A RECIPIE FOR RELAXATION

When you lead a life full of relaxation and procrastination you sometimes realize you have a lack of things to write about. Then, upon further reflection, you realize that you have a lot of advice to give people who simply can’t seem to relax and do nothing. With that in mind, I present “Ways To Keep Yourself Entertained Without Using Your Brain.” Before I start, however, let me issue a small disclaimer. I believe that use of the brain is important and should be done on a regular basis. I just know that sometimes, even a brain needs a vacation. Please realize that these suggestions should not be adopted as a typical way of life. I strongly suggest that you limit these activities to one day a week, maybe two if you are having a particularly mentally exhausting time. If you spend much more time than that

1. Purchase couch that is so incredibly comfortable that you rarely want to leave it. Someone could technically use a bed instead of a couch but then you run the risk of not getting out of bed all day and that is much worse than not getting off the couch all day.

2. Cover said couch in blankets and pillows to make it even more comfortable. It is still not a bed. Even if you end up sleeping there it is not a bed.

3. If you do not already possess it, order On Demand cable, preferably with a DVR. Any cable package with fewer than 300 channels is unacceptable. The “Dating on Demand” channel will provide you with hours and hours of entertainment. There is truly nothing funnier than a bunch of guys who really want a date. (Note: the girls, for some reason, are not as funny. Skip them unless you actually want a date). The random assortment of horrible movies at your disposal is more than any functioning brain can handle. Make sure brain is disabled before viewing such movies as: Over The Top, Dutch, Playing God, See Jane Date, or More Valuable than Rubies.

4. If you have not already subscribed, sign up for Netflix. Be sure to mix some decent viewing (decent is not equal to thought provoking) in with horrible but entertaining crap. Along with movies, be sure to have some TV series mixed in for when you have exhausted all TV series that are On Demand because you will not always have the attention span for a movie. For some reason it seems to be easier to sit through four 1-hour shows than one 2-hour movie.

5. Have something else nearby to distract you if cable/Netflix are no longer able to hold your attention. I suggest a pet. I suggest a pet such as fish because dogs and cats require more attention and therefore more brainpower. Fish have pretty colors and sometimes chase each other around thereby providing hours of uninvolved entertainment.

6. Have easy to manage food at your disposal or, make a lot of complicated food before settling into your comfy couch haven. I recommend having various deliver menus easily accessable. Micorwavable foods are also good. Anything that involves chopping is not good. Having pre-made delicious salads available is a good way to remain healthy while being lazy.

7. Have some mentally stimulating activities on hand, just in case. I recommend crossword puzzles, sudoku, and books. If you employ those tools, you still will not have to leave the couch, or even assume an upright position, as a board game would require.

8. Do not engage in these activities alone. That makes you pathetic. If you do these activities alone and then realize you are pathetic you will become mentally stressed out thus negating the relaxing activities that made you pathetic in the first place. In fact, the more people you have together doing these activities the better. Remember how much fun sleepovers were?

9. Make forts whenever possible. I have not made a fort in a long time but I think one lies in the near future. I certainly hope so.

If you follow these tips your brain will return to work well rested and ready to go. Happy relaxing.

Oh, having good music around is also crucial to relaxation. It helps when you are done with TV and are observing a pet. Some songs you may want to try may include:

Big River, Johnny Cash- The reason that Johnny Cash is good for relaxing is that you always know what to expect. This way you don’t have to use your brain. The music is good; it keeps your feet tapping. The songs are generally short so you don’t need much of an attention span. I highly recommend this.

Kyrie Eleison, The Electric Prunes- This song will make you feel as if you are under the influence of something relaxing. As long as you ignore the fact that it is essentially a requiem you won’t think much while listening.

Country House, Blur- Not only do you get to tap your feet but you get to hear about the horrors of the Rat Race. This is exactly what you are trying to escape. It will remind you that although you can live in a very big house in the country that nothing beats taking it easy.