Before I get started I wanted to add that the Bestest Blog Carnival is happening tomorrow and the focus is on animal posts. I submitted my post about the ghost fish. Check out the carnival at Morgen's Blog for more information. The banner was created by Janna. You got to give credit where credit is due.
I think I figured out what I was trying to say yesterday about clutter. I think I dreamt part of the solution and I was all set to sally forth upon waking and fix the world, then I turned the water on in the shower and promptly forgot it all. Although the dream hasn’t come back to me yet, and it probably never will, I feel like I am at some sort of crossroads. Unfortunately, I don’t know if either road is the right path and they both seem blocked.
I feel the need for movement, some sort of a new beginning. The questions are how, where, and what. I think part of the conversation I had yesterday with a co-worker who needed do get rid of some things in their life really got me thinking. There really is a lot of unnecessary stuff around cluttering up my mind.
One path would allow me to go all fortress of solitude and take some time and try to figure things out. Yet, in order to do that, I would have to cut everything important out of my life and that really isn’t an option. This leaves me wondering how I can fit in some serious self-examination without alienating everyone close to me that I love and that I need to be around. I don’t think it is entirely possible.
This leads me to the other path, immersing myself in something to the point of cathartic release. I need to get so incredibly passionate about something that I wake up thinking about it needing to learn about it and understand every part of it. The problem with that path is there is too much clutter around for me to see what that something is. I can’t get there from here.
I know I need to find a career. I know I need to go back to school. I know I need to exercise my brain because I can feel it getting stupider by the second. I just am wondering why I am stalling. I was pretty set on becoming a teacher, and I am still thinking about it pretty seriously. I am just wondering if that is really where my passion is. If so, then why haven’t I gotten more involved in making it happen? Why do I have no interest in going to information sessions or even figuring out what requirements I have already met and what I still have left to do? Is teaching really going to fulfill my needs?
If not, the question becomes what do I want to do? I think my problem is that I have too many interests. I want to learn about everything and I can’t make myself specialize. That is part of why college was so rewarding, I could study anything and everything I wanted to and it was wonderful. Now, even if there were such a thing as Master of Liberal Arts I wouldn’t want it because I know it wouldn’t get me closer to some tangible career goal.
I suppose I feel that if I can clear out all the clutter around me that I’ll be able to figure something out. That I can see a clear goal through the mess of crap that clouds my vision. Maybe I just need to clean my house.
None of yesterday's songs were guesses so here they are again.
1. True love will find you in the end, you'll find out just who is your friend.
2. Hey girl stop what you're doing. Hey girl you'll drive me to ruin.
3. Girl, the only thing that matters in my life is that I'm down for you and treat you right.
4. Born to be a god among salesmen. Working the skinny tie.
5. Come along with me to my little corner of the world.