Wednesday, March 26, 2008


As many of you may have heard, the stupidest criminal ever resides in Chicago. This fool had the nerve to go rob a store and when he found out that the present employees couldn’t open the safe he left two phone numbers and told them to call him when the manager got in. He said if they didn’t call he would shoot them. Of course he was called back, and when he arrived at the store was met by plain clothes policemen. They shot him in the leg while he was waiving his gun around trying to rob folks.

This isn’t the first time I have heard of criminals leaving numbers. The fool who stole my sister’s cello was also a number leaver. After he stole the cello he brought it to a music resale shop. The merchant had a pretty good idea that the instrument was stolen so he gave the guy $50 and said they would call him when they found a buyer. The shop was right down the street from their apartment building (yes this fool lived in the same building as my sister) so it was one of the first places she checked. She came away with her instrument, and the name and number of this fool. She promptly called the police to press charges. Even if she hadn’t pressed charges the state would have because it turns out cellos are expensive and the amount was large enough for the state to prosecute.

I guess the moral of these stories is a simple one. If you plan to go around robbin folks don’t leave a number.

1. The Bloom/ The Swoon/ The Sugars on your block/ The Planets land in flesh in the corners of New York. Nickel Bags, Digable Planets. Identified by Monica

2. I want you/ I want you so bad/ I want you/ I want you so bad/ It’s driving me mad. I Want You/She's So Heavy, The Beatles. Identified by Mom.

3. Blue moon/ You saw me standing alone/ Without a dream in my heart/ Without a love of my own. Blue Moon, Identified by Mom. This version happened to be Billie Holiday but there are so many it doesn't really matter.

4. Sit around and watch the tube but nothing’s on/ Change the channels for an hour or two. Longview, Green Day. Identified by Danielle

5. You had all of them on your side/ Didn’t you/ Didn’t you/ You believed in all your lies/ Didn’t you/ Didn’t you

Wow, my iPod must have intuited that songs were getting a little obscure. These should be a breeze.


Danielle said...

Checking in from my reader and I cannot believe that thieves are leaving their digits at the scene of the crime.

4. Longview by Green Day

As always wishing you well

Mom said...

Stupid robber stories!

I knew I recognized #4 but couldn't put my finger on it. However, I can put my finger on #2 and #3:
2. I Want You/She's So Heavy, by the Beatles
3. Blue Moon. I didn't know (until I just got curious and looked it up) that this was written by Rodgers & Hart in 1934. But it's been covered a zillion times. My mom's favorite version was by Mel Torme. The famous doo-wop version (my generation's favorite) was recorded in the early '60s.

Monica said...

nickel bags nickle bags. butterfly'll hit you wit a nickel bag... god i love them SO MUCH.

1. nickel bags- digable planets

someone sent me that link in the sun times today about the call me robber. haha. stupid.

Anonymous said...

Rats, I knew three of these but I'm just can't get here fast enough. I like that Green Day song.

Woozie said...

Like robbing a gun store with a knife.

Natalie said...

Danielle- Isn't is hilarious!

Mom- I had no idea who wrote Blue Moon either.

Monica- The sad thing is he thought he was being real clever

Citizen of the World- I like that Green Day album and I'm only a little ashamed.

Woozie- the sad thing is that would probably work better for the criminal than this

Johnny Yen said...

There was a former Chicago cop who did a television show on how to avoid being a victim of crime. He pointed out that the average citizen had one big advantage over the average criminal-- that they weren't butt stupid. As he put it, when the cops pick these guys up, they're usually not carrying Mensa cards.

One of the big breaks in solving my friend's murder was when the guy who had served as the lookout got picked up for marijuana possession, and in trying to get out of that, implicated himself in a capital murder.