Wednesday, January 24, 2007

GGGRRRR AAAARRRGGGGG

So this morning I thought the day was really going to suck but it has turned out to be quite ok. I realized that I had no food and not a lot of cash so I was going to skip lunch. Then I get to work and got asked to sit in for my supervisor at a meeting where lunch would be provided (and they had enough veggie lunches ordered for me to have one) SCORE! Then I was thinking I didn’t have enough work to do other than the meeting but then the folders I ordered arrived. This means that I get to spend the rest of the day punching holes and organizing files. Mindless necessary work that needs to be done but takes little mental capacity SCORE. Then I called Tony and he said he would go to the store and get us food for dinner so that I don’t have to worry about it when I get home. SCORE. Basically, it has turned out to be a very decent day.

This morning on the train I read a story about a guy who escaped a shark attack. Now if you know me well, and some of you do, you know that I really like (and am deathly afraid of) sharks. Friend is with me on this one. If you are happily swimming and then come across something like this your day is suddenly going to be very bad. Once when I was at the aquarium I pet a shark. It was certainly not the kind of shark that would eat your arm off; it was a nice little docile type shark. It was still really cool. I thought it would be all smooth feeling but the skin was actually like sandpaper. I don’t know if sandpaper skin is common to all sharks because I am never going to pet some of them. However, if I am ever attacked by a shark I am going to do what this guy did, poke it in the eye.

I always heard that you are supposed to punch a shark in the nose if they are attacking. Have any of you ever tried to punch in the water? It isn’t easy. I don’t think you could really get enough momentum going to truly stun the shark. I mean it might be a little shocked because things probably don’t hit its nose often but still, seems a little iffy. However, poking a shark in the eye seems like a much better idea. If I recall my shark stuff correctly, their eyes roll back in their heads when attacking to avoid mess getting in their eyes (or maybe for a better reason). This means the shark isn’t even going to see your finger coming. They are just going to be in shock because something poked their eye. They are then going to run away because nothing ever hurts a shark and if your finger can they know they are in trouble.

On the other hand, if I were a shark and some fool human had the nerve to poke me in the eye I would take their arm off. I am vindictive like that. Some guy thinks they can do that to me in my environment where they aren’t even supposed to be? Hell to the no. I may lose all my ocean cred. None of the other fish would fear me. They would call me “Patchy the Half-blind Shark” and I would be laughed at. Luckily I would rely primarily on my nose and eat them anyway. From what I understand sharks don’t particularly like to eat humans but one with the nerve to poke a killing machine in the eye deserves it.

Not much progress on the songs from yesterday bur Ern did get partially there.

1. Now who got the chance to make things right/ Why the politicians always want to fight? Ern knows it is Beastie Boys but what song, what song.

2. Not a lotta bling/ when you do the thing/ bada boom bada bing

3. Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry/ And I showed the cloud how to cover/ Up a clear blue sky. Big River, Johnny Cash. Idnetified by Brooke

4. It’s gonna be sudden/ It’s gonna be strange/ Gonna stop on a dime/ Give you five cents change. Outta Me Onto You, Ani DiFranco. Identified by Brooke

5. I’m one/ big queen/ No one/ can stop me. 50ft Queenie, PJ Harvey. Kind of Identified by Brooke.

11 comments:

Mood Indigo said...

I feel incredibly lame that I have not once recognized a song lyric of yours.

But sharks, i can talk about sharks! I saw that article - f'in CRAZY - dude was half eaten!?! I have a total love/hate relationship with sharks in that they kept me out of the water forever, but if there's something about them on t.v. or in the paper I am all eyes and ears. This does not really help me when it comes to chilling out while surfing.

This weekend I was apparently about three feet from a dolphin but I had my back to it and didn't see it. I'm thankful - because if I saw anything remotely fin like while in the water I think I would go into cardiac arrest. This sighting however prompted the friend I was with to assure me that in his years of surfing he's only seen sharks twice (and we're talking where I surf, and big ones - 9-12 feet). GOOD GOD. He said he could tell they weren't interested in him but I think the day I see a shark in the water is the day I start looking for a new sport...

Always on the Move said...

LOL, Oh Natalie, you had me laughing so hard with your blog today, and I just wanted to Thank you! I so needed it!!!! :oD I wonder what that shark would think if you poked it in the eye? Is that what that guy did? I'm also guessing that he survived and lived to tell his story, am I correct? Yikes! I don't think I'd ever go in any kind of water ever again, I may even be afraid of bath water if I were him. I'm also afraid of sharks, but I always knew that I could kill them by hitting them hard on the nose. But now, thanks to YOU, I'm now wondering if I would be able to do that? Would it be a slight tap and it would it piss him off even more, and then he'd just want to swallow me, or eat me or bite me into several pieces? Now I'm afraid...VERY AFRAID!!!!
But Thanks for the Laugh!!!
LOL!

CSL said...

I saw a show once about Great White Sharks and they said if you push them gently in the nose, they go into a brief zoned-out state. They actually show someone doing this - he would sort of shove it under the nostrils and it's eys would roll back and it would reel backwards and float off for a moment. I figure it gives you just enough time to mentally say goodbuy to everyone before it regains consciousness and eats you.

With Love, Fat Girl said...

Ugh. Like you I can't stand sharks, mostly stemming from my sister making me watch "Jaws" at the tender age of 3. I had nightmares about sharks swimming around my bed for years.

Michael C said...

Remember, staff meetings can be fun ;-)

I read the story about the shark. Wow! I saw something on TV the other night where an experienced diver and oceanographer was attacked by a shark. He said he gouged it's eyes. Can you imagine having that type of presence of mind?

“Patchy the Half-blind Shark” -- I love it!! It should be a child's morning cartoon!!
;-)

Natalie said...

Mood- It's ok some of my songs are pretty strange. I like to get all the shark info possible to. You must know the enemy to survive. Only seeing two big sharks is about fifteen too many for me.

Always- Glad you got a good laugh. They guy sure did survive (eaten but alive). I am shocked at how many people get half-eaten and then go back in the water. They are nuts.

Csl- Thanks for that. Pushing gently in the nose makes a lot more sense than a swift punch underwater. I still don't know how much good it would do overall but I suppose anything helps.

With Love- That was not nice of her at all. The first nightmare I remember (I think I was about 2) was of a monarch butterfly in turquoise high top chuck taylors stomping around my bed and glaring at me. I'm not scared of butterflies though.

Michael- I would have no presence of mind if confronted by a shark. But then again, after writing this, maybe I would. I think Patchy would make a great cartoon. I see a new career in the works for me.

Brooke said...

Oh, the horror of sharks. I hate that I can never relax and swim in the ocean, because I love the ocean. But the second my feet don't touch the ground anymore, I get incredibly tense. And yes, friend, they all feel like sandpaper. So if you have any dealings with even a small shark, you end up all bloody from their skin and then more of the shark's friends are on their way.

#3. Big River - Johnny Cash

#4. Outta Me, On to You - Ani

#5. OK, I looked this one up because I knew it was P.J. Harvey and it was driving me crazy. Then I felt like a real stupid because the song title is so obvious. 50 Ft. Queenie.

Mom said...

Can you manage to get the giant butterfly in the hi-tops into your shark cartoon? I think this could be a huge hit.

(BTW, I always pictured that butterfly as being even bigger than me!)

csmc said...

"...if I were a shark and some fool human had the nerve to poke me in the eye I would take their arm off. I am vindictive like that."

OMG I am laughing so hard I am tearing up Natalie...

Glad your day turned out better than expected. I love when that happens. ;F

Natalie said...

Friend- I am in horror that they are all like sandpaper. What horrible creatures.

Mom- You are tiny in comparison to the butterfly. But you aren't very big to begin with.

CSMC- Glad you got a laugh it really was a fine day.

Janna said...

I have the same combination of fascination/abhorrence with sharks. Love the documentaries-- I'm nerdy like that.
The picture you posted is going to freak me out when I try to sleep tonight-- that eye looks eerie and huge and way too sentient... know what I mean??? Like maybe you could distract them from eating you by striking up a discussion on global warming.
Love the blog... I've added a link to you on my own site-- and because you're the only blog on my (alphabetized) list that starts with "A", you get to be first! Is that cool, or what?

One More Raindrop In A Bloggy Ocean