Monday, October 02, 2006


Since I am talking about kid’s shows I wanted to mention one that I came across recently. It is called “Bibleman” and, as one can guess, it is about a superhero that fights evil with wisdom from the Bible. Although I am not a religious person, I have no problem with people who are religious (or who aren’t for that matter) wanting their children to see TV that will not corrupt them in any way. However, I think there are many fine children’s programs out there (see previous post) that will not do this. I would not have a problem with a fine program that taught the lessons of the Bible whatsoever. I think that would be a fine use of TV. However, Bibleman was one of the worst shows I have ever seen. Just because it is about God, people, doesn’t mean you should have your kids watching it.

First of all, Bibleman’s sidekick is this military type guy. I say that because he has a navy seals type hat on. What does that have to do with the Bible? Oh yeah, our military is all about taking out the evildoers. I guess it does make sense. Secondly, they have this supercomputer at their base that tells them what to do. Pardon me if I am wrong, but wouldn’t God be a viable point of information for a hero such as Bibleman? Thirdly, he fought a guy called Misery who was trying to take Bibleman’s computer and reprogram it to do something bad (I turned it on mid-program and was too busy being appalled to notice much about the plot) and they both had light sabers. I am not kidding. Where do I begin with the problems with this one? Misery is a Stephen King book, not a good name for a super-villain. Light sabers are from Star Wars, they do not belong on a fourth-rate production values having Superhero show called Bibleman. Fourthly, when the computer joined the fight, it turned into one of those training robot type things from David Lynch’s Dune but with the powers of the Emperor. It was literally a little ball that flew around and shot lightning bolts at Misery.

What does all this sci-fi fighting have to do with the Bible you wonder? Nothing I say. However, before the light saber fight, Bibleman was at a science fair quoting scripture to some boy (let’s call him Timmy) who wasn’t happy with his experiment because everyone else had a better one. “Now Timmy,” said Bibleman “Did you try as hard as you could?” “Yes Bibleman,” said Timmy. “Then you are a winner [quotation from scripture that I don’t remember and would feel terrible about misquoting] Oh no Timmy, Misery is attacking. I must go stop him.” Plus, does this mean that Bibleman is advocating mediocre schoolwork being ok?

Again, no disrespect, but there are probably some kids out there who are only allowed to watch this show that looks like the Power Rangers bastard child. If you are going to have a show like this for kids, please make it quality. Just because it is righteous doesn’t mean it is good TV. I enjoyed some Seventh Heaven every once in a while. Aaron Spelling couldn’t really go wrong in my opinion but that was a good show. I fell asleep after Bibleman and woke up to a fine cartoon about the miracles of Jesus. I wasn’t mad about it. It featured an adorable child singing a very catchy tune (that I have since forgot but was in my head for a good thirty minutes) about how sad he was that his two fish and five loaves of bread wouldn’t feed everyone. We all know what happened next. It even had some comedy like when Jesus asked (I think it was Peter) to come out on the water with him and then he started to doubt and fell in with a splash. OK, not total comedy but it looked pretty funny on the cartoon. What I am trying to say is I enjoyed this cartoon, even though it told stories we all know well regardless of how often we do or do not attend religious services. Bibleman was just a disgrace. A sick attempt to force bad TV down the throats of people who want some good programming options for their children. I find that reprehensible. Plus it was violent. I suppose though that it is following in the belief that violence is ok if it furthers your religious agenda. I find that belief also to be reprehensible. It is the cause of the majority of wars throughout history. Present war included.

To sum up, if you are in need of a laugh, here is some Bibleman for you to enjoy.

And keeping in the religious theme, I am sorry to everyone I may have hurt or offended this year. My bad. (for those of you who don't know, it is Yom Kippur. We Jews apologize today. If any of you have said anything bad about my boyfriend Stephen Colbert call him at 1-888-oopsjew or is it 1-800? Eh, try both.)

It is time again for “The Shuffle Game” let’s see what we’ll be boppin' our heads to today.
Lucky Ball and Chain, They Might be Giants- Ah, They must be GREAT. I sometimes feel like I could be someone’s lucky ball and chain as I am also 5ft tall. Then again, I better not get lost or someone is getting his ass kicked.

Happiness Runs, Donovan- This is by no means my favorite Donovan song but any Donovan is pretty good. Except that on song I always skip, that song sucks ass. Tony tried to tell me that Sunshine Superman couldn’t be my theme song anymore because a woodland creature such as myself would have some lame fairy music as a theme song. We settled the problem by saying that when I throw a crazy woodland bash Donovan is ideal tunes, if I am just bouncing around the trees then I must stick with lame fairy music such as plays in Dark Cloud (best video game ever (except super turbo puzzle fighter II)). Oh I am also thinking of getting Lego Star Wars any opinions on that?

Live From Planet X, MF Doom- This sing is actually an entire album. It is a good album. It is also perfect that we end this post with a guy who wears a mask. Word.


Terry said...

The only decent religious kids' programming that I've seen is Veggie Tales with talking vegetables. I've got a 19 year old daughter who still collects the dvds. :)

Anonymous said...

would this be 'bibleman' starring willie aames of 'charles in charge' and 'celebrity fit club' fame? i've only seen brief clips and it is hilarious cheap and crappy

Mrs. Loquacious said...

Christian cartoons/animation (with the exception of Veggie Tales) has been known to be crappy.

This is why I only watch Veggie Tales, myself (I'm with you on that, Terry!).

Mom said...

I've heard some Veggie Tales songs and liked them a lot. Especially the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything and the song about the dancing cucumber.

And, um, it's "atone," as in "Day of Atonement." Which includes apologizing, yes, but also making up for whatever wrongs one may have committed.


(Sorry for the snotty comment. What can I do to make it up to you?)

Natalie said...

Terry and Mrs. L- Veggie Tales is pretty good from what I have seen. Plus it has Cheech.

Mom- why did you have to go and bust me out like that. Everyone knows I'm a bad Jew. I blame you for it. Sorry.

Monica- yes I believe it is Willie Aames. The shit is AWESOME in its badness.

Anonymous said...

Aaron Spelling... of that brings back some bad memories to think I wasted years of my life watching 90210 and melrose place...

the best kids TV - thundercats

Wobbly*bits said...

I've never even heard of Veggie Tales. The most religious I get in my cartoon watching is Ned Flanders!

Happy Yom Kippur. Or...atoneful Yom Kippur. Or whatever you're supposed to say. Apparently I'm a really good Jew.

Mom said...

I thought I was the "bad Jew" of the family. I even own a book (of short stories) called Bad Jews.

The best Jew I knew -- the rabbi at my parents' synagogue in NY -- recently died. He's sorely missed. He was a good man and lived his beliefs, working for peace and social justice. But it took my mom years to feel comfortable with him, because he was a white guy with a Southern accent.

Natalie said...

Shadow- Thundercats rules but my heart belongs to Voltron.

wobbly- Veggie Tales are really good, you should get your watch on. Good job at being a good Jew!

Mom- You are just funny to me. I love you