BAD FASHION=BAD LUCK

I have never claimed to be a style guru. Although I thoroughly enjoy fashion, I tend to have my own style based on what I decide looks the best on me or just catches my eye. Sometimes I am right, sometimes I am wrong. I am always (well mostly) fabulous in my own eyes. I often enjoy many of the fashion trends that pop up throughout our lives. I will not wear many of them because they don't tend to flatter my ample figure. However, I will admit that they look killer on the right people and admire them doing their thing. Things have all changed recently though. I have got to put my foot down. The 80's are back in full effect and this is NOT ok.

I was looking through a rather horrendous clothing catalogue called Boston Something that for some reason was addressed to me even though I had never heard of the place let alone ordered something from them or asked to be put on their mailing list and came across the biggest abomination of them all. Stirrup pants. Ok I admit that I used to rock a stirrup. Who didn't? It was the 80's. Now it is 2006 and stirrup pants are not okay. This particular pair featured little zipper pockets and happened to cost $280. I haven't sewed anything for a long time but last I knew Lycra spandex of any kind was incredibly inexpensive and no matter how "trendy" something is who would really buy such a hideous pair of pants for that inflated of a price.

Days after the stirrup debacle, I was reading the horrid Red Eye on my way to work and noticed someone commenting on these great new pants. They were a skinny jean with socks attached so they would easily fit into boots. Are you hearing me? Footsie jeans are apparently a good thing?

A week or two before all this, I was talking to Monica on the phone and she was at H&M and saw something that strongly resembled Multiples. Yes people, Multiples. Again, not something that needed to come back. I can almost understand this fashion trend coming back for the 12-17 year old demographic. They never got the chance to wear fluorescent clothing, huge plastic earrings, way too many bangles, and side ponytails (can you believe how many side ponytails are out there these days) and maybe it looks like fun. It’s really not a good idea, but I had fun doing it so why can't they. I better not start seeing tight rolled jeans and huge bangs walking around too often though or I will probably soil myself. Unfortunately, people in my age group (although I am officially in my late 20s now I will say my age group is to 25-35) are rocking the 80's fashions without a lick of irony or shame. I think this is inexcusable. They lived though it. They spent the last 15 or so years making fun of it. They are now going right back to it and loving it. On the train yesterday I was sitting behind a t-sweater with a zipper with one of those hoops that you grab to zip with and it was unzipped so the entire shoulder was out. Then there were really skinny jeans tucked into ankle boots. Then there were huge plastic earrings and big old sunglasses. At least the ponytail was in the back. Oh but it was wrapped with a bunch of plastic beads. I mean COME ON PEOPLE. The woman was easily 29. This is just not acceptable in today's world.

Now, to discuss another horrible fashion mistake, let’s examine the Minnesota Vikings new uniforms. To those few readers who I have come across who do not know me well, I like football. I am from Minnesota and I love the Vikings. I also like the Bears because I live here. I hate the Packers. I am not one of those people who knows a lot about football. I cannot explain what offsides is. I know, however, that I love to watch some football. So the Vikings (which I must admit is a team I no longer even recognize sans Culpepper, Moss, Carter and all those who I had loved) changed the middle of their field from that awesome Viking with blonde braids to read "MV" in the queerest purple lettering possible. Again, to any of those who don't know me I mean no offense by using the term queer to describe the lettering. It just fit. Then we come to their outfits. While purple has probably never been the manliest color, at least before it was worn with dignity befitting the royals who donned purple robes in ancient times. Now they look like Rollerball rejects. There is a big old purple swoosh down the side of their leg and they look like they are from the 70's trying to look futuristic. Have some dignity people. Maybe Project Runway can have a new challenge of designing better uniforms for the Vikings. Even if they were made from shower curtains and coffee filters (and I loved that coffee filter dress by the way) they could be no worse. Not to mention they lost their game but it was pre-season and they could have tied and forced OT if they had wanted to but dragging out a pre-season game and risking injury is stupid so I'm not even mad that they lost. I'm just mad at how bad they looked doing it. I believe that if they had kept better uniforms they would have won that game.

Now, on a completely non-fashion related topic I just got a hilarious text message from Tony. He apparently saw a deaf person signing to themselves and laughing. Now maybe it seems cruel to some people that I find this utterly hilarious. Well it shouldn't. We have all laughed at hearing people muttering to themselves and laughing like a nut job. This is just funnier. And yes, it's funnier because this person is deaf. Maybe I am cruel. Shit. I was trying to be such a nice person.

Now, for some songs that above crazy person can't hear.

When My Boy Walks Down The Street, Magnetic Fields- I love this song so much. It makes me thing of my boy walking down the street and that makes me giddy like a schoolgirl. I told him this once and he said that I was a huge dork and if I was going to have a song that reminds me of him that it should be less shitty. He is mean. The song is sweet.

Staten Island Baby, Black 47- I downloaded this song because this girl who was trainig me to take her job at this search company I worked at for 3 months was moving to NY and I wanted to make her a CD full of songs about NY. I don't know why I did such a nice thing for her. I mean she was ok and everything but that took a lot of thought.

Old Familiar Way, Of Montreal- what a good day for shuffling. I love this song to. I love Of Montreal. I thank Monica's list of wonder for howing me how great this band is. I only downloaded The Gay Parade and Sunlandic Twins. I don't know which album I like more. I like them both for such different reasons. It truly seems as if two different bands did these albums.

I am now going to go teach the youth how to write objective statements on their resumes. This should be a blast.