SNOW MELTS, POOP APPEARS

When snow first falls it is one of the most peaceful and beautiful things this planet has to offer. After a day or so, as cars go by, the pretty snow becomes a nasty gray slushy mess of gross. You spend a while slushing your way through it to get to wherever it is you need to go and then the weather changes, and it starts to melt.

I love melting time. I have very fond memories of crunching the ice and snow along the edge of a pile with Mom who called it “helping the spring along”. When snow melts it seems that the world is being reborn. It felt more like that when winter actually lasted forever and thaw truly meant spring but, whatever. I don’t even mind the fact that everything is icy because of all the thawing during the day and freezing at night, I just tread softly and hope for the best. Luckily, I have gotten much less clumsy since leaving college. Is it the more reasonable shoes? Is it the lack of Bates Hill? Is it my less cloudy mental state? We may never know. I just know I haven’t fallen (outside) in like two years and that is pretty impressive.

Unfortunately, in the years since moving off Belmont (thanks for the wonderful memories crackneighborhood but when the aging hippies changing their socks on the “stoop” ask you to wait until they are done before you can get into your own apartment it is time to leave) I have learned something about snow melting in the more homey areas of town. It’s like a magic formula of some sort; snow melts, poop appears.

I have never owned a dog. I plan to own a dog someday but now is not the time. This being said, I have also never walked a dog. Henceforth, I have never had to pick up poop. This poop picking up is the thing I most dread about being a dog owner. I am sure I will get over it eventually but the idea is just disgusting. I don’t want to be one of those lame dog owners with the scooper tool but I just might go there. Don’t even get me thinking about babies pooping. I don’t know how I am going to handle that when the time comes. I am kind of scared. I digress. Dog poop, not baby poop, is the topic at hand.

For the past four years, give or take, I have lived in very dog friendly neighborhoods. My current area, in particular, is doggie heaven. People are generally decent about picking up after their dogs. There is always stray poop here and there and it makes me cringe but it is typically ok. That is not the case when the snow melts.

I suppose what happens is that a dog walks into a snowy area and poops. The poop, presumably being denser than the snow, falls into the snow and the owner forgets that the poop is there. Out of sight, out of mind. Unfortunately, when the snow melts, all the formerly out of sight poop is now in plain view. It is everywhere. Sometimes it is frozen looking, sometimes it appears to have thawed out as well. All I know is that I am in serious danger.

Yesterday I noticed no less that twelve large poops in rather prominent places on the sidewalk. Please realize that I did not actually count poops and am simply guesstimating. The first one was right where someone would step if they left my apartment building and took a left. Luckily, it was enormous and I didn’t step in it. This first encounter put me on the lookout. It was good that I was. I had to dodge poop left and right, occasionally stepping on slippery ice to avoid the potential squish. Luckily, I didn’t slip on the ice and fall into poop. That would have sent me straight home and back to bed. I made it to the train and I was ok.

The walk home from work was even scarier. When I get off the train it is dark. Imagine walking along, knowing there is ice and poop everywhere, and trying very hard not to fall prey to either. It is no picnic. I made it though, it was ok.

This morning I noticed much stepped in poop. I felt very bad for all the poor souls who did not fare as well as I. Let this be a warning to everyone. Snow melts, poop appears. It is inevitable. Keep your eyes open and your shoes clean.

1. Hey little boy you’re not allowed to stay/ You have to evolve inevitably/ And I’ve sure come a long way.

2. He said “I’ll protect you like you are the crown jewels” /Yet/ Said he’s feeling sorrier for me the more I behave badly/ I can bet.

3. Love is a dress that you made long enough to hide your knees/ Love to say this to your face/ I’ll love you only.

4. I heard rumors/ I heard talk/ About the trail you left of /Broken hearts

5. And I/ Never thought I’d feel this way/ And as far as I’m concerned/ Glad I got the chance to say/ That I do believe I love you. That's What Friends Are For, Stevie Wonder and company. Identified by Brooke.