Wednesday, January 10, 2007

THIS IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH?

Ok so I didn’t post yesterday because I knew the next post would be my 100th post and I had no idea what to do to make it special. I thought about listing some of my favorite posts but then decided it was too much work. Instead, I decided to pick one sentence from each of my posts and turn it into a stream of consciousness type vignettes. I will admit to changing a few pronouns or tenses here and there to boost congruity. The posts that I think are particularly good will get links through their sentences. I don’t really expect it to make much sense. I could try really hard to make a conistent narrative and maybe I would succeed but I am just not quite that ambitious. Now obviously this is much more work than just linking to my favorite or more relevant posts but we’ll see what happens. I’m sure some things will be much better than others. The first sentence is from the first entry and it goes sequentially from there. Here we go.

I think I am supposed to go have cake now. I am at my friend Davey Wo's house for a festive gathering and we decided to play spin the bottle. To begin with the guy didn't have much of a chance. However, he reminded me of the guy on the blue line that would mouth words with a very big saliva ridden mouth and just go crazy with his headphones. I hated his admitting to taking steroids and wanting to kill people self. You can't get a little closer to stray bullets every day until one can whiz right past your head and you don't blink. I mean there were a few problems before but nothing like this. I hate making friends.

Some guy almost pushed me off the train platform running to catch the train (well that was yesterday) and he fell down right when he got by the train door so I guess that is actually really funny. I match too much today. Maybe I am being over confident with that but I don't really think I am. I am always (well mostly) fabulous in my own eyes. The most important thing I have learned is to isolate the tomato. How cute is that?

I used to really like space. We all know black people love chicken. I secretly want to go to Bible study because I find it fascinating but all the hard-core-religious people around me would give me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe musical entertainment will be more fulfilling. Finally, while watching the Today show this morning before work (I know its lame but sometimes fascinating things happen) I learned that Jesus is back.

I thought I looked really cute today (and I do) but I recently discovered my shirt is dirty. Typically, I would be fine with that. Essentially, my fashion sense is slightly offended. Now get your goofy ass off the runway! Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I do not feel like a member of the all-new Cool Club, of which I am in fact the secretary/treasurer. What if they think I am reading The Stranger to be like Bush, or because he gave it the good old thumbs up? Or maybe they don’t and I have just been revealed as a sick and twisted individual.

People used to tell me that if I were a Muppet I would be Rolph but then they met Monica and she looks more like a Rolph than I. Unfortunately, the judges tend to like her. This guy keeps following us because he wanted nothing to do with his friends and apparently we are a "reputable group". We were able to get out of that because we had to attend a "play" about prostate cancer that Monica's brother was in at 6:30.

Today is a boring day. Today is wet. See, as we left the house in the morning he had asked me if he should put his galoshes on. This gave me a wonderful picture of hilarity. On an unrelated but tragic topic, my favorite Of Montreal song has been turned into an Outback Steakhouse commercial. I just know that sometimes, even a brain needs a vacation. I don’t know if I have ever seen George W. Bush think.

Have you ever spent a really long time on something that you just didn’t have to? That is the meaning of good times. I really like that time. It kind of makes me feel like an old person though. You know that it will hold up the lines and keep people from getting where they need to go. Something about crying as an adult for something that impacted your childhood is really cathartic. We Jews apologize today.

Not only is that the greatest thing to say ever, it was the name of a very inspirational movement that happened last week. Bradley looked a hot mess, Vincent was turned on, Angela whined. Tony just woke up; I think that means I should be starting dinner soon.

I am semi-convinced that I am supposed to live in the middle of the woods somewhere and flit about in nature. I whupped a Rainbow Butterfly’s ass. I don’t like plenty of rules/standards of culture but I don’t cheat at Monopoly. Time warp anyone?

Help is a young woman with a pitcher of water who pours the water into holes to flush things out. She was some smug bitch to be sure. Built a wall around a group of dancing partygoers, waiting for them to die. The room cleared, it was no good. You could just tell that she knew she wasn’t going to win, a hard place for a girl who is used to being on top. Then she did something bold and daring. She promptly hit Ben-man.

He was pretty upset. He hates it when someone goes for a bite of his food and they take his saved best bite, he means he put it aside on the plate for a reason people. He didn’t know if he would ever listen to Prince in the same way again. What a nice guy.

There we were, grown women, obsessing over a show about 8th graders and HS freshmen. Don’t even get me started on Sasha Cohen, that little robotic twit looks like someone needs to skate past and smack her a few times then back up and smack her some more. A noble pursuit I am sure and undoubtedly a very lucrative topic for a book.

Maybe I am lenient, but a seven-year difference from planning and carrying out the death of another individual and a guy snatching some purses and accidentally severing a finger doesn’t seem quite right. This man was adamant about not thinking for the future. No one cares anymore. Damn liberal arts education.

This morning on the train was a disgusting and somehow not at all malodorous mess under one of the seats. I know it sounds crazy but who knows? We figured something swam up inside the little rock and maybe got stuck and died. Some liked it, I found it terrifying.

Most people aren’t going to get kicked out of their house for some heavy petting. Although I don't have a ton of background, that would make sense to me. It makes so much sense to talk about this as a natural part of life and celebrate differences rather than to categorize and label and diagnose people simply for being who they are. I think I may be able to squeeze one more meal out of it but that’s about all I can hope for. This brings my pass rate to a dismal 33%.

What being a natural beauty means is that you are a lazy bum who doesn't wear make-up and you don't care. I like pretty people. I think after my generation has all their kids there will be a lot more. I am sick and have a problem. I need to plan my life.

I wanted to tell him that he was some stuffy dick who simply knew someone who gave us money and doesn’t even give a fuck about the cause himself and he could just kiss my ass. I think a lot of the things I do he simply tolerates. I have accepted that Ulysses has won.

Next time I go to Dave E. Wo’s I will have to talk to his bunny in the few bunny words I know. It would make my life so much easier. I’m not afraid of being seen as weak and easy to take advantage of anymore. Part of that is that I am too poor to have things that would really contribute much but we’ll just say it is because I am conscientious. There is nothing quite like nothing.

He just makes me smile cause he is a big old nerd. I used to think Jello was the black guy in the Dead Kennedys but he isn’t. I sucked it up and realized I was in it for the long haul. Started to say something but Tony looked at me like a crazy person. The answer is that I really don’t know. Maybe it's because I don’t know where I’m going but I do know where I’ve been and that will always remain constant and reliable. It almost makes someone want to just say screw it all and sit at home on their ass. Wow, how sad.

All the songs from the last post were guessed so we get five new ones today.

1. Words fail buildings tumble the groud opens wide. She's Actual Size, They Might Be Giants. Identified by Monica

2. True love will find you in the end, you'll find out just who is your friend.

3. Though I tried before to tell her all the feelings I have for her in my heart. Every Little Thing, The Police. Identified byMom.

4. Hey girl stop what you're doing. Hey girl you'll drive me to ruin.

5. Girl, the only thing that matters in my life is that I'm down for you and treat you right.

8 comments:

Lizza said...

Congratulations on your 100th post! Which is awesome, you obviously put a lot of time and effort into it.

Monica said...

"She's actual size but she seems much bigger to meeeee. I've never known anybody like her..." Oh, sorry. I can't help but sing it. Number one is that by TMBG.

notfearingchange said...

congrats!!!

Mom said...

Brilliant!!!

#3. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, The Police

ShadowFalcon said...

happy 100!!!

and Do get cake :-)

Natalie said...

Lizza- Yeah It took FOREVER. Thanks.

Monica- I thought you would have 2 & 5 also. I think you may have been the only hope for 2.

Notfearing- Thanks and i realized I did that meme on 12/4 while reading all my posts

Mom- You flatter me far too much. Although it had occasional flashes of brilliance, most was tepid at best. It would not have been made into a star.

Shadow- Unfortunately, the cake was available 100 posts ago... none for me now.

Mom said...

Natalie - You disparage yourself too much. Stop listening to that dumb old King of the Cosmos. He is designed to tear at the self-esteem of Princes. Listen to that other small Prince -- he is indeed wise.

(Hmm... the world suddenly seems full of diminutive Princes. I meant the book one, not the musical one. Well, first the game one. Then the book one. Then the musical, purple one. Rock on.)

CSG said...

WOW. You would think it wouldn't make any sense, but somehow it does. Congratulations.