Life would be better if I were a video game character. There would be so much that I could do and lofty goals for me to reach. They always have to save the world. I only have to save myself. Sometimes I think saving the world would be easier. You know what your goals are. You have one huge evil threatening the delicate balance of existence and it is up to you to brave terrors untold and hardships outnumbered and fight your way to the goblin city. Life isn’t that simple.
Heroes don’t have to worry about paying their bills, getting up in the morning, or finding the perfect job. Who cares about paying bills if the world is going to end? If you keep that from happening no one will ever ask you to pay a bill again? Do heroes even sleep? It seems like they just keep going and going, driven by the import of the task at hand. They already have perfect jobs, and have no choice in the matter, they are of vital import and they are given the means to succeed, unless they are a SIM and that is not the kind of video game character I want to be.
I want to run up walls like the Prince of Persia. I want to roll the world into a big ball for the glory of our sky a la Katamari. I want to overthrow an evil genie like Toan and travel back and forth in time like Max and Monica in the Dark Cloud series. I want to paint through life and slay demons like in Okami, I want to become a godless killing machine hell-bent on revenge to squash my inner demons like Cretos in God of War (well maybe not. He was a bad bad man in a good good game). I want to save the world from turning into robots with my little robot friend like Ratchet. I just want to do something special and I don’t want to think about it.
I think the hardest thing about life is figuring out what you want to do with yours. My only regret in not going to Medical School is that it would have been the easiest and most practical thing to do. It took me a long time to admit that. I have always said that I have no regrets about not going. I had to be honest with myself. I don’t regret the things I didn’t learn. I don’t regret not being a Dr. because I don’t think it is really what I am supposed to do with myself. I only regret the planned life that I would have led. Granted, I wouldn’t have the same friends I have now. I wouldn’t live in the same city I live in now. I would be a completely different person. I don’t want that. I just want someone to give me a plan.
I have always resisted setting goals for myself. Since grade school when I was first confronted with the idea of a goal I resisted with everything I had. I never saw the point. I always thought they left too much room for disappointment. Time tables are also like kryptonite to me. Anyone who knows me knows how often I have said “I don’t operate under the constraints of time,” and I have always meant it. I am more comfortable with the notion that things will just happen and come along. I agree with that mentality still, but I know that I need to provide some kind of catalyst for a major change. No evil lord is going to show up and force me to take action or the world as I know it will perish (and the current administration doesn’t count). It’s just not going to happen. I have to do this myself.
The fact that making decisions is the absolute hardest thing for me to do in the whole world doesn’t help. That is another reason I would prefer to be in a video game. You have seriously limited options in those worlds. You can run, jump, kick, punch, use weapons, and do various combo moves. That tends to be about it. The puzzles you go through are all relatively common sense, although you may have to find a hidden switch or two. If you get really stuck you can always look on the internet. That doesn’t work for real life.
I have to talk to people. I have to evaluate myself. I have to grow a freaking backbone. While I am fairly good at planning finances and small events, I suck at planning my life. I suck at making any choices that aren’t obvious. I suck at making myself the happiest person that I can be. I don’t suck at keeping myself comfortable. I’m really good at that. The thing about comfortable is that it is never more and never less. I want something bigger, something epic, and something memorable. Maybe I need to set some goals and make a timeline. That will never get done. It sounds horrible. Those asshole types say things like you never reach your goals if you don’t set them. They are right but they sound like assholes.
Fuck it. I’m programming myself into some fantastic caper and you can all take a turn at the sticks. It will be called Natalie vs. the Mad Muppeteer and I’ll have to stop some poser Jim Henson from creating horrid want to be new Muppet Movies. I’m not talking about Brian though, Muppets in Space was ok.
Icicle, Tori Amos- A song all about introspection and not quite fitting in. That works for today. It would make very bad video game music though. Well, the first part may be a great dream sequence where the mind was being taken over my some evil Muppet.
Funky Child, James Brown- This is a much better song for a video game. IT would be Muppets doing capoiera in a choreographed pattern that kicked my ass until I imported Eddie from the world of Tekken and kicked their asses on a whole different level.
Open Your Heart To Me, Madonna- This automatically reminds me of the Courtney Gears fight in Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal. She was a pretty badass evil lady.