
Seeing as the guy who meets with undecided students works in my office, I should probably go and have a meeting. Maybe I can get some help. Help just isn’t really like me though, I tend to just make decisions and live to regret them or live to love them. In fact, the only education related regret that I have is taking the MCAT instead of the GRE and not figuring out that I didn’t want to be a Dr. before I took all of those science classes. In the grand scheme of things that isn’t too bad.
Curriculum Studies
English
Human Services and Counseling
Interdisciplinary Studies
Media, Culture, and Society
Organizational and Multicultural Communication
General Psychology (which I probably won’t do because I would have to take the GRE and I am lazy and I hate standardized tests and I don't want to get a bad score and worry that I am stupid)
Sociology
Seeing as the guy who meets with undecided students works in my office, I should probably go and have a meeting. Maybe I can get some help. Help just isn’t really like me though, I tend to just make decisions and live to regret them or live to love them. In fact, the only education related regret that I have is taking the MCAT instead of the GRE and not figuring out that I didn’t want to be a Dr. before I took all of those science classes. In the grand scheme of things that isn’t too bad.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
WHAT IS UP WITH MY HEAD?
I feel very strange. I don’t know what is wrong with me but I think something is. I am not one for hypochondria but I just can’t explain what I have going on here. I feel like I am on some kind of mild hallucinogen or something. All of a sudden my head got really light and things just kept turning slightly to the right in an upward direction. I don’t know why but every time I try to look at something stationary it won’t keep still. It is even going on when my eyes were closed. I thought maybe I was just hungry so I ate my lunch. I am still feeling crazy. The only thing I ate today that I don’t eat all the time was a life savers mint. I highly doubt it was laced with anything. I really don’t know what to do but I think functioning like this will be very difficult. I am on my lunch break now and am hoping that it will just stop as suddenly as it started. What the heck! Maybe I am dying.
1. Jenny said that when she was just five years old. There was nothing happening at all/ Every time she puts on the radio/ There was nothing going down at all. Rock and Roll, Velvet Underground. Identified by Jamie.
2. Identity/ Identity is the crisis you can’t see/ Identity/ Identity
3. Finished with my woman cause she couldn’t help me with my life/ people think I’m insane because I am browning all the time. Paranoid, Black Sabbath. Identified by Jason.
4. When I wake up early in the morning/ Lift my head/ I’m still yawning. I'm Only Sleeping. The Beatles. Identified by Jamie
5. Did I/ See a moment/ With you/ In a half-lit world
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
NOT SO SUBTLE
Our City Councilman sent out a little brochure with descriptions of all the judges and random things that I never pay attention to. I thought it was a pretty nice thing to do. On the back there was a sample ballot. It showed Hillary Clinton’s name right on top. Then Senatorial candidates were listed. I wondered why they didn’t list other possible presidential candidates. Was it some kind of sideways endorsement of
While watching G4 last night they held a poll of how many people planned to vote this year. Sadly 64% of the people said they planned to. It shocked me. I can accept that some people may plan to vote but then something happens and they end up not doing it. I still was amazed by how many people simply didn’t plan to participate in any way. In this time I don’t understand how people can sit back and say whoever is President won’t make a difference in their lives. It’s that kind of attitude that will land us a President who walks around like this.
2. I caught it in the face/ Coming round again/ I thought it was worth waiting/ You're caught up in my head. Dry, PJ Harvey. Identified by Chatty Knitter
3. Stand up/ You’ve got to manage/ I won’t sympathize/ Anymore
4. Laid back in an old salon with a peso in my hand/ Watching flies and children on the street
5. Is there anybody going to listen to my story/ All about the girl who came to stay/ She’s the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry/ Still you don’t regret a single day. Girl, The Beatles. Identified by Mom.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
FOOD FUN AND FRIENDS
You gotta love friends being in town. After I spent Thursday recuperating from my trip home by lazing in my pjs, doing puzzles, and sleeping Friday was a time to get out and get going. I planned to meet Monica and Brooke for lunch downtown but that didn’t quite happen. Brooke came over after lunch and we got to chat a little bit and then headed to the train where we met Dave and then were off to Ba-Ba-Re-Ba for some Tapas and Sangria. Monica and Lakeiya met us there. Hooray for lots of friends! After four pitchers of sangria and delicious tapas, one of which looked like a caramel covered nutty poo (but was incredibly delicious) we though it would be an excellent idea to travel far out west for Karaoke.
Sadly, I had forgotten my check card but since I was with friends they made sure I wasn’t too thirsty during the singing festivities. That’s what friends are for. Brooke and Monica’s band, The Obnoxious Hollering Assholes, made their official debut, which is funny because I am kind of the only friend who isn’t in the band in some way shape or form. Apparently you have to ask them to be in the band and I thought they should just ask me because I am so obviously talented. Guess not. On the way to karaoke Dave became the costume designer and Lakeiya became their lawyer. I was still just chillin. Anyway, I am now at least something since I had a fairly large part in the debut. Our first two numbers were a complete group effort (Brooke’s first time up on the karaoke stage) and were both completely Asshole type songs.
Lakeiya had to go home at around ten because she is a sleepy little girl who likes to go home. Plus she lives in the suburbs and it takes her a while to get anywhere. I guess it was acceptable. Monica and I both did atrocious solo songs. We both decided not to do those songs again. I should have sung The Letter instead. We should know better then to get up and sing when we are afraid. We are never afraid to get up there. It was a sign. Dave and Brooke did an awesome rendition of a karaoke staple, which sealed the deal for Brooke becoming a full fledged karaoke lover. We then closed out the night with a very fast song with hard to pronounce words. I can’t believe we sang it as well as we did. Our voices were totally sore and horrible when we were done but it was totally worth it. 2am it was and obviously time to go home.
It took us a while to get out of there, being that the place is in the middle of nowhere, and it was rather extremely chilly but cabs came and we got in them and then were able to get to our homes. Today should also be a good time. We plan to eat burgers and drink bad sangria (not to be confused with the delicious sangria at Ba-ba-re-ba) at Moody’s. Should be a good time. I have once again made a post and it isn’t yet 2008. However, as I got an awesome laptop for Christmas, it makes posting wile doing other things much easier and therefore possible.
For the songs today I will use the ones we sang for karaoke in the order of which they were sang. This does mean six songs instead of five but it just seems right. Obviously, Monica and Brooke have no business answering these.
1. I pulled into Nazareth/ I was feelin' about half past dead/ I just need some place/where I can lay my head. (sung awesomely by the Obnoxious Hollering Assholes) The Weight, The Band. Identified by Johnny Yen.
2. He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun/ In case of accidents he always took his mom (sung awesomely by the Obnoxious Hollering Assholes). The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill, The Beatles. Identified by Johnny Yen.
3. He came from somewhere back in her long ago/ The sentimental fool don’t see/ Tryin hard to recreate/ What had yet to be created once in her life (sung quite poorly by Monica) What A Fool Believes, The Doobie Brothers. Identified by Johnny Yen.
4. Heard of a van that’s loaded with weapons/ Packed up and ready to go/ Heard of some gravesites/ Out by the highway/ A place where nobody knows (sung quite poorly by Natalie). Life During Wartime, The Talking Heads. Identified by Johnny Yen.
5. Twenty-five years and my life is still/ Trying to get up that great big hill/ of hope/ For a destination (sung incredibly awesomely by Brooke and Dave). What's Up. 4 Non Blondes. identified (with the wrong title) by Mom.
6. Harry Truman/ Doris Day/ Red China/ Johnny Ray/ South pacific/ Walter Winchell/ Joe DiMaggio (sung surprisingly well by The Obnoxious Hollering Assholes (although Lakeiya had left)). We Didn't Start The Fire, by Billy Joel. Identified by CS.
Sadly, I had forgotten my check card but since I was with friends they made sure I wasn’t too thirsty during the singing festivities. That’s what friends are for. Brooke and Monica’s band, The Obnoxious Hollering Assholes, made their official debut, which is funny because I am kind of the only friend who isn’t in the band in some way shape or form. Apparently you have to ask them to be in the band and I thought they should just ask me because I am so obviously talented. Guess not. On the way to karaoke Dave became the costume designer and Lakeiya became their lawyer. I was still just chillin. Anyway, I am now at least something since I had a fairly large part in the debut. Our first two numbers were a complete group effort (Brooke’s first time up on the karaoke stage) and were both completely Asshole type songs.
Lakeiya had to go home at around ten because she is a sleepy little girl who likes to go home. Plus she lives in the suburbs and it takes her a while to get anywhere. I guess it was acceptable. Monica and I both did atrocious solo songs. We both decided not to do those songs again. I should have sung The Letter instead. We should know better then to get up and sing when we are afraid. We are never afraid to get up there. It was a sign. Dave and Brooke did an awesome rendition of a karaoke staple, which sealed the deal for Brooke becoming a full fledged karaoke lover. We then closed out the night with a very fast song with hard to pronounce words. I can’t believe we sang it as well as we did. Our voices were totally sore and horrible when we were done but it was totally worth it. 2am it was and obviously time to go home.
It took us a while to get out of there, being that the place is in the middle of nowhere, and it was rather extremely chilly but cabs came and we got in them and then were able to get to our homes. Today should also be a good time. We plan to eat burgers and drink bad sangria (not to be confused with the delicious sangria at Ba-ba-re-ba) at Moody’s. Should be a good time. I have once again made a post and it isn’t yet 2008. However, as I got an awesome laptop for Christmas, it makes posting wile doing other things much easier and therefore possible.
For the songs today I will use the ones we sang for karaoke in the order of which they were sang. This does mean six songs instead of five but it just seems right. Obviously, Monica and Brooke have no business answering these.
1. I pulled into Nazareth/ I was feelin' about half past dead/ I just need some place/where I can lay my head. (sung awesomely by the Obnoxious Hollering Assholes) The Weight, The Band. Identified by Johnny Yen.
2. He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun/ In case of accidents he always took his mom (sung awesomely by the Obnoxious Hollering Assholes). The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill, The Beatles. Identified by Johnny Yen.
3. He came from somewhere back in her long ago/ The sentimental fool don’t see/ Tryin hard to recreate/ What had yet to be created once in her life (sung quite poorly by Monica) What A Fool Believes, The Doobie Brothers. Identified by Johnny Yen.
4. Heard of a van that’s loaded with weapons/ Packed up and ready to go/ Heard of some gravesites/ Out by the highway/ A place where nobody knows (sung quite poorly by Natalie). Life During Wartime, The Talking Heads. Identified by Johnny Yen.
5. Twenty-five years and my life is still/ Trying to get up that great big hill/ of hope/ For a destination (sung incredibly awesomely by Brooke and Dave). What's Up. 4 Non Blondes. identified (with the wrong title) by Mom.
6. Harry Truman/ Doris Day/ Red China/ Johnny Ray/ South pacific/ Walter Winchell/ Joe DiMaggio (sung surprisingly well by The Obnoxious Hollering Assholes (although Lakeiya had left)). We Didn't Start The Fire, by Billy Joel. Identified by CS.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
R.O.U.S LIVES
Remember The Princess Bride? It was a great film and I wanted to hug it. The movie had everything you could possibly want, comedy, romance, suspense, sword fighting, and revenge. It also had the Fire Swamp, a place that terrified me as a young person. The idea of catching on fire was not pleasant, even with the loud sound that warned you of the upcoming conflagration. Then there was the lightning sand. Quicker than quicksand this stuff was seriously dangerous, but as long as you didn’t step in it you were ok. No, the true terror of the fire swamp was the R.O.U.S (Rodent of Unusual Size). This guy was horrible. He was a rat the size of a dog, and not a small dog either. I took heed in the fact that they were not real. Or should I say they weren’t real. Researchers discovered a R.O.U.S in the Indonesian jungle. He is still the size of a dog, albeit a much smaller dog that the original R.O.U.S. Check him out.
On a happier note (I think), while reading Metromix’s review of the top 10 albums of 2007 I was pleased to see none other than Of Montreal’s Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer which I continue to listen to like mad and have even begun to like The Past is a Grotesque Animal and to almost tolerate Bunny Ain’t No Kind of Rider. Who knew? While I am incredibly glad the album has been recognized I wonder if that will make it inherently less cool. They wrote “A playful yet intense batch of neuroses from frontman Kevin Barnes, indie rock’s prince of fuzzy glam weirdness.” I guess it’s a pretty accurate portrayal. How about the video for Gronlandic Edit (my favorite song on the album) for you all to enjoy. Why? Cause it’s awesome.
1. Today was the day/ For dancing and for singing/ The birds in the trees/ And all the bells are ringing
2. My head’s been lying dormant like a sleepy little mouse/ What I have inside me it’s enough to fill a house
3. Repair the hull/ Replace the sail/ The monkey wrestles with the ghost
4. City bird/ Haven’t you heard/ hasn’t anybody told you/ the city blocks can hold you/ Your place is in the sky how can I show you
5. She called me up today/ Meet me down at the old café/ I jumped into the shower/ I was getting my marching orders. Step Into My Office, Baby by Belle and Sebastian. Identified by Chatty Knitter
Monday, November 12, 2007
A BALD ASSHOLE IN MY BRAIN
Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes. I am incredibly excited. I have now started to get very nervous as well. It’s a good nervous, an exciting motivating nervous, but nervous all the same. The main reason I was looking for a new job was to do something new. I was no longer being challenged. However, it is nice to be someone who can answer questions about virtually every aspect of what goes on at work. It is nice to have someone come to you with a question and you not have to look anything up before you can quote numbers and statistics. It is nice to know you are really good at your job.
I have no doubt that I will become really good at my new job. I also know that it would be insane not to expect a lengthy period of adjustment. One of the nice things about when I am starting is that the students won’t be at school. I’ll have time until mid Jan before they return to get used to how everything works. I amso happy about that. It helps a lot. It certainly doesn’t erase the nerves though.
Last night I dreamt I was Larry David. If you know who that is, you will get a sense of how incredibly nervous I actually am. That man makes Woody Allen look relaxed and sane. Not only was I Larry David but I was Larry David lost in an enormous hotel that seemed to resemble parts of a temple in Ninja Gaiden Sigma. I haven’t even played that game in weeks since I bested the horrible Queen Fiend. Talk about a stressful battle. She was one of the most difficult bosses that I have ever faced in the history of gaming.
Once I became myself again in dreamland, I found myself taking train after train after train and getting delayed and lost in order to get someplace that I really could have walked to. Why I didn’t walk I have no idea because I usually prefer to walk short distances unless it is incredibly cold outside but it was not cold in my dream. It was a little cold after I woke up though so maybe it does make sense.
I know that everything will work out just fine. In a way I am actually glad to get out of my comfort zone. I know it is only natural to feel this way when starting something new. I just hope that my dreams will start to calm down because if they stay at this level of anxiety I will be a sick sick person in a number of weeks. I need to find something to keep me nice and relaxed for until I get started. Any suggestions?
1. I know/ I can’t find you/ I go/ sit beside you. I Know, The Best Band
2. We love to boogie/ we love to boogie/ Jitterbug boogie/ High school boogie/ we love to boogie/ On a Saturday night. We Love To Boogie, T-Rex (not I Love the nightlife (Disco Round) by Alicia Bridges although it could easily be mistaken for it)
4. Seven am so it begins again/ One zip favoring familiar silhouettes/ Left whips and chains/ Behind I’m boycotting trends it’s my new look this season. Girl Disappearing, Tori Amos
5. You see this kind if chick in every town/ whenever there’s a scene she’ always hanging around/ she’s so naive and innocent/ stares at you with awe/ she’s only 14 but she knows how to draw. Superlungs my Supergirl, Donovan.
I have no doubt that I will become really good at my new job. I also know that it would be insane not to expect a lengthy period of adjustment. One of the nice things about when I am starting is that the students won’t be at school. I’ll have time until mid Jan before they return to get used to how everything works. I amso happy about that. It helps a lot. It certainly doesn’t erase the nerves though.
Last night I dreamt I was Larry David. If you know who that is, you will get a sense of how incredibly nervous I actually am. That man makes Woody Allen look relaxed and sane. Not only was I Larry David but I was Larry David lost in an enormous hotel that seemed to resemble parts of a temple in Ninja Gaiden Sigma. I haven’t even played that game in weeks since I bested the horrible Queen Fiend. Talk about a stressful battle. She was one of the most difficult bosses that I have ever faced in the history of gaming.
Once I became myself again in dreamland, I found myself taking train after train after train and getting delayed and lost in order to get someplace that I really could have walked to. Why I didn’t walk I have no idea because I usually prefer to walk short distances unless it is incredibly cold outside but it was not cold in my dream. It was a little cold after I woke up though so maybe it does make sense.
I know that everything will work out just fine. In a way I am actually glad to get out of my comfort zone. I know it is only natural to feel this way when starting something new. I just hope that my dreams will start to calm down because if they stay at this level of anxiety I will be a sick sick person in a number of weeks. I need to find something to keep me nice and relaxed for until I get started. Any suggestions?
1. I know/ I can’t find you/ I go/ sit beside you. I Know, The Best Band
2. We love to boogie/ we love to boogie/ Jitterbug boogie/ High school boogie/ we love to boogie/ On a Saturday night. We Love To Boogie, T-Rex (not I Love the nightlife (Disco Round) by Alicia Bridges although it could easily be mistaken for it)
4. Seven am so it begins again/ One zip favoring familiar silhouettes/ Left whips and chains/ Behind I’m boycotting trends it’s my new look this season. Girl Disappearing, Tori Amos
5. You see this kind if chick in every town/ whenever there’s a scene she’ always hanging around/ she’s so naive and innocent/ stares at you with awe/ she’s only 14 but she knows how to draw. Superlungs my Supergirl, Donovan.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
A SPOOKY MEME
I found this meme over at Katrina's blog and just had to take it. I am like totally trying to get in the spirit.
1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
Hands down it was the original Amityville Horror. That was easily the scariest thing ever created. It was based on a true story which made it even more terrifying. The new one was horrible, I fell asleep in the theater.
2. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a child?
Voltron, I was wicked awesome. I had a mask and a Blazing Sword that talked. I had big old shoulders made of cardboard.
3. Given enough money what would be your fantasy Halloween costume?
I really want Tony and I to go as Ernie and Bert because he is tall and I am short, I have a roundhead and he has a long one. It shouldn’t be that hard to do but since we love Ernie and Bert so much we would want it to be perfect and since I don’t have time to shop for the perfect striped sweaters or make a very very long paperclip chain I would want to hire someone to do this for us.
4. When was the last time you went trick-or-treating?
I want to say I was 14 or 15. I was far too old for it.
5. What is your favorite Halloween candy?
As far as traditional Halloween candy goes I would say candy corn. It is incredibly disgusting and tastes as if chalk were made of marshmallows but I still like it.
6. Tell us about a scary nightmare you once had.
Well the scariest are the nightmares about the Blue Meanies. If you want true horror click on the link. My first nightmare was of a HUGE monarch butterfly wearing high top turquoise Chuck Taylor’s stomping around my bed and looking at me. It sucked.
7. What is your supernatural fear?
The guy outside the window. He has a long long beard and fucked up teeth. He has wispy long falling off hair and he cackles. He looks like he spent way too long out at sea. I swear I have seen him outside my bedroom window many many times. The thing is that my bedroom is almost never on the first floor. He also doesn’t generally have a body.
8. What is your "creepy-crawly" fear?
Pede-like creatures are the worst of all creatures. You know em, those really fast centipede type creatures that can swim so you can't drown them in the toilet. Ugh.
9. Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost or heard something go bump in the night.
Other than the headless old man at the window I would have to say in the Marshall Field Music Building at SLC. It has always been said that the building is haunted. People would get trapped in practice rooms or other strange things would happen. The stories of where the ghost originated are vast and unconnected. One day I was in there with my sister and her friend Corey and I went into this dark back stairway for some reason. The door slammed shut on me (no one was around because they were on a different floor) and it wouldn’t open. It was pitch black and utterly terrifying. I pulled and pulled and pushed and twisted the knob but all in vain. Then it just swung open. Very strange.
10. Would you stay overnight in a real haunted house?
I might say that I would but if something real fucked happened I would be out the door.
11. Are you a traditionalist or a creative carver of your Jack-O'Lantern?
I haven’t carved a pumpkin in a really long time but I like to think that I would do something creative. Then again, I would probably try but not be happy with it and then just cut some triangles for eyes and a crooked mouth to cover up my errors.
12. How much do you decorate your house at Halloween?
None. That is for people with kids.
13. What do you want on your tombstone?
I don’t really expect to have one because I am going to live forever.
1. My dick costs a late night fee/ Your dick got the HIV/ My dick plays on the double feature screen/ Your dick went straight to DVD.
2. Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Trippin’ over rails and fences/ Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Made of the mist in the abyss.
3. I feel unhappy/ I feel so sad/ I’ve lost the best friend/ That I ever had.
4. I really know how it feels to be/ Stressed out stressed out/ when you’re face to face with your adversity
5. Sucking on my titties like you wanted me calling me/ all the time like Blondie/ Check out my chrissy behind it's fine
1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen?
Hands down it was the original Amityville Horror. That was easily the scariest thing ever created. It was based on a true story which made it even more terrifying. The new one was horrible, I fell asleep in the theater.
2. What was your favorite Halloween costume as a child?
Voltron, I was wicked awesome. I had a mask and a Blazing Sword that talked. I had big old shoulders made of cardboard.
3. Given enough money what would be your fantasy Halloween costume?
I really want Tony and I to go as Ernie and Bert because he is tall and I am short, I have a roundhead and he has a long one. It shouldn’t be that hard to do but since we love Ernie and Bert so much we would want it to be perfect and since I don’t have time to shop for the perfect striped sweaters or make a very very long paperclip chain I would want to hire someone to do this for us.
4. When was the last time you went trick-or-treating?
I want to say I was 14 or 15. I was far too old for it.
5. What is your favorite Halloween candy?
As far as traditional Halloween candy goes I would say candy corn. It is incredibly disgusting and tastes as if chalk were made of marshmallows but I still like it.
6. Tell us about a scary nightmare you once had.
Well the scariest are the nightmares about the Blue Meanies. If you want true horror click on the link. My first nightmare was of a HUGE monarch butterfly wearing high top turquoise Chuck Taylor’s stomping around my bed and looking at me. It sucked.
7. What is your supernatural fear?
The guy outside the window. He has a long long beard and fucked up teeth. He has wispy long falling off hair and he cackles. He looks like he spent way too long out at sea. I swear I have seen him outside my bedroom window many many times. The thing is that my bedroom is almost never on the first floor. He also doesn’t generally have a body.
8. What is your "creepy-crawly" fear?
Pede-like creatures are the worst of all creatures. You know em, those really fast centipede type creatures that can swim so you can't drown them in the toilet. Ugh.
9. Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost or heard something go bump in the night.
Other than the headless old man at the window I would have to say in the Marshall Field Music Building at SLC. It has always been said that the building is haunted. People would get trapped in practice rooms or other strange things would happen. The stories of where the ghost originated are vast and unconnected. One day I was in there with my sister and her friend Corey and I went into this dark back stairway for some reason. The door slammed shut on me (no one was around because they were on a different floor) and it wouldn’t open. It was pitch black and utterly terrifying. I pulled and pulled and pushed and twisted the knob but all in vain. Then it just swung open. Very strange.
10. Would you stay overnight in a real haunted house?
I might say that I would but if something real fucked happened I would be out the door.
11. Are you a traditionalist or a creative carver of your Jack-O'Lantern?
I haven’t carved a pumpkin in a really long time but I like to think that I would do something creative. Then again, I would probably try but not be happy with it and then just cut some triangles for eyes and a crooked mouth to cover up my errors.
12. How much do you decorate your house at Halloween?
None. That is for people with kids.
13. What do you want on your tombstone?
I don’t really expect to have one because I am going to live forever.
1. My dick costs a late night fee/ Your dick got the HIV/ My dick plays on the double feature screen/ Your dick went straight to DVD.
2. Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Trippin’ over rails and fences/ Slippin’ on through the sensors/ Made of the mist in the abyss.
3. I feel unhappy/ I feel so sad/ I’ve lost the best friend/ That I ever had.
4. I really know how it feels to be/ Stressed out stressed out/ when you’re face to face with your adversity
5. Sucking on my titties like you wanted me calling me/ all the time like Blondie/ Check out my chrissy behind it's fine
Thursday, October 04, 2007
THIS STATE I'M IN
On Tuesday I will be starting yet another phase in my career at Jobs For Youth. I will begin teaching the 8-day pre-employment workshop that we offer. I have little to no idea of what I am doing. Everyone around me is certain that I will have no problems and they are probably correct. I just like to have a finite plan for work.
Apparently, no written curriculum exists for this class. There is an outline with the topics that need to be covered and how much time will be spent on each topic. I think that it will be sufficient but I am not sure. I did get one written sheet yesterday that talked about the orientation that will be given to students on the first day. That made me feel a little bit better.
I guess that I know the material; resumes, interview questions, cover letter, thanks you letter, job applications and the like. All that stuff I am fine with. There is also a “Money Smart” component where I talk about budgeting and the benefits of using financial institutions over currency exchanges or your sock drawer. I think that section is where I am the most nervous. I certainly am ok at managing my finances but I would like a little more training before teaching others. I’m sure it will be ok though.
I also have to get everything in order for my assistant. I interviewed four people last week and my supervisor will be interviewing two of them to help with the final decision. I think I already know who will get the offer but I wanted someone to make sure I was making the right decision even though I know I am. I have never been good at making decisions but maybe I just need to man up and make things happen.
I’ll spend these next few days getting things in order with my contract to pass on to my soon to be hired Training Assistant. I am really excited about this. I have a huge list of duties of things I would have really liked to do with the grant contract but haven’t had time to do that I can’t wait for them to get started on. I also just got the grant for next year’s grant, which actually overlaps this one and the Training Assistant will get to start that one going as well. It was actually a funny process.
My contact in Springfield sent me an email with the new reporting tool for the 07-08 grant. I was very confused because I didn’t know this grant was in existence I asked my boss who told me to ask the grant guy who told me to ask the executive director. No one knew what I was talking about. I finally asked my Springfield contact to fax me a copy of the grant. There it was 82,000 worth of work that needed to be attended to. It had the ED’s signature on it from May so he must have just forgotten about it. I’m not behind at all and the requirements are actually lower than the ones for the current grant period and I know it will be well taken care of. I just wish I had been able to be even more prepared. Oh well, so it goes.
Now, back to the random songs.
1. You’ve got style/ That’s what other girls say/ Satin sheets/ and luxuries so fine
2. The times we had/ Oh when wind would blow with rain and snow/ Were not all bad
3. I wanna bathe in milk/ Eat grapes/ Robert DiNero sit on my face
4. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know/ sometimes I feel like checking out/ I wanna get it wrong/ Can’t always be strong. Ultraviolet, U2. Identified by The Doc
5. She came she came to meet a man/ she found an angel/ Coocoo coocoo Barabajagal was his name no.
Apparently, no written curriculum exists for this class. There is an outline with the topics that need to be covered and how much time will be spent on each topic. I think that it will be sufficient but I am not sure. I did get one written sheet yesterday that talked about the orientation that will be given to students on the first day. That made me feel a little bit better.
I guess that I know the material; resumes, interview questions, cover letter, thanks you letter, job applications and the like. All that stuff I am fine with. There is also a “Money Smart” component where I talk about budgeting and the benefits of using financial institutions over currency exchanges or your sock drawer. I think that section is where I am the most nervous. I certainly am ok at managing my finances but I would like a little more training before teaching others. I’m sure it will be ok though.
I also have to get everything in order for my assistant. I interviewed four people last week and my supervisor will be interviewing two of them to help with the final decision. I think I already know who will get the offer but I wanted someone to make sure I was making the right decision even though I know I am. I have never been good at making decisions but maybe I just need to man up and make things happen.
I’ll spend these next few days getting things in order with my contract to pass on to my soon to be hired Training Assistant. I am really excited about this. I have a huge list of duties of things I would have really liked to do with the grant contract but haven’t had time to do that I can’t wait for them to get started on. I also just got the grant for next year’s grant, which actually overlaps this one and the Training Assistant will get to start that one going as well. It was actually a funny process.
My contact in Springfield sent me an email with the new reporting tool for the 07-08 grant. I was very confused because I didn’t know this grant was in existence I asked my boss who told me to ask the grant guy who told me to ask the executive director. No one knew what I was talking about. I finally asked my Springfield contact to fax me a copy of the grant. There it was 82,000 worth of work that needed to be attended to. It had the ED’s signature on it from May so he must have just forgotten about it. I’m not behind at all and the requirements are actually lower than the ones for the current grant period and I know it will be well taken care of. I just wish I had been able to be even more prepared. Oh well, so it goes.
Now, back to the random songs.
1. You’ve got style/ That’s what other girls say/ Satin sheets/ and luxuries so fine
2. The times we had/ Oh when wind would blow with rain and snow/ Were not all bad
3. I wanna bathe in milk/ Eat grapes/ Robert DiNero sit on my face
4. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know/ sometimes I feel like checking out/ I wanna get it wrong/ Can’t always be strong. Ultraviolet, U2. Identified by The Doc
5. She came she came to meet a man/ she found an angel/ Coocoo coocoo Barabajagal was his name no.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
FROM ABOVE YOU IT DEVOURS
This morning I hopped out of bed, donned a robe, and stepped into the hallway. I was immediately greeted with a horrific thought. Winter is almost here. I know, I know, it is technically quite a way off and there is an entire season called fall before winter truly arrives. Regardless, I felt the biting sting of cold on my face, fingers, and feet and all I wanted to do was to crawl back into bed and cry.
It has been a really nice summer. I have enjoyed wonderful weather, most of it not annoyingly hot. I have had nice vacations and plenty of in the city fun. It has very likely been one of the better summers I have had in some time. Maybe that is the reason that I am so reluctant for it to end. It has simply been too nice. Maybe I have an even nicer fall and a stupendous winter ahead of me. I just don’t know. All I know was that it was cold. Like up at the cabin without proper clothing cold. Boo.
According to the seven-day forecast, there isn’t a single day about 70 in sight. I know it is September and I know I live in Chicago but it still doesn’t seem right. Why is it that 60 degree weather as we ease into fall feels so incredibly warm but as we leave summer it is so gosh darned cold.
On a happier note, I have decided to go to my High School reunion on the 22th. I am still a little mad at them that it is on Yom Kippur but oh well. I told the planning people very early on that I thought that was very rude being the highest of the High Holy days and all. They didn’t seem to care although someone did mention that they would bring it up to the planning committee. Such a thing would never happen in New York. Unfortunately, Tony won’t be coming with me. I would have liked to see him by my side but it just isn’t practical financially and it is a lot of family time all at once. Tony loves my family very much but they aren’t his family and three visits in a month is a lot for him. He also could care less about meeting people I went to high school with. I guess it is just that insecure teenage girl in me that wants to have a boyfriend. What a lame I am. I’ll be meeting up with some good friends beforehand for dinner and in all honesty hearing they were going to be getting together and them saying how great it would be if I came was my main motivation. We’ll see how it goes.
1. In one hand dreams a plenty/ In her smile a secret spell. In her blood disappointments/ These she knows oh too well.
2. I rap for listeners/ Bluntheads, fly ladies, and prisoners/ Hennessey holders and old school niggas then I’ll be dissin/ an unofficial that smoke woolie Thai/ I dropped out of Cooley High
3. It’s too good/ It’s too nice/ She makes me fingers too quick/ Is it love/ No not love/ She turns my sexual tricks
4. I miss you/ But I haven’t met you yet/ So special/ But it hasn’t happened yet
And a special song just for the birthday girl, FRIEND, Happy Birthday Friend! No one but Friend is allowed to name this song even if they know it and they really want to.
5. Now I’m just average common too/ I’m just like him the same as you/ I’m everybody’s brother and son/ I ain’t different than anyone/ Ain’t no use in talking to me/ Just the same as talking to you
It has been a really nice summer. I have enjoyed wonderful weather, most of it not annoyingly hot. I have had nice vacations and plenty of in the city fun. It has very likely been one of the better summers I have had in some time. Maybe that is the reason that I am so reluctant for it to end. It has simply been too nice. Maybe I have an even nicer fall and a stupendous winter ahead of me. I just don’t know. All I know was that it was cold. Like up at the cabin without proper clothing cold. Boo.
According to the seven-day forecast, there isn’t a single day about 70 in sight. I know it is September and I know I live in Chicago but it still doesn’t seem right. Why is it that 60 degree weather as we ease into fall feels so incredibly warm but as we leave summer it is so gosh darned cold.
On a happier note, I have decided to go to my High School reunion on the 22th. I am still a little mad at them that it is on Yom Kippur but oh well. I told the planning people very early on that I thought that was very rude being the highest of the High Holy days and all. They didn’t seem to care although someone did mention that they would bring it up to the planning committee. Such a thing would never happen in New York. Unfortunately, Tony won’t be coming with me. I would have liked to see him by my side but it just isn’t practical financially and it is a lot of family time all at once. Tony loves my family very much but they aren’t his family and three visits in a month is a lot for him. He also could care less about meeting people I went to high school with. I guess it is just that insecure teenage girl in me that wants to have a boyfriend. What a lame I am. I’ll be meeting up with some good friends beforehand for dinner and in all honesty hearing they were going to be getting together and them saying how great it would be if I came was my main motivation. We’ll see how it goes.
1. In one hand dreams a plenty/ In her smile a secret spell. In her blood disappointments/ These she knows oh too well.
2. I rap for listeners/ Bluntheads, fly ladies, and prisoners/ Hennessey holders and old school niggas then I’ll be dissin/ an unofficial that smoke woolie Thai/ I dropped out of Cooley High
3. It’s too good/ It’s too nice/ She makes me fingers too quick/ Is it love/ No not love/ She turns my sexual tricks
4. I miss you/ But I haven’t met you yet/ So special/ But it hasn’t happened yet
And a special song just for the birthday girl, FRIEND, Happy Birthday Friend! No one but Friend is allowed to name this song even if they know it and they really want to.
5. Now I’m just average common too/ I’m just like him the same as you/ I’m everybody’s brother and son/ I ain’t different than anyone/ Ain’t no use in talking to me/ Just the same as talking to you
Monday, September 10, 2007
WHAT'S TO BECOME OF ME
Something rather tragic has happened. I don’t know what to watch. If you have been reading this blog for any amount of time you know that I LOVE TV. It makes me so happy that I even rent TV. In fact, for the last two years, Tony and I have been renting Angel and Buffy from Netflix. We finished Angel about a year or so ago and have been watching Buffy ever since. Now, before you write me off, please understand that I too was skeptical of these shows. I thought they were crap for ubernerds to watch because they can’t make friends. I was wrong. They are shows for ubernerds to watch when they don’t feel like seeing their friends or would rather enjoy a nice day on the couch. What I am trying to say is that I really underestimated these shows. I am so glad Tony made me watch them. They are good, like Flight of the Conchords good or even Arrested Development good. Granted, they may not appeal to the same audiences and many people will argue with me but the self-aware ridiculousness of them compiled with strong female role-models and a sci-fi twist really makes for quality television.
Anyway, over the weekend we watched Buffy season 7 disc 6, the final disc in our two series 12 season extravaganza. It was quite a wonderful ending I went through every possible emotion which is the mark of a great series finale. It felt finished unlike Angel, which felt finished but rushed. It was though because they received word mid-season that it would be their last. They had to wrap things up pretty quick. Damn those evil network executives who didn’t know that Angel was easily one of the best shows ever it was easily better than Buffy (although some may disagree) but got two less seasons. Crap.
I digress, what I am trying to say is that I no longer know what TV to rent from Netflix. We rented Undeclared since Tony hadn’t seen it and we like that Apatow but, although a fine program that was cancelled before its time, it isn’t as quality as the shows we just finished watching. Someone suggested that we watch Charmed since we like Angel and Buffy so much but, from what I have seen of that show, it isn’t as smart or as funny or as well done and that would just be a huge letdown. We were pushed toward Firefly since we obviously like Joss Whedon but it is just a little too hardcore Sci-fi for us to get into. Whatever should be done? We need help. I fear nothing will ever come close to satisfying my TV renting again.
Don’t tell me to go out and explore the world. I explore when I feel like it and winter just around the corner. Don’t tell me to watch Desperate Housewives or Grey’s Anatomy, I’ve seen little bits of those shows and am simply not impressed. I need humor, witticism, creativity, and the unexpected. I need to never have watched these glorious series so that I can experience them all over again for the first time. I need a show that I have low expectations for to come in and hook me hard, I need a revelation. What, oh what, should I do? I know, reveal the unguessed songs from last week.
1. I went all the way to Paris/ To forget your face/ Captured in stained glass/ Young lives long since past/ Statues of lovers everyplace. History of Us, Indigo Girls
2. Baby your magic is working/ I lose control of myself/ Whenever you are near me/ I feel myself changing/ From a guy thought too cynical for love into a hopeless romantic. Your Magic is Working, Of Montreal
5. I like a girl with caked up make-up/ in the sunshine smoking cigarettes to pass the time/ Who wakes up to a bottle of wine. So Rich, So Pretty, Mickey Avalon
Anyway, over the weekend we watched Buffy season 7 disc 6, the final disc in our two series 12 season extravaganza. It was quite a wonderful ending I went through every possible emotion which is the mark of a great series finale. It felt finished unlike Angel, which felt finished but rushed. It was though because they received word mid-season that it would be their last. They had to wrap things up pretty quick. Damn those evil network executives who didn’t know that Angel was easily one of the best shows ever it was easily better than Buffy (although some may disagree) but got two less seasons. Crap.
I digress, what I am trying to say is that I no longer know what TV to rent from Netflix. We rented Undeclared since Tony hadn’t seen it and we like that Apatow but, although a fine program that was cancelled before its time, it isn’t as quality as the shows we just finished watching. Someone suggested that we watch Charmed since we like Angel and Buffy so much but, from what I have seen of that show, it isn’t as smart or as funny or as well done and that would just be a huge letdown. We were pushed toward Firefly since we obviously like Joss Whedon but it is just a little too hardcore Sci-fi for us to get into. Whatever should be done? We need help. I fear nothing will ever come close to satisfying my TV renting again.
Don’t tell me to go out and explore the world. I explore when I feel like it and winter just around the corner. Don’t tell me to watch Desperate Housewives or Grey’s Anatomy, I’ve seen little bits of those shows and am simply not impressed. I need humor, witticism, creativity, and the unexpected. I need to never have watched these glorious series so that I can experience them all over again for the first time. I need a show that I have low expectations for to come in and hook me hard, I need a revelation. What, oh what, should I do? I know, reveal the unguessed songs from last week.
1. I went all the way to Paris/ To forget your face/ Captured in stained glass/ Young lives long since past/ Statues of lovers everyplace. History of Us, Indigo Girls
2. Baby your magic is working/ I lose control of myself/ Whenever you are near me/ I feel myself changing/ From a guy thought too cynical for love into a hopeless romantic. Your Magic is Working, Of Montreal
5. I like a girl with caked up make-up/ in the sunshine smoking cigarettes to pass the time/ Who wakes up to a bottle of wine. So Rich, So Pretty, Mickey Avalon
Friday, July 27, 2007
EARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND NATALIE IS A STUPID
Today a horrible thing happened. My iPod was slightly destroyed. I think that I will be able to fix it but I am slightly nervous. Lakeiya’s (you can see all posts that include Lakeiya here and the most important one that indroduces her here) last day at the office is today, “sob, cry, wail,” and I made her three CDs to send her off on her way. One is full of soul, one is bubbly happy and fun, and the other isfull of really good songs. They are great CDs. I hope she enjoys them half as much as I do. I wanted to make sure the playlists were on my iPod so that I could enjoy them. I wasn’t sure if they were getting added properly so I synced them to the iPod. MISTAKE!!! It erased everything but those playlists. I should certainly know better but I was half asleep and it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of course my iTunes library is still intact. However, there are some songs on there that I can’t play in iTunes for reasons unknown. It can’t find the source file or something. Anyway, I think I can still put them on the iPod but I’m not sure. I know I can’t put them on CDs. I am so worried. All my Wesly Willis might be lost. Much of me Belle and Sebastian is also in that same boat. I’ll have to wait until I get home to be sure but keep your fingers crossed for me and for my shuffle game. One good thing to come out of it is that I can now clean up my iPod and get rid of all the crap that ended up on it.
Tomorrow my Blog will be one year old. It also happens to be Lakeiya's birthday. I don’t typically post on Saturdays and tomorrow will probably not be an exception to that rule. Because of that, I wanted to give this page a happy birthday a little bit early. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting and making this a happy page. It has become more than something to do to keep me from being bored. It has become something I enjoy and has grown and has allowed me to be introduced to some interesting people. Happy Birthday to you, my Almost Interesting friend and to you my Certainly Interesting but Soon Departing friend.
The one unguessed song from this week:
These are the games that we employ/ I am a girl and you’re a boy/ No matter what you said to me/ I didn’t have the energy. happens to be “The Chair That Squeaks,” by The Rapture. I wouldn’t have known it either.
Of course my iTunes library is still intact. However, there are some songs on there that I can’t play in iTunes for reasons unknown. It can’t find the source file or something. Anyway, I think I can still put them on the iPod but I’m not sure. I know I can’t put them on CDs. I am so worried. All my Wesly Willis might be lost. Much of me Belle and Sebastian is also in that same boat. I’ll have to wait until I get home to be sure but keep your fingers crossed for me and for my shuffle game. One good thing to come out of it is that I can now clean up my iPod and get rid of all the crap that ended up on it.
Tomorrow my Blog will be one year old. It also happens to be Lakeiya's birthday. I don’t typically post on Saturdays and tomorrow will probably not be an exception to that rule. Because of that, I wanted to give this page a happy birthday a little bit early. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting and making this a happy page. It has become more than something to do to keep me from being bored. It has become something I enjoy and has grown and has allowed me to be introduced to some interesting people. Happy Birthday to you, my Almost Interesting friend and to you my Certainly Interesting but Soon Departing friend.
The one unguessed song from this week:
These are the games that we employ/ I am a girl and you’re a boy/ No matter what you said to me/ I didn’t have the energy. happens to be “The Chair That Squeaks,” by The Rapture. I wouldn’t have known it either.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
DOGGONE IT
I have been tagged with a Stuart Smalley Meme that Blog Antagonist created. The theme of the meme is, of course, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, I like me. You have to list ten things you like about yourself. Being a somewhat self-deprecating person (although not so much on my blog) I found this a very hard task. I actually thought about just not tackling it at all for fear of not coming up with ten things. I will come up with ten but some might be pretty stupid. The ten things can be physical, mental, or whatever. Because I’m not all that brave, mine are going to be more mental or whatever than physical. I’m not all that proud of the physical right this second.
1. I have the ability to be truly empathetic. I don’t always use this ability because I can be a bit of a jerk but when it is needed I can empathize with the best of them. People often define empathy as the ability to imagine going through what someone else is going through and thereby understanding their feelings. That only scratches the surface. To truly empathize you have to deeply understand the other person because the way they feel about the situation depends on all their personal history, which is obviously different from yours and see how having their life experiences would change your opinion of the situation. Let me give a real clear cut example. Someone is in a hysterical fit because they misplaced and lost twenty dollars. You imagine losing twenty dollars and can see yourself bummed out and upset and depending on the week maybe slightly stressed but you aren’t in conniptions. Then you look at that person’s situation, they have three children no food in the refrigerator, the rent is due and the power is about to cut off. That twenty means a lot to them. I think empathy is a term many people take very lightly but to truly be helpful to someone you have to take it deeper.
2. I am funny. I’m no comedian and if I set out to make someone laugh I will probably do embarrassing dances or mediocre funny faces and not be all that successful. However, just as far as general conversation goes I tend to be a little bit funny. I think the people who really like me think I am more than a little bit funny. I’m not as funny as some; Monica and Tony have me beat hands down on that one. But I am funny. I also have the ability to pull funny out of bad situations (always remembering that some bad situations can’t be turned into laughter cause of the whole empathy thing) and that can be a good thing.
3. I take care of others before taking care of myself. I realize this is not necessarily a good thing in general. There are times when it can be downright detrimental to my personal wellbeing. Yet, it is something I really take pride in myself for. Not to say that I am never selfish because that would be a lie. I just try to care for those who really need me as much as I possibly can. I think that is one reason I tend to keep friends for a long time.
4. I have a nice smile and I use it. People tell me about my smile all the time and I would have to agree. I am a big smiley cheeseball. I like to see other people smile and me smiling is part of that. I like to see people happy.
5. I’m a thinker. I like to listen to many different ideas and take them all in and think about them and decided which parts I like and which parts I think are suspect. I like to write about what I think about and I often don’t share those thoughts because they are relatively difficult to articulate. I like to think about the nature of reality and humanity, the balance of nature and machine. I think about things I know are true and will impact the world and I think about the mystical and the magic that is surrounding us all. Thinking rules.
6. I am content. Like taking care of others first, this can be a dangerous one. Contentment can lead to apathy and that is never good. However, I have spent so much of my life not being content that it feels incredibly good to say that I am.
7. I like my feet. My feet are incredibly ugly as far as feet go but I have grown to like their grossness and oddities. I like them because they are small and shoes look good on them most of the time. I like them because they have memories and battle scars from everywhere I have been and everything I have done. I spent years and years hating and being scared of all feet (many of you already know this) and I no longer fear toes. Some toes I even like.
8. I trust my instincts and I don’t regret my decisions. If I have a gut feeling about something I’m going to go with it and I’m going to be right. I think that I know what is best for me in the long run and that I’m not going to sabotage myself or do things that I don’t want to do. My decisions often defy logic but I am ok with that. If I feel something is right I have to go for it. I certainly have steered myself in wrong directions before but I have always learned something from going the wrong way and that is ok.
9. My taste in clothes truly reflects me. Back in the day I dressed in a way that I thought would make me “cool” or make me fit in. By Jr. and Sr. year of High School I was pretty much over that. Once I went to college I didn’t look as strange as I did in High school because everyone at Sarah Lawrence is kind of a freak. Since college I have calmed down somewhat and settled more into myself and my clothes have calmed down as well but some days I know it is time for a Mushroom Dress. I’ll take friends opinions into consideration but when something is right for me it just is right and I have to go with it.
10. In general, I’m a cute girl. Sure, half the weight I lost last year is back and I’m none to pleased about it but at least it isn’t all back. I think I’m relatively well proportioned even though my proportions are bigger than ideal. I like my face a lot and I have nice hair that goes boing. People think I am younger than I am (although not much younger as they used to) and that makes me smile. Cute is a just fine thing to be.
Ok that was incredibly difficult. By thing 5 I thought I was pretty much done with everything and I had to stretch a little (see #7) but after finishing I kind of want to smile. I’m not tagging anyone with this. It is just too hard. However, if you want to do it you should. I will admit that you may feel pretty happy with yourself when you are done.
I forgot my iPod at home today!!!! Oh No!!!! so I can’t add any new songs to the shuffle. Here is the one still unguessed from yesterday.
1. These are the games that we employ/ I am a girl and you’re a boy/ No matter what you said to me/ I didn’t have the energy.
1. I have the ability to be truly empathetic. I don’t always use this ability because I can be a bit of a jerk but when it is needed I can empathize with the best of them. People often define empathy as the ability to imagine going through what someone else is going through and thereby understanding their feelings. That only scratches the surface. To truly empathize you have to deeply understand the other person because the way they feel about the situation depends on all their personal history, which is obviously different from yours and see how having their life experiences would change your opinion of the situation. Let me give a real clear cut example. Someone is in a hysterical fit because they misplaced and lost twenty dollars. You imagine losing twenty dollars and can see yourself bummed out and upset and depending on the week maybe slightly stressed but you aren’t in conniptions. Then you look at that person’s situation, they have three children no food in the refrigerator, the rent is due and the power is about to cut off. That twenty means a lot to them. I think empathy is a term many people take very lightly but to truly be helpful to someone you have to take it deeper.
2. I am funny. I’m no comedian and if I set out to make someone laugh I will probably do embarrassing dances or mediocre funny faces and not be all that successful. However, just as far as general conversation goes I tend to be a little bit funny. I think the people who really like me think I am more than a little bit funny. I’m not as funny as some; Monica and Tony have me beat hands down on that one. But I am funny. I also have the ability to pull funny out of bad situations (always remembering that some bad situations can’t be turned into laughter cause of the whole empathy thing) and that can be a good thing.
3. I take care of others before taking care of myself. I realize this is not necessarily a good thing in general. There are times when it can be downright detrimental to my personal wellbeing. Yet, it is something I really take pride in myself for. Not to say that I am never selfish because that would be a lie. I just try to care for those who really need me as much as I possibly can. I think that is one reason I tend to keep friends for a long time.
4. I have a nice smile and I use it. People tell me about my smile all the time and I would have to agree. I am a big smiley cheeseball. I like to see other people smile and me smiling is part of that. I like to see people happy.
5. I’m a thinker. I like to listen to many different ideas and take them all in and think about them and decided which parts I like and which parts I think are suspect. I like to write about what I think about and I often don’t share those thoughts because they are relatively difficult to articulate. I like to think about the nature of reality and humanity, the balance of nature and machine. I think about things I know are true and will impact the world and I think about the mystical and the magic that is surrounding us all. Thinking rules.
6. I am content. Like taking care of others first, this can be a dangerous one. Contentment can lead to apathy and that is never good. However, I have spent so much of my life not being content that it feels incredibly good to say that I am.
7. I like my feet. My feet are incredibly ugly as far as feet go but I have grown to like their grossness and oddities. I like them because they are small and shoes look good on them most of the time. I like them because they have memories and battle scars from everywhere I have been and everything I have done. I spent years and years hating and being scared of all feet (many of you already know this) and I no longer fear toes. Some toes I even like.
8. I trust my instincts and I don’t regret my decisions. If I have a gut feeling about something I’m going to go with it and I’m going to be right. I think that I know what is best for me in the long run and that I’m not going to sabotage myself or do things that I don’t want to do. My decisions often defy logic but I am ok with that. If I feel something is right I have to go for it. I certainly have steered myself in wrong directions before but I have always learned something from going the wrong way and that is ok.
9. My taste in clothes truly reflects me. Back in the day I dressed in a way that I thought would make me “cool” or make me fit in. By Jr. and Sr. year of High School I was pretty much over that. Once I went to college I didn’t look as strange as I did in High school because everyone at Sarah Lawrence is kind of a freak. Since college I have calmed down somewhat and settled more into myself and my clothes have calmed down as well but some days I know it is time for a Mushroom Dress. I’ll take friends opinions into consideration but when something is right for me it just is right and I have to go with it.
10. In general, I’m a cute girl. Sure, half the weight I lost last year is back and I’m none to pleased about it but at least it isn’t all back. I think I’m relatively well proportioned even though my proportions are bigger than ideal. I like my face a lot and I have nice hair that goes boing. People think I am younger than I am (although not much younger as they used to) and that makes me smile. Cute is a just fine thing to be.
Ok that was incredibly difficult. By thing 5 I thought I was pretty much done with everything and I had to stretch a little (see #7) but after finishing I kind of want to smile. I’m not tagging anyone with this. It is just too hard. However, if you want to do it you should. I will admit that you may feel pretty happy with yourself when you are done.
I forgot my iPod at home today!!!! Oh No!!!! so I can’t add any new songs to the shuffle. Here is the one still unguessed from yesterday.
1. These are the games that we employ/ I am a girl and you’re a boy/ No matter what you said to me/ I didn’t have the energy.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
COME DISCONNECT THE DOTS
There are 38 days remaining until our office move. The moving coordinator is trying desperately to instill a sense of urgency in the staff but we just don’t care. It isn’t that we’re apathetic, although we are. It’s simply that it is hard to get excited about moving to a space that you have only seen on a large piece of foamcore. It’s a nice looking piece of foamcore and all but it just isn’t the same as actual space.
Our initial task is to put dots on things. Red dots are for items that are going to be thrown away and green dots are coming with us. The thing is, since I haven’t seen my new office, I don’t really know exactly what I want to bring with me. I have a big table that holds all my teaching materials. My boss seems to think that it should go. However, if I don’t have it I don’t know where I will keep my teaching materials. Will they get me a new table? Is there room for a table in my new office? No one seems to have answers for me.
The Executive Director and the Moving Coordinator suggested that I keep my desk. I told them I can but the bottom left drawer doesn’t open. They said I can put a red dot on it. Although I am excited at the prospect of a new desk, I am having visions of arriving to my new office and being deskless. I also have red dots on all my file cabinets because they don’t lock or they have locks and no keys. We are now to be required to lock all cabinets containing private information. Duh, we should have been doing that already. At least my office door is always locked so I feel a little better about the confidential stuffs in here. Anyway, I am picturing myself sitting in my chair, the only piece of furniture with a green dot amid a pile of student files, teaching materials, and random desk crap. It sounds awful.
I also don’t know how I can get the rest of my stuff ready for the move. I know I am supposed to purge things but the problem is that I don’t really have all that much to purge. My office, which I inherited, has all these old pictures on the wall of students, employees, and employers gone past. I know who maybe two of them are. If it were up to me, the pictures would all get red dots. I don’t want them in my new space. I don’t think I can throw them away though. Maybe someone else will want them in their new space? I just don’t want to deal with stuff that isn’t mine. In addition to the pictures I have a bunch of books, magazines, and assorted gunk that came with the office. I guess I can just toss it. That will feel kind of nice.
The biggest hassle about the move is that I have to take all my shoes home. The Eight or so pairs of heels that live under my desk are quite happy there and don’t’ really want to be carted back to my apartment and then brought to the new office. I thought about throwing them in the moving bins we will eventually be getting but we have been instructed to bring home “personal items”. I would assume that includes my shoes. If there is room in my bins they are so going in there. Screw it.
One wind song left. Four random new ones.
1. I listen to the wind/ To the wind of my soul/ Where I’ll end up well I think/ Only God really knows. The Wind of my Soul, Cat Stevens. Identified by Mood Indigo
2. Once I had a love and it was a gas/ Soon turned out had a heart of glass/ Seemed like the real thing, only to find/ Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind. Heart of Glass, Blondie. Identified by Katrina
3. Oh Elise it doesn't matter what you say/ I just can't stay here every yesterday/ Like keep on acting out the same. A Letter to Elise, The Cure. Identified by Danielle
4. These are the games that we employ/ I am a girl and you’re a boy/ No matter what you said to me/ I didn’t have the energy.
5. Can you hear them/ The helicopters/ Are in New York/ No need for words now/ We sit in silence. This Mess We're In, PJ Harvey featuring Thom Yorke. Identified by WLFG
Our initial task is to put dots on things. Red dots are for items that are going to be thrown away and green dots are coming with us. The thing is, since I haven’t seen my new office, I don’t really know exactly what I want to bring with me. I have a big table that holds all my teaching materials. My boss seems to think that it should go. However, if I don’t have it I don’t know where I will keep my teaching materials. Will they get me a new table? Is there room for a table in my new office? No one seems to have answers for me.
The Executive Director and the Moving Coordinator suggested that I keep my desk. I told them I can but the bottom left drawer doesn’t open. They said I can put a red dot on it. Although I am excited at the prospect of a new desk, I am having visions of arriving to my new office and being deskless. I also have red dots on all my file cabinets because they don’t lock or they have locks and no keys. We are now to be required to lock all cabinets containing private information. Duh, we should have been doing that already. At least my office door is always locked so I feel a little better about the confidential stuffs in here. Anyway, I am picturing myself sitting in my chair, the only piece of furniture with a green dot amid a pile of student files, teaching materials, and random desk crap. It sounds awful.
I also don’t know how I can get the rest of my stuff ready for the move. I know I am supposed to purge things but the problem is that I don’t really have all that much to purge. My office, which I inherited, has all these old pictures on the wall of students, employees, and employers gone past. I know who maybe two of them are. If it were up to me, the pictures would all get red dots. I don’t want them in my new space. I don’t think I can throw them away though. Maybe someone else will want them in their new space? I just don’t want to deal with stuff that isn’t mine. In addition to the pictures I have a bunch of books, magazines, and assorted gunk that came with the office. I guess I can just toss it. That will feel kind of nice.
The biggest hassle about the move is that I have to take all my shoes home. The Eight or so pairs of heels that live under my desk are quite happy there and don’t’ really want to be carted back to my apartment and then brought to the new office. I thought about throwing them in the moving bins we will eventually be getting but we have been instructed to bring home “personal items”. I would assume that includes my shoes. If there is room in my bins they are so going in there. Screw it.
One wind song left. Four random new ones.
1. I listen to the wind/ To the wind of my soul/ Where I’ll end up well I think/ Only God really knows. The Wind of my Soul, Cat Stevens. Identified by Mood Indigo
2. Once I had a love and it was a gas/ Soon turned out had a heart of glass/ Seemed like the real thing, only to find/ Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind. Heart of Glass, Blondie. Identified by Katrina
3. Oh Elise it doesn't matter what you say/ I just can't stay here every yesterday/ Like keep on acting out the same. A Letter to Elise, The Cure. Identified by Danielle
4. These are the games that we employ/ I am a girl and you’re a boy/ No matter what you said to me/ I didn’t have the energy.
5. Can you hear them/ The helicopters/ Are in New York/ No need for words now/ We sit in silence. This Mess We're In, PJ Harvey featuring Thom Yorke. Identified by WLFG
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
FADE OUT AGAIN
It was a strange morning. Nothing quite fit. Although the train was arriving just as I reached the platform, which is usually a good sign, it didn’t quite pull all the way into the station and the doors remained shut. People began to pile up behind the doors, jockeying for position to get on first. I stood back in my normal position, expecting the train to pull up and match my stance. That never happened. Inside the train, I could see the conductor walking back and forth, back and forth, opening doors, pulling handles, and not letting anyone on. It was excruciating. Finally, the door to my left opened, although the one directly in front of me remained closed. I slipped into the car and made it down to the end past where the door was still shut, past he people I had been waiting behind. I sat in the single person seat, my favorite, and waited.
The conductor came and manually opened the closed door. I wondered why more people hadn’t moved to the open door like I did. I always wonder why it is that groups of people will only make a change if many people in the group all decide to change at the same time. Individuals have much more freedom to alter the norm. The people who had been waiting outside gave me an odd look. They appeared confused that I had managed to enter the train and make it to a seat before them as they were standing closer to the door than I. It really wasn’t that hard to do, I had the freedom of one. Plus, it was hot outside and the train had air conditioning. I wasn’t about to wait for a door that had to be manually opened, what was that about? Even once the conductor opened the door the train wouldn’t move. I don’t think the door wanted to close. People continued to file in, creating a standing room only situation. This is not a good development at the fourth stop from the start of the line. It was going to be a rough morning for some but not for me. I had my little corner of the train, I had my space, and I was ok.
After two more stops the train was officially packed. I politely sat in my seat, reading my paper, listening to The Bends, and smiling because I was glad that I chose to live so far north. I don’t mind standing on the way home from work but, on the way in, I need my peace. I need to come into the day alone. The conductor came on the loudspeaker and said our train was going to run express from Thorndale to Addison, which is a long way, people seemed relieved. They thought that skipping many stops would ease their commute. They contemplated a little more peace. They were wrong. Hoards of people swarmed onto the train at Addison, people were packed in like it was a 5pm train headed north to an evening Cubs game; poor people. I was ok.
As the train pulled into the Lake Street station, people jockeyed for position so that they could either get off or stay on with as little movement as possible. The one drawback to the single person seat is that you have a long way to go to the door on a crowded train. I sometimes fear that I won’t make it in time. I fear that the train will kidnap me and drag me unwillingly to Monroe. Now that Washington station is closed it is a bigger deal to miss my stop. Luckily, I made it out. I always make it out; I just fear that I won’t. It’s one of those unfounded fears that really has no consequences. Even if my fear is realized I will be fine. Regardless, it causes me a slight twinge of stress every morning.
As I got off the train, my album came to a close. Street Spirit (Fade Out) seeped into my ears. I approached the escalator and saw that it was not working. The person in front of me was walking slower than my natural speed making me feel like I was plodding along at a snails pace embedded in the herd and unable to break free. Why is it that walking up an escalator that isn’t moving is more difficult than walking up one that is moving? When the escalator is stopped, it feels as if the steps are placed at just the right intervals to make you uncomfortable. Yet, when moving, they feel just right. I felt trapped. In leaving my personal seat on the train I had given up my freedom, I became part of the herd. I focused on the shoes of the woman in front of me. I willed her to move faster. I hoped that I could break free. I couldn’t. I was stuck. In my ears the words came through loud and clear:
This machine will, will not communicate
1. Well my name is Young MC and I’m cold rockin’ the house/ I came up into the place and now I’m turning it out.
2. My baby’s always dancing/ And it wouldn't be a bad thing/ But I don't get no loving/ And that's no lie.
3. The creator of what’s now cliché/ Had some funny words to say/ all you little things are incomplete/ Why did he speak of us that way.
4. Nothing you could say would tear me away from my guy/ Nothing you could do cause I’m stuck like glue to my guy. My Guy, Mary Wells. Identified by Katrina
5. I would say I‘m sorry if I thought that it would change your mind/ But I know that this time I have said too much/ been too unkind. Boys Don't Cry, The Cure. Identified by Monica
The conductor came and manually opened the closed door. I wondered why more people hadn’t moved to the open door like I did. I always wonder why it is that groups of people will only make a change if many people in the group all decide to change at the same time. Individuals have much more freedom to alter the norm. The people who had been waiting outside gave me an odd look. They appeared confused that I had managed to enter the train and make it to a seat before them as they were standing closer to the door than I. It really wasn’t that hard to do, I had the freedom of one. Plus, it was hot outside and the train had air conditioning. I wasn’t about to wait for a door that had to be manually opened, what was that about? Even once the conductor opened the door the train wouldn’t move. I don’t think the door wanted to close. People continued to file in, creating a standing room only situation. This is not a good development at the fourth stop from the start of the line. It was going to be a rough morning for some but not for me. I had my little corner of the train, I had my space, and I was ok.
After two more stops the train was officially packed. I politely sat in my seat, reading my paper, listening to The Bends, and smiling because I was glad that I chose to live so far north. I don’t mind standing on the way home from work but, on the way in, I need my peace. I need to come into the day alone. The conductor came on the loudspeaker and said our train was going to run express from Thorndale to Addison, which is a long way, people seemed relieved. They thought that skipping many stops would ease their commute. They contemplated a little more peace. They were wrong. Hoards of people swarmed onto the train at Addison, people were packed in like it was a 5pm train headed north to an evening Cubs game; poor people. I was ok.
As the train pulled into the Lake Street station, people jockeyed for position so that they could either get off or stay on with as little movement as possible. The one drawback to the single person seat is that you have a long way to go to the door on a crowded train. I sometimes fear that I won’t make it in time. I fear that the train will kidnap me and drag me unwillingly to Monroe. Now that Washington station is closed it is a bigger deal to miss my stop. Luckily, I made it out. I always make it out; I just fear that I won’t. It’s one of those unfounded fears that really has no consequences. Even if my fear is realized I will be fine. Regardless, it causes me a slight twinge of stress every morning.
As I got off the train, my album came to a close. Street Spirit (Fade Out) seeped into my ears. I approached the escalator and saw that it was not working. The person in front of me was walking slower than my natural speed making me feel like I was plodding along at a snails pace embedded in the herd and unable to break free. Why is it that walking up an escalator that isn’t moving is more difficult than walking up one that is moving? When the escalator is stopped, it feels as if the steps are placed at just the right intervals to make you uncomfortable. Yet, when moving, they feel just right. I felt trapped. In leaving my personal seat on the train I had given up my freedom, I became part of the herd. I focused on the shoes of the woman in front of me. I willed her to move faster. I hoped that I could break free. I couldn’t. I was stuck. In my ears the words came through loud and clear:
This machine will, will not communicate
These thoughts and the strain I am under
Be a world child, form a circle
Before we all go under
And fade out again and fade out again
We get a bunch of new, and relatively easy, songs today. Yeah!
1. Well my name is Young MC and I’m cold rockin’ the house/ I came up into the place and now I’m turning it out.
2. My baby’s always dancing/ And it wouldn't be a bad thing/ But I don't get no loving/ And that's no lie.
3. The creator of what’s now cliché/ Had some funny words to say/ all you little things are incomplete/ Why did he speak of us that way.
4. Nothing you could say would tear me away from my guy/ Nothing you could do cause I’m stuck like glue to my guy. My Guy, Mary Wells. Identified by Katrina
5. I would say I‘m sorry if I thought that it would change your mind/ But I know that this time I have said too much/ been too unkind. Boys Don't Cry, The Cure. Identified by Monica
Thursday, June 07, 2007
TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT
Today things started to feel like they were going back to normal. I only had one Volunteer session to teach and I was able to get a lot taken care of as far as my contract goes. I even had time to take the client folders that we get and put them into well organized sectioned and pronged folders so they can easily be looked at by auditors. I had two groups of folders, ones with all the necessary information already in them and some that needed me to put in the signature page that certifies if a client meets contract requirements. If some things are missing here and there it could be ok as long as the signature page is there and completed fully.
I finished the first group of folders and went to grab the signature pages that I keep in a folder on the right-hand corner of my desk to get the second grou going. They weren’t there. I decided they must be under some other papers so I looked all over my desk. They were nowhere to be found. The folders had the signature pages of all potential clients for the contract from April to the present. They represented at least thirty people toward the 95 person contract goal. If I lost that many clients there would be no way that I would meet my contract requirements.
I tore my office apart. I looked in other offices that I occasionally visited even though I knew I would never take my signature pages with me. I thought about what I was going to say to my supervisor. I thought about what I was going to say to my contact in Springfield. I thought about crawling under my desk to hide.
Hours later, while talking on the phone, I looked to my left. There, in the file pockets hanging on my wall were the very folders I was looking for. It came flooding back to me. I remembered cleaning my desk and realizing that I didn’t want to put the pages away but needed to make some room. I remembered noticing the file pockets on the wall that I never ever use and thinking that it would be a good time to start using them. I remembered putting the files there, in plain view, at arm’s length. I breathed again.
I am one of those people who lives well with clutter. I understand my clutter and know where things are within it. It makes sense to me. There is a certain method to it. Give me a stack of papers a foot high and I’ll know where in that stack the thing I need to find is. Not that I habitually keep foot tall stacks on my desk but you get the picture. It’s when I put things away that they get lost.
And now, because my Mom asked for it and I sometimes do what my Mom wants, here is a description of “The Jar Method”. There are tons of versions of “The Jar Method” out there but this is the one we use in class. The rocks can be used to represent all kinds of things depending on what point you are trying to make.
1. Get a large jar. This jar represents the time you have available in life.
2. Get some large rocks- These represent the big things that you have to do in life
3. Get some pebbles- These represent the things you enjoy doing
4. Get some sand- This represents all the little things you have to do
5. Have some water on hand- This represents the extra mess
Fill your jar with large rocks until you can’t fill anymore. Your jar is now full with major and urgent events. Add your pebbles to the jar and shake the jar so they fill in all the cracks between the large rocks. This shows how much fun you can still fit in life when you deal with the big things first. Then pour in some sand it will seep to the bottom filling all the empty space just as all the little things can be fit into your life when you manage your time well. Imagine picking up your jar and noticing how much it weighs. Then pour in the water and watch how much heavier it becomes. The water represents all the ways you allow stress seep in and weigh you down.
Now think about doing this in the reverse order. If you filled your jar with water first it is likely that you could fit a decent amount of sand inside. You might even get in a pebble or two. However, when you try to add large rocks, they aren't going to fit. Even if you eliminated the water, you can’t fit many large rocks into a jar filled with sand and pebbles. Keeping this in mind will help you decide what tasks in life you should tackle first so that you have room for everything you need to accomplish.
1. I’ll do anything/ For my sweet sixteen/ And I’d do anything/ For little runaway child
2. Though you may not drive/ A great big Cadillac/ Gangsta whitewalls/ TV antennas in the back. Be Thankful, not by Curtis Mayfield or Massive Attack (who is it??). Partly identified by Ern
3. This here’s a cheer for all the fellas/ Trying to do what those ladies tell us/ Get shot down cause you’re overzealous/ Play hard to get females get jealous. Bust A Move, Young MC. Identified by my parents.
4. People are strange/ When you’re a stranger/ Faces look ugly/ When you’re alone. People are Strange, The Doors. Identified by Lizza
5. Growing up it was just me and my mom against the world/ And all my sympathies were with her/ When I was a little girl
I finished the first group of folders and went to grab the signature pages that I keep in a folder on the right-hand corner of my desk to get the second grou going. They weren’t there. I decided they must be under some other papers so I looked all over my desk. They were nowhere to be found. The folders had the signature pages of all potential clients for the contract from April to the present. They represented at least thirty people toward the 95 person contract goal. If I lost that many clients there would be no way that I would meet my contract requirements.
I tore my office apart. I looked in other offices that I occasionally visited even though I knew I would never take my signature pages with me. I thought about what I was going to say to my supervisor. I thought about what I was going to say to my contact in Springfield. I thought about crawling under my desk to hide.
Hours later, while talking on the phone, I looked to my left. There, in the file pockets hanging on my wall were the very folders I was looking for. It came flooding back to me. I remembered cleaning my desk and realizing that I didn’t want to put the pages away but needed to make some room. I remembered noticing the file pockets on the wall that I never ever use and thinking that it would be a good time to start using them. I remembered putting the files there, in plain view, at arm’s length. I breathed again.
I am one of those people who lives well with clutter. I understand my clutter and know where things are within it. It makes sense to me. There is a certain method to it. Give me a stack of papers a foot high and I’ll know where in that stack the thing I need to find is. Not that I habitually keep foot tall stacks on my desk but you get the picture. It’s when I put things away that they get lost.
And now, because my Mom asked for it and I sometimes do what my Mom wants, here is a description of “The Jar Method”. There are tons of versions of “The Jar Method” out there but this is the one we use in class. The rocks can be used to represent all kinds of things depending on what point you are trying to make.
1. Get a large jar. This jar represents the time you have available in life.
2. Get some large rocks- These represent the big things that you have to do in life
3. Get some pebbles- These represent the things you enjoy doing
4. Get some sand- This represents all the little things you have to do
5. Have some water on hand- This represents the extra mess
Fill your jar with large rocks until you can’t fill anymore. Your jar is now full with major and urgent events. Add your pebbles to the jar and shake the jar so they fill in all the cracks between the large rocks. This shows how much fun you can still fit in life when you deal with the big things first. Then pour in some sand it will seep to the bottom filling all the empty space just as all the little things can be fit into your life when you manage your time well. Imagine picking up your jar and noticing how much it weighs. Then pour in the water and watch how much heavier it becomes. The water represents all the ways you allow stress seep in and weigh you down.
Now think about doing this in the reverse order. If you filled your jar with water first it is likely that you could fit a decent amount of sand inside. You might even get in a pebble or two. However, when you try to add large rocks, they aren't going to fit. Even if you eliminated the water, you can’t fit many large rocks into a jar filled with sand and pebbles. Keeping this in mind will help you decide what tasks in life you should tackle first so that you have room for everything you need to accomplish.
1. I’ll do anything/ For my sweet sixteen/ And I’d do anything/ For little runaway child
2. Though you may not drive/ A great big Cadillac/ Gangsta whitewalls/ TV antennas in the back. Be Thankful, not by Curtis Mayfield or Massive Attack (who is it??). Partly identified by Ern
3. This here’s a cheer for all the fellas/ Trying to do what those ladies tell us/ Get shot down cause you’re overzealous/ Play hard to get females get jealous. Bust A Move, Young MC. Identified by my parents.
4. People are strange/ When you’re a stranger/ Faces look ugly/ When you’re alone. People are Strange, The Doors. Identified by Lizza
5. Growing up it was just me and my mom against the world/ And all my sympathies were with her/ When I was a little girl
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A MONTHS VACATION SOMEWHERE ELSE
They are coming. There is nothing I can do about it but wait and be grossed out. People tell me not to be afraid, that they are harmless, fleeting. I can’t help it. They are disgusting, terrifying, and loud. They could be here any day. Yes, people, I am talking about the cicadas.
They are huge (1-2 inches) and loud (up to 106db) and super scary and gross looking. They burrow out from the ground and strive to climb as high as possible. In a city environment, that may only mean to the tops of blades of grass so be careful where you walk. The lucky ones that climb threes will have nice cozy spots to transition from the nymph to adult phase leaving gross molted cicada cases all over the place.
I am terrified. I realize that these creatures do not bite or sting or do anything particularly bad except make a loud noise and exist in large amounts. Many people I have talked to think I am overreacting. Last night, my Mom told me that they have to lie undisturbed in the ground for 17 years and that in my rapidly developing community it didn’t seem likely that much area would have been disturbed for that long. I told her they go deep and there are plenty of places that probably haven’t been disturbed. Lakeiya told me that she isn’t scared, just annoyed. She is always so gosh darned rational. She said if one landed on her she would be freaked out for about 15 seconds and get over it.
If one lands on me I will lose my mind. I will be afraid to go out for days after it happens. In fact, once I saw on the news this morning that they could appear any second I was afraid to go out. On my walk to work I looked down and looked up and listened carefully (to the Eagles of Death Metal because these things are so loud it doesn’t matter that I have headphones on) hoping and fearing catching sight of mounds of dirt resembling large ant hills or gross creatures clinging to plant surfaces. I didn’t see any but it doesn’t mean they weren’t there.
I am seriously thinking of walking around with an umbrella open on warm and sunny days to avoid a cicada or the molted skin of a cicada landing in my hair. Am I being extreme? Maybe, but look at these things.
EEEEEWWWWWWWW, disgusting.
They are huge (1-2 inches) and loud (up to 106db) and super scary and gross looking. They burrow out from the ground and strive to climb as high as possible. In a city environment, that may only mean to the tops of blades of grass so be careful where you walk. The lucky ones that climb threes will have nice cozy spots to transition from the nymph to adult phase leaving gross molted cicada cases all over the place.
I am terrified. I realize that these creatures do not bite or sting or do anything particularly bad except make a loud noise and exist in large amounts. Many people I have talked to think I am overreacting. Last night, my Mom told me that they have to lie undisturbed in the ground for 17 years and that in my rapidly developing community it didn’t seem likely that much area would have been disturbed for that long. I told her they go deep and there are plenty of places that probably haven’t been disturbed. Lakeiya told me that she isn’t scared, just annoyed. She is always so gosh darned rational. She said if one landed on her she would be freaked out for about 15 seconds and get over it.
If one lands on me I will lose my mind. I will be afraid to go out for days after it happens. In fact, once I saw on the news this morning that they could appear any second I was afraid to go out. On my walk to work I looked down and looked up and listened carefully (to the Eagles of Death Metal because these things are so loud it doesn’t matter that I have headphones on) hoping and fearing catching sight of mounds of dirt resembling large ant hills or gross creatures clinging to plant surfaces. I didn’t see any but it doesn’t mean they weren’t there.
I am seriously thinking of walking around with an umbrella open on warm and sunny days to avoid a cicada or the molted skin of a cicada landing in my hair. Am I being extreme? Maybe, but look at these things.
EEEEEWWWWWWWW, disgusting.Wish me luck.
1. Andy/ Would bicycle across town/ In the rain to bring you candy/ And John would buy the gown/ For you to wear to the prom/ With Tom/ The astronomer who’d name a star for you.
2. No words to say/ No words to convey/ This feeling inside/ I have for you. For You, Tracy Chapman. Identified by CSMC
3. Desmond has a barrel in the marketplace/ Molly is the singer in a band. Ob-la-di Ob-la-da, The Beatles. Identified by Jeff
4. Lime green lime green and tangerine/ The sickly sweet colors of the snakes I’ve seen. Wrong Number, The Cure. Identified by Brooke.
5. Girl close your eyes/ Let that rhythm get into you/ Don’t try to fight it/ There ain’t nothing that you can do. Rock With You, Michael Jackson. Identified by Brooke.
1. Andy/ Would bicycle across town/ In the rain to bring you candy/ And John would buy the gown/ For you to wear to the prom/ With Tom/ The astronomer who’d name a star for you.
2. No words to say/ No words to convey/ This feeling inside/ I have for you. For You, Tracy Chapman. Identified by CSMC
3. Desmond has a barrel in the marketplace/ Molly is the singer in a band. Ob-la-di Ob-la-da, The Beatles. Identified by Jeff
4. Lime green lime green and tangerine/ The sickly sweet colors of the snakes I’ve seen. Wrong Number, The Cure. Identified by Brooke.
5. Girl close your eyes/ Let that rhythm get into you/ Don’t try to fight it/ There ain’t nothing that you can do. Rock With You, Michael Jackson. Identified by Brooke.
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