Friday, July 06, 2007


I have nothing delicious to write about on this particular Friday although I did just consume a delectable albeit overpriced quesadilla at Macy’s. In defense of it’s over pricedness it came with a salad, but not much of a salad. Yet, once I was done, the deliciousness of the marinated mushrooms, poblanos roasted with onions and Chihuahua cheese made me feel better about the price. It was essentially worth it. Yum.

Last night I had a very strange dream. I was back at school and it was the day before graduation. There were instances of stress-filled debauchery everywhere you could turn. People were breaking down, hooking up, and throwing up around every corner. A large portion of the dream took place in the public restroom. There weren’t many public restrooms at school and certainly not any of this size. The way the doors were arranged made no sense. One stall opened into the next, people talked while handling their business, gender separation was out the window, and dogs were abundant. It was a strange bathroom.

One of the oddest things about graduation was that people from both my High School and College were there. A few people that I never went to school with at all were there. Regardless of that fact, we were all graduating. The weirdest thing was that I had no idea what we were graduating from. Even though the dream took place at a school I don’t think it was a school graduation. I remember shady snippets of the earlier parts of the dream and they were more focused on parties and celebrations of achievements but not scholastic ones. Maybe we were graduating from life?

I miss graduations. I miss having a set end date by which time you will have exhibited your knowledge of a particular subject or subjects and that learning will be recognized. People that come to see you will be proud and will shake your hand. They will be there for you and your achievements. You are the center of attention at graduation. I don’t care if you graduate last in your class there are always some who don’t graduate at all. With graduation, even being the worst is something to celebrate. Not so with life.

In the greater experience that is life, your achievements are rarely recognized. Or, if they are, only a select group of people care. Instead your achievements are expected and seen as part of growing-up. If you get a promotion or a new job people might give you a pat on the back and maybe a piece of cake but the same outpour of support, excitement, and adoration just isn’t there. Instead people are jealous. They wonder why it is you and not them that gets the cake. They wish you well on your journey while they contemplate taking your stapler. You know you have the good one.

I guess if I want that overwhelming positive feeling of achievement while embracing and saying good-bye to a stage of life I better get my butt back to school. Even so, I know it won’t be the same. For adults things are just different. Everyone has their own agenda and even when it comes to education they do it differently. I’m never going to live in a dorm again. I’m never going to another school dance. I’m not going to participate in any of those activities that bring people together because I can’t. If I could I don’t even know if I would want to. I’m done with that.

So what was my dream telling me? Was it saying I am ready for a change? Was my mind telling me that I have reached the point where this stage of life can teach me no more and I have to move on? Was it just a really random dream that was made up of all the other dreams I had over the course of a long night that got jumbled together between the tones of the alarm and meant nothing? I may never know. I just know it made me feel warm and cozy and part of something old on it’s way to becoming something new.

1. I think I’ll walk to the moon/ I don’t think I’ll be back soon/ I’ll take some water and time/ And I’ll be fine/ Yes, I’ll be fine

2. There lived a certain man in Russia long ago/ He was big and strong in his eyes a flaming glow/ Most people looked at him with terror and with fear/ But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear. Rasputin, Boney M. Identified by The Doc. Who is incredibly cool for knowing this insane mess.

3. Stop the bus/ I want to be lonely/ When seconds pass slowly and years go flying by/ You gotta stop the bus/ And get off here.

2. Canyon girl/ ‘neath imaginary skies is beckoning/ in a fictional world/ I fear I got no business being in

5. Well I’m coming through your window/ I see your family there/ Well I’m the midnight creeper/ When I go creepin’ ya’ll better beware


Katrina said...

Your dream definitely sounds better than the dreams I have that take place in a school. Every single one of mine border on nightmare. I never have my schedule so I have to go to the office and get it the 1st day which makes me late to the 1st class. And although it's always in one of the schools I've gone to the classes are never in the same places and neither is my locker.

Oh yeah, I can never ever remember my combination so I can't get my books. I can go on and on, it's awful.

Yours definitely sounds enjoyable and happy.

Johnny Yen said...

I frequently get dreams that I'm back in high school and/or a teenager living with my parents again. I think that I've attributed them to unresolved issues. Frequently in the dream, I'll stand up to someone in my high school who wasn't nice to me, or to my father, with whom I had a troubled relationship when I was younger.

terry said...

i kinda miss those time markers that school provided. now, the years all sort of blur together and time goes so fast i keep wanting to hit the brakes.

your post got me thinking about whether i'd want to go back and live in the dorms again, go back to school full time...

nah. i was ready to be done. i do miss those long vacations, though... and the semesters when i had no classes on fridays...

Killer said...

I personally treat every Friday as a graduation from that week. It gives me something to look forward to.
Since I am the only one celebrating this graduation, I get to be Valedictorian, except the week I was sick; I failed that week.

Princess Banter said...

I sometimes think that graduations are so anti-climactic. I worked 7 years to graduate from elementary, 4 years for high school and another 4 for college -- all for 3 anti-climactic days :P Not to mention having to buy those overpriced caps and gowns that we all wear for a grand total for 4 hours whilst our butts crush it on bad chairs :P

Sling said...

I never graduated High School,but I did get a nice certificate for completing rehab,which was nice.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Maybe you should be a food critic (for the first part of the post). As for the dream: it means many confusing doors are opening but you've lost the key and the sign fell off the door. (Sounds like old Bob Dylan lyrics.)

The Doc said...

In high school, I was really excited about graduation. Then, five years later...when I got my bachelor's degree I took a book to Convocation. I listened to the keynote and the stuff at the beginning, then read for 30 minutes until they called my name, walked to the stage, got hooted at by people i didn't even know were in the crowd, shook a few hands, and went back to read my book for another hour and a half. Not a terrible way to do it, although people around me were looking at me oddly. Some with distain, some with looks of "man, I wish I'd thought of that!"

Also: Song #2 is Rasputin by Boney M. GO BONEY M!

Natalie said...

Katrina- I don't know if I have ever had school nightmares. I feel like i must have because those are one of those universal type dreams. Then again, I don't think I have ever had an uncomfortable naked dream either. I must dream weird.

Johnny Yen- Maybe I haven't fully come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to my 10yr reunion in September. I had to see them all in my dreams instead.

Terry- There are times when I would love to be back there but far more often know I am done with that. I would be fine if all my friends lived in the same neighborhood though, or state for that matter.

Killer- You have an excellent outlook on life. Unfortunately, I fear I would fail many a week. I don't know if I can handle that.

Princess B- I don't remember having to buy my cap and gown. I'm sure someone did though. I likes the presents that came after graduation. Those rule!

Sling- I didn't know they gave those. It does sound nice.

Pawlie- I would love to be a food critic but as I don't eat meat I think it would be hard to find a job. Sadly that dream analysis sounds about right the way things are going. I'm going to have to learn to pick locks.

Doc- Huh, I never though of that. I enjoyed my graduation. Then again Barbara Walters sang a song about Titsworth (a dorm) and got hissed at for talking about Margaret Thatcher. It was kind of awesome. I can't believe you knew Boney M!!!! That is incredibly cool.

deadspot said...

Oh, those Russians...

I had that on a mix tape in college.

Mrs. Loquacious said...

You know, I actually enjoyed my convocation, even though I was expecting it to be hum-drum. When you see the colourful robes and the pomp and circumstance of the affair, it makes you feel important as you are inducted into the annals of alumni history along with others who have earned the same credentials.

I felt honored and proud in my robe and "hood"/ribbon thing, and in the end I was thrilled to have attended my convocation (I skipped my first one, so this was actually my second chance!).

CS said...

I think you're on to something. There should be graduations from various phases in your life. Some sort of rite of passage anyway.