GUEST BLOGGER: MAGDALENA HOTTENTOT

I moved into this quaint one bedroom house and furnished it sparsely, but tastefully. I started to wonder what kind of people would come into my life. I’m a quiet person who doesn’t need a lot of contact with others and has a strong thirst for knowledge. After I got settled into my new home, my neighbors, the Smith family stopped by for introductions. I immediately hit it off with Jenny. Although plain, she and I got along wonderfully. I can’t say the same about her husband, Pollination Tech 9. It isn’t that I don’t like aliens it’s that I don’t like old people. The elderly creep me out with their hunched backs and their slow moving ways. I ignored him and continued talking to Jenny.

Over the next few days things happened very quickly. I got a job as a paramedic and spent the time I wasn’t at work with Jenny. Then one night she kissed me goodbye. That was it, I was in love. I asked her to move in with me and couldn’t wait for her to leave that gross old husband of hers. She agreed to come and live with me but couldn’t quite bring herself to officially leave Pollination Tech 9. It was a real mess; he caught us kissing and had the nerve to start a fight with her in front of our home. It got pretty physical but she kicked his ass. I really wanted her to leave him but she kept telling me it just wasn’t an option.

Much to my dismay, I found out that Jenny was no spring chicken after she moved in. In fact, she was destined to grow old in three days. I had to do something to remedy this situation because I hate old people so I got some Elixir of Life to keep her young and pretty. I also got her a serious makeover, that ponytail was doing nothing for her. Now she is almost as cute as me. Jenny also works in the medical field but I thought that our overlapping careers were a little creepy. No matter, I had a real urge to become a criminal mastermind so I quit medicine and became a pickpocket. Things were looking a little too wholesome in the Hottentot house and I needed to spice things up.

Jenny had to go over to her old house to celebrate her teenage son growing up into a man. I suppose the fact that she had a teenage son should have clued me into the fact that she was not as young as she appeared. It didn’t matter, that elixir was doing wonders. Back at the old abode, they got into another fight and it was the last straw, they broke off the marriage. It was the best thing that could have happened. As soon as she came home I asked her to be mine and she said yes. We planned a small wedding at home and invited a few close friends. We did NOT invite Pollination tech 9 but he came anyway. I had to ask him to leave.

Ever since we have been back from our amazingly refreshing honeymoon Pollination Tech 9 has been trying to ruin our lives. He comes by early in the morning and steals our newspaper. He comes by late at night and kicks over our garbage can. This is quite a problem because the garbage lying out sometimes brings roaches. I can’t tell you how much we have spent on bringing the exterminator to our house time and time again.

Jenny and I are managing though and actually are enjoying each others company quite a bit. We spend our time playing chess, swimming in our new pool, and watching The Yummy Channel. However, it seems there is something missing in our lives, it might be time to call up the adoption agency. Jenny has been promoted to a surgeon and I am bringing in good money as a Bookie. It just may be that time.

1. Well they say that birds do it/ Bees do it/ Time the freak Money B gets to it

2. If the music make you move/ Cause you can dig the groove/ Groove on/ Groove on

3. Went down to the mountain I was drinking some wine/ Looked up in the heaven Lawd I saw a mighty sign

4. What’s the matter/ Why don’t you answer/ What’s the matter with me

5. Let’s get out of this country/ I’ll admit I’m bored of me/ I drowned my sorrows and slept around/ When not in body at least in mind. Let's Get Out Of This Country. Identified by Monica