There are things that I find funny that I probably shouldn’t. I have always been this way. However, my taste in what is funny has changed. Kicking random people nonchalantly to see what hilarity will ensue is no longer funny. People failing at their dreams is no longer funny. Throwing pennies out the window at people and watching them be confused is no longer funny. These things are, and have always been, mean. Unfortunately, I used to think mean was funny. It still can be from a distance. I just don’t like to perpetrate mean anymore. People tripping over nothing is still, and will always be, funny.
What got me thinking about this? Well this afternoon I decided to purposely not dry my hands after washing them, thus leaving the bathroom door handle totally wet. I thought this was hilarious. I don’t know why I thought it was funny. It wasn’t a very nice thing to do. I wondered who would get a wet handful and if they would freak out at the thought that it could possibly be a hand full of urine. Now, why anyone would have a hand full of urine and put it all over the door handle is a good question. Not wanting to mess with the paper towel dispenser that always either rips the towel or gives you the entire dispenser full is more likely. Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t help but hope that someone had a momentary shock in regard to pee hand moment.
I wondered if this was my inner evil trying to get out. I wondered if something inside me snapped and was sick of being a nice and caring individual. I wondered if I have been lying to myself the past few years telling myself that I am outgrowing my evil desires and that instead I am simply suppressing them. I wondered if I am a big ass phony nice person. Maybe I am. I just asked Lakeiya and she said that I am a nice person with evil tendencies. I can agree with that. I can even be ok with that. I can even enjoy that. I think there is something wonderful about slight evil tendencies. I think that they keep me from being sucked into the mundane and expected. Then again, I don’t want to be as hurtful as I used to be. That was just mean.
What it comes down to is that maybe evil and mean aren’t the same. Evil has an impish quality to it. There is some type of jest involved. Mean is just cruel and awful. I know this may not be the typical definition of evil and mean but that is what makes sense to me. My evil tendencies swing toward a casual prankster that wants to cause mischief but not really to hurt someone. I hate hurting people. It makes me feel bad. I like causing mischief, it makes me laugh. If my mischief ends up hurts someone I get upset. Luckily, that hasn’t happened too much lately. I suppose the people I can be evil to know that I love them and am just poking casual fun. I guess that is ok. They are always allowed to be evil back. It’s expected. However, if someone decides to get mean with me, they better watch out. I can be seriously mean.
I really am a nice person though. Don’t get the wrong idea.
Johnny Yumah, Johnny Cash- Everything Johnny Cash remind me of Jamie and Belmont apartment. I am still a little amazed that I grew to enjoy Johnny Cash. I spent so much time convincing myself that all things that seemed remotely country were crappy and off limits. I have decided that only relatively new and poppy country is crappy and off limits. I might secretly like it, I wouldn't know because I don't even give it a try.
Overlap. Ani DiFranco- This song takes me back to serious teenage angst. The number of incredibly lame boys that I thought about when I listened to this song is virtually endless. Me being all lame and only looking at boys and not talking to them was the theme of my life for a long long long long time.
Don't Play Cards With Satan, Daniel Johnston- All I can say is good advice.