Annual Crock

Today was the Annual Recognition Luncheon. As I think I previously mentioned, this is the time when we try to make people cry so that they give us money. I don’t think anyone cried this year. One of the main reasons for that may have been that the acoustics were so poor in the room that it was pretty hard to hear any of the speakers. I also don’t think we had any particularly hard luck stories to share. What a waste.

I worked the registration table and got to see all the people coming in. Unfortunately, there was not so much Tina Turner hair. Mostly just people all suited up looking normal. The clients, who often come a little inappropriately dressed, were all looking quite professional. That is a good thing, but not particularly entertaining. The students are always told to dress up and my favorite was when they all showed up in hooker dresses and strappy stilettos. One guy pissed me off because he came and asked me for his table, which I gave him, then forgot and came back to ask me which one it was again. He looked at me like I was the idiot because I asked his name again when he couldn’t remember 23. Now, I had been checking in hundreds of people so why would I remember some particularly unremarkable man? So I looked quickly and I guess gave him the wrong table (I think I gave him the number of the person below him) so he came back and got all attitude having like “YOU TOLD ME IT WAS 12” I just said sorry and continued with my duties because I am a certified customer service specialist and that is what I should do. However, I wanted to tell him that he was some stuffy dick who simply knew someone who gave us money and doesn’t even give a fuck about the cause himself and he could just kiss my ass. But I didn’t do that so I was proud of myself.

There were some really official men who weren’t trying to check in so I asked if I could help them, their response was “We’re in the Mayor’s detail,” and then I noticed their secret service type ear thingies. They must have been important. They went in and cased the joint and nodded. Seemingly deciding that it was acceptable for the mayor to enter. Now I was at the registration table and I didn’t see the guy come by. I think he must have come in through some secret back mayor way. His speech was fine. It was all about education and how important that was. There was some lady speaking that seemed to be MCing the event and she seemed like a hot mess to me. I think her name was Stella something. Apparently she is some journalist person and knows simply everyone. The keynote speaker was Bill Kurtis, he is some other journalist person who I don’t know about because I don’t watch NBC or read the Sun Times because the tribune is a much better paper and when I do read the paper it is that one and I get my news from Stewart and Colbert (and other things of course). So Bill Kurtis was talking and I couldn’t really hear cause of the poor acoustics but one thing I did hear was the word foreskin. I wasn’t really sure why he would be talking about foreskin but people laughed. I later found out it was some joke about an IRS guy auditing a Rabbi. Apparently it was pretty funny and the punch line was something about collecting foreskin and the IRS sending around a prick every once in a while.

The best thing about the luncheon was the little apples with goat cheese in the middle of them on the salad (although if the apples had been cored they would have been much easier to eat) and the molten lava cake with lemon sauce and raspberries for dessert. The vegetarian meal was essentially a bunch of potatoes and mushrooms in a lemon sauce, it was ok but what kind of dish is that? At first glance I thought it was a poor attempt at mousaka (sp?) but it couldn’t have been cause that would be too sad. Oh and when I asked the waitress if they had vegetarian meals she was like, you should have told me you needed one when we got the salad, she needed my class.

Another thing the Luncheon could have used was music, such as:

Apache Rose Peacock, Red Hot Chili Peppers- This actually would have made it a much more enjoyable occasion. I wonder how many of the young professional types would have been grooving on the sly reliving their youth. It would be good mingling music.

Sunset City, Magnetic Fields- I can’t explain why I like this band as much as I do. There are many bands like them that are a lot better. However, there is something so comforting about them. You always will get a good song. You occasionally will get a great song. This is a good band for background music. You won’t have to interrupt your conversation for random bursts of song but you will be entertained.

Incense and Peppermints, Strawberry Alarm Clock- This may have got some of the old stuffy people to crack. I think for next year I will advocate for some trippy music interludes. People need to calm the fuck down and chill out. They aren’t as important as they think they are.